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Today, something different was happening. She was no longer doing what she did out of obligation, as in the first days. She was enjoying herself. And she began to feel secure. A wave of security washed back and forth, and Chris tried desperately to go with it.
In order to keep the wave close to her, she had to speak. Say anything that came to mind.
"I see the earth." Her voice was hesitant, calm, even though her second mind made an appearance from time to time, saying that Paulo must be finding all of this ridiculous. "We are in a safe place, we can stay here tonight, lie here and look up at the stars and talk of angels. There are no scorpions, no snakes, no coyotes.
"The planet set aside certain places for itself. It tells us to go away. In those places, without the millions of life forms that walk on its surface, the earth is able to be alone. She also needs her solitude, for she needs to understand herself."
Why am I saying that? He's going to think I'm showing off. I'm aware!
Paulo looked around. The dry bed of the river seemed gentle, smooth. But it inspired a terror of total solitude, of the complete absence of life.
"Say a prayer," Chris went on. Her second mind was no longer able to make her feel ridiculous.
But suddenly, she felt fear. Fear of not knowing which prayer, of not knowing how to continue.
And when she felt the fear, her second mind returned--and the ridicule, the shame, the concern about Paulo returned with it. After all, he was the Magus--he knew more than she, and must think all of this was phony.
She took a deep breath. She concentrated on the present, on the earth where nothing grew, on the sun that was already hidden. Bit by bit, the wave of security came back--like a miracle.
"Say a prayer," she repeated.
And it is going to echo
clearly
against the sky
when I come along
making my noise
She sat there in silence for a while, sensing that she had given her all, and that the channeling had ended. Then she turned to him.
"I went very far today. It's never happened that way."
Paulo caressed her face and kissed her. She didn't know whether he was doing that out of pity or pride.
"Let's go," he said. "Let's respect the earth's desire."
"Maybe he is saying that to give me a stimulus, to get me to try to continue channeling," she thought. But she was certain--something had happened. She hadn't invented all that.
"The prayer?" she asked, fearful of his answer.
"It's an ancient indigenous chant. From the Ojibway shamans."
She was proud of her husband's knowledge, even though he said it didn't count for much.
"How can these things happen?"
Paulo remembered J., discussing in his book the secrets of alchemy: "The clouds are rivers that already know the sea." But he wasn't inclined to explain. He was feeling tense, irritable, and didn't know exactly why he was staying on in the desert; after all, he already knew how to converse with his guardian angel.
"DID YOU SEE THE FILM PSYCHO?" PAULO ASKED CHRIS when they arrived back at the car.
Chris nodded her head.
"The lead actress dies in the bathroom early on in the film. In the desert, I learned how one converses with the angels by the third day. Meanwhile, I promised myself that I would spend forty days here, and now I can't change my mind."
"Well, there's still the Valkyries."
