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Not looking at her impatiently, or looking through her or past her—really looking at her.
She stopped. Another tear fell, and she brushed it away.
There was something about the way his mouth was set. Something in his eyes, like anguish. Like longing.
She couldn’t understand what it meant. She was right here.
He closed the space between them and took Jacob by the armpits, hoisting him into his arms.
“You okay now, buddy?” Tony asked.
“Yeah, but I want Mom,” Jacob said.
“I know. We’re just getting in the van, though. Give Mom a minute, okay?”
Jacob made a faint noise of protest, but Tony was already bundling him through the door, and Amber was left alone in the middle of the bustle. She could hear the ocean. The driver talking as he loaded in Sean and Katie’s bags. Her kids’ voices inside the van and the low, familiar register of Tony soothing Jacob.
A breeze blew through the open lobby, cooling the back of her neck and leaving her feeling naked and isolated.
She shivered.
She wished Tony hadn’t seen.
There was no excuse for the tears. She hadn’t yet left the gorgeous resort where she’d spent a few days with her healthy, beautiful family. Money had been tight for so long—was tighter than ever right now—that they never would have come if her brother hadn’t been getting married here, and if he hadn’t insisted on paying for the plane tickets.
This trip was the first significant vacation her family had taken together, the first time any of the kids had traveled internationally, visited the ocean. The first time they’d had their father to themselves for five days in she didn’t know how long.
A treat. A luxury that she was grateful for.
She was.
Whatever was wrong with her, it was some kind of first-world problem, and she didn’t want to dump it on her husband. He worked so hard—worked as close to constantly as one man could without breaking. The housing market had been in the toilet for longer than anyone had expected, but Tony did everything possible to make up for it. He took jobs all over the state, wherever he could get them, and he never complained.
The work took him away from her, took him away from their kids, but the work was Tony. It was the way he loved them—by doing what needed to be done. Building them a big, beautiful house, carefully planning the details to suit her, making sure there would be enough room as the boys got older.
He was a good person, a great father. She didn’t want to resent him for never finding time for her, because they were partners, and they’d worked out their roles a long time ago.
They both had to pull their part of the load.
It was just that she was afraid to think about what that look on Tony’s face might mean.
Amber approached the van and started to file in behind Sean, who was ducking into the back with Katie. Tony turned around from where he was crouching across the front bench. “Hold on a sec, hon. I’m coming back out.”
“Aren’t we in a hurry?”
“Yeah. But hold on.”
She eased back out, apologizing to her aunt when she bumped into her. Jamila gave her a beautiful smile. “That’s all right. Help me up?”
Amber supported her aunt’s elbow as Jamila lifted her bulk into the van. She was very fat. Amber’s mom was always harping on it, but Jamila carried the weight as though she was supposed to have it. When the sisters stood next to each other, Amber often thought her mother looked starved, rather than Jamila excessive.
After her aunt was settled in the middle bench seat, she fussed with her purse and then said “Here, honey.” She pressed something into Amber’s hand. An envelope. “Put this in your purse for later.”
“Thank you,” Amber said, because Jamila was always pressing things into her hand. When she was a kid, it had been rolled-up five-dollar bills. At her college graduation, it was a card with five hundred dollars in it—an unbelievable sum.
Amber stepped back, tucked the envelope away. Tony followed her. He took her elbow and led her to a spot on the curb.
“We don’ want to be late!” the driver called. His smile appeared strained. Everyone in the van was watching them. Tony steered her so her back was to the vehicle, but she could still feel all those phantom eyeballs, wondering what this was about.
