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I wanted so much to tell someone, but knew as well as anyone how thorny the situation was. A fact I was reminded of when I saw the Loki’s Laugh van come up the road just as I was turning out of the industrial park.
There were other businesses there of course, but it was more than possible Varg and Stig would recognize me from the wedding. Not the strongest evidence in the world, but enough to shake things up.
We really did have our own lives, and no matter how connected to him, I felt or how great the sex was, I wasn’t sure how, or even if we could make it work.
I had my career, which I was dedicated to, and Ragnar had his music and seemed to be the real leader of the band. If I was honest with myself, I was also afraid of being judged.
Metalheads had come a long way since the 1980s. It was mostly accepted as just another music genre.
Even so, there were certain prejudices that came with it. One held by myself until very recently. I couldn’t even imagine what people in the metal community would make of me, if they saw what I wore day to day. I had to admit, though, that the clothes Jonna lent me did feel surprisingly good.
“Morning, Ms. Morris,” Pat greeted, with a tip of his cap.
“Oh, hey, Pat.”
Pat cleared his throat, as politely as possible. Taking a glance back, I saw him proper the pen, tapping the sign-in book with his other hand.
“Right, sorry.”
“Not a problem.”
The wall of the elevator met me as I slumped back. Taking a deep breath, I tried to center myself, determined to somehow muddle through. There wasn’t much that needed to be done that day. The big project was our seasonal line, and I had that more or less sewn up.
I was mostly just waiting for Fawn to deliver the samples. Maddie knew better than to bother me unless it was really important, particularly when I had my grumpy face on, which I was dismayed to find out I did.
Should I not be happy?
I’d had a new experience, lunchtime quickies not really something that had occurred to me before. Not to mention what happened during it. It was all such a jumble. I suddenly had an idea of how Jonna must have felt, falling for her boss.
As though the gods of irony were listening a call came through, I somehow knew it was from Jonna.
“Hey, little one.”
“Hey, sis, working?”
“Hardly working, but don’t tell anyone, okay?”
“My lips are sealed.”
“I knew I could count on you.”
“Always.”
A hand closed in my chest. She was taking my lines. Just one more indication of how much our roles had reversed. Her the stable, married mom, and me the jumbled alleged career woman obsessed with a metalhead five years my junior.
Still, if there was anyone who might understand, it was Jonna.
“I was wondering if you might like to meet us for dinner,” she said.
“Us, you mean you and Seth?”
“No, I wish that’s what I meant. He has to work tonight. It will be just the two of us, and Casey of course. He’s still on the boob and all.”
I chuckled. “I’d love to, where and when?”
“You choose, I’m no good at this stuff.”
“How about the Cedar Lounge?”
It must have been Opposite Day. That was the only way I could think of to explain how Jonna’s car was in the front lot of the Cedar Lounge as I arrived.
This girl would be late for her own funeral, yet somehow she had made it to dinner first. She must have sensed a disturbance in the balance of the universe as well.
“Hey, sis,” Jonna greeted, with a big hug.
“Hey.”
Casey giggled in his carrier, reaching his little arms out toward me. Much to my shame, I hadn’t really seen my nephew much since he was born. I came and went, but seemed to never have much time to spend with him.
“Do you want to hold him?” Jonna asked.
“Okay.”
Lifting Casey from the carrier, Jonna showed me how to hold him and support his head. Casey seemed happy with the situation, nuzzling his face into my chest.
“I think he likes you.”
“Looks like,” I agreed, looking down at the snoozing infant.
I’d never really considered having kids. It wasn’t that I was against it or had any silly ideas about it ‘ruining’ me. It just never really came. I had other things to focus on, like how to stay alive after graduation.
I could have gone to Mom and Dad for help, they hadn’t disowned me or anything, it just didn’t feel right. I was too self-sufficient, besides which, I still had Jonna to think about. I wasn’t that much older than her, but I had still always felt more like a mom than a sister.
It was only in the past few months, since she had really been flourishing so well with Seth, that I really started to feel like it would be okay to let go. She had her own life, and it was well past time I got one of my own!
