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So inadequate, but all you had.
He knew it was painful, because he was that way, too. They had that in common. Fierce vigilance, and Amber.
Tony hugged her.
She didn’t like it. She stood there with her arms loose, sniffling again. But she was right. He didn’t have a mom anymore. All he had was Janet.
She wasn’t so bad.
She was wrong about love, though. Love wasn’t mean. It was life that was mean.
Love was where you found the strength to deal with it.
He rubbed her hair, messed it up a little like he always had done to his mom, and said, “Thanks for pinch-hitting with the kids.”
“It was no trouble.”
He let her go. She patted her hair back into place and smoothed down her blouse.
She looked at the floor and said, “That’s the reward, you know. Watching your own children find someone who makes them happier than they ever were alone. Meeting your grandchildren and watching them grow up. They’re so beautiful, you almost wish you hadn’t, because it hurts, and you’d thought you were done with that. You’d thought that part of your life—that difficult, unforgivably sentimental part—must be done with, and thank heavens, you know?”
Her eyes went back out the window. Drawn to her husband.
“But then I see the way Amber is with Jacob. So patient. And Caleb with that little boy who needs a father so badly. I saw Katie here in the kitchen tonight with this man I don’t know, but he looks at her like she’s the sun and the moon, and she is, of course. So that’s good. And Derek …”
She looked up at Tony, tears swimming in her eyes. “Derek made those airplanes with the boys like he used to do with Caleb, and it’s too beautiful. It’s too beautiful to live without.”
Tony’s eyes were stinging. “Don’t you dare make me cry.”
Janet got the crumpled-up tissue back out and pressed it to her nose. She took a deep breath to collect herself. “Men shouldn’t cry,” she said sternly. “It’s unseemly.”
“Go home, old woman.”
She smiled at him, a little wavery. “Just take care of my little girl, okay?”
“I will,” he said. He would. “I think we’ll be fine.”
Janet nodded. “That’s good,” she said. “Because if you break my daughter’s heart, I’m going to kill you.”
CHAPTER TEN
Tony waited in bed for his wife.
He had the TV tuned to a hockey game, but when she came into the room he watched her instead. She puttered around, moving in and out of the master bath to put away her shampoo and toothpaste. Dropping dirty clothes into the chute that went down to the laundry room on the first floor.
He’d put that chute in so she’d never have to carry baskets of dirty laundry down the stairs. She liked it.
He’d build her another one.
“I need a quick shower,” she said. “Wash off the grime.”
“I can wait.” He’d already showered while she was talking to Clark.
She went into the bathroom, and the water came on. He flipped off the TV and turned the overhead light out. Hands beneath the pillow, pushing it up into his head, he turned his face toward the cracked-open bathroom door and the sliver of light from where Amber was.
Janet said he couldn’t know what it was like for Amber, but Janet was wrong.
He could know, if he asked her.
