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“It’s okay, Luna. I can’t compete with an emotion that’s lasted your whole life, I know that.”
“I hope you find someone you love like that one day,” I tell him, truly meaning it.
“And that’s how I know we were always on different pages, Luna,” he says, kind of sad. “I’m here hating Lodge and wishing I could be the man you have always loved,” he whispers and then he kisses my forehead and walks away.
I ignore the sting of tears I feel at his bittersweet words. Ben’s a good man. I want him to be happy… I just know he wouldn’t have been happy with me. My heart is just not free to love him. It’s always belonged to Gavin…
Luna
“Thank you for dinner, Luna. It was so good.”
“You’re welcome. I’m just glad you’re here,” I tell Juniper.
We are relaxing in my living room after sharing dinner. The memorial service was quick, and it left us all in kind of a funk. Gavin invited Juniper to dinner afterward and because I knew he didn’t feel like going to a restaurant, I volunteered to cook. Gavin argued, but I had my way after reminding him that I really do love cooking and already had hamburger laid out for us. I prepared a quick meal of meatloaf, corn and mashed potatoes with a chocolate pie for dessert. It wasn’t fancy, but it was good.
“Tomorrow, I’ll find a room at the local hotel. I don’t want to be an imposition,” Juniper responds.
The more time I spend with her, the more I like her. She’s sweet and no nonsense. She reminds me of Gavin some, because he’s pretty much straight forward too.
“Please, you’re doing me a favor. I can’t stay home from work tomorrow, and I’ll rest better knowing that Joshua has you at home with him.”
“It will be a hardship, staying home with this cutie playing video games all day.” Juniper ruffles Joshua’s hair, as she makes her joke. Joshua laughs, and I swear I think I see him blush. He’s developing quite the crush, too bad it’s on his aunt.
“Are you really thinking of staying in Stone Lake?” Gavin asks.
“I haven’t decided, but I would really like a chance to spend more time with you guys and get to know my nephew here. You know how I grew up. It wasn’t that different from your life—thanks to dear old Mom. I do know, I want to stay for a little while longer. I’ll rent a room at the hotel tomorrow and if I stay after that, I’ll start looking for a place to rent.”
“It sure would be nice to have you here, Junie,” Gavin says, and I can tell he means it.
I found out tonight that Gavin never realized he had a sister until about seven years ago, when Juniper came out to Montana to find him. They’ve been in touch ever since, and I’m so glad that Gavin had someone he could depend on. That really hasn’t been the case with his family in the past.
“We’ll see, but so far I really like it. It’s a big change from Nashville, and that’s exactly what I needed.”
“Are you going to tell me what happened in Nashville?” Gavin asks.
“It’s a long story, and not a very pretty one. Let’s just say I have our mother’s taste in men and leave it at that.”
“Well, I can only judge it on Roy,” Gavin says, and I see a look of pain come across his face. I reach out and squeeze his leg in silent support. He puts his hand over mine, holding it.
It feels right, this connection we have. There are times when it doesn’t feel like thirteen years have passed at all and I’m still with Gavin, the seventeen-year-old I fell in love with. It still feels like it did when we were young, still in school, and ready to tackle the whole world. I worry sometimes, that I’m fooling myself. That I will wake up from this fantasy I keep building and it won’t be good. I worry that I’m not living in reality, but I can’t deny that every day I spend with Gavin gets better and better.
“I really am sorry about your dad, Gavin. I know you had a bad history with him, but the way things went down, it can’t be easy,” Juniper says, and I notice as she says that she reaches over and hugs Joshua.
My heart squeezes in my chest. This is exactly what Joshua has missed all of these years. He’s never had a family. Atticus never had that in him and even if he did, he would have never given it to Joshua.
“I just hope we can find this guy, before he strikes again,” Gavin mutters, frustration thick in his voice.
“Do you really think it’s Darren?” I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that someone I knew in school is really that evil. For the millionth time, I wish I could go back and tell Jules to leave him alone. Even after all this time, I still miss her and wonder how life would have turned out for her had she not been murdered. I like to imagine she would have found a good man to love her.
