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“Why haven’t you been in love?” I asked.
“I was, a very long time ago.” Margot sat in the chair across from the desk. “Your grandfather was quite a man. And when he died in Vietnam, I knew that was it for me. Some people get love like that a few times in their lives, but I wasn’t destined to be one of them.”
I took a deep breath. “So it’s up to me? I’ve got to show her that love is a gift?”
Margot laughed. “You’ve got a very good man waiting for you.”
“I know.” I slipped my hand in my pocket and found that river rock, curled my fingers around it until it seemed to get hot in my palm.
I can do this.
If Matt could put the building collapse behind him and forgive his father and love me enough for the both of us, then I could go to him. I could put my faith in him. In love.
“I’m going to take Katie on a trip.”
“An excellent plan.”
“I don’t know when I’ll be back.”
“A very excellent plan.”
“I can do this,” I said, trying to convince myself.
Margot clasped one of my hands in both of hers. “You can do anything.”
I threw my arms around Margot. “Thank you,” I whispered. “Thank you for keeping us safe. Thank you for being the best mother I could have ever wished for.”
“You’re welcome. Now go get that man before he decides life is easier without you.”
Crap. That could really happen? I grabbed my purse and ran out of the library.
The sun was bright and I blinked at its radiance, feeling as if I’d come out of a cave into a brand-new day.
19
MATT
I flipped Carter’s card around in my fingers, the edges of the fine paper getting soft, dingy from wear.
To call or not to call.
“All right.” Erica came into my office with yet another box. “This is the last one.” She dropped the heavy box next to the other ten. All that was left of Steel and Wood. Files I needed to keep. Tax returns. Other documents that seemed too important to shred.
I was getting rid of the office space—the last of the work I could do from home.
“Thank you.” I pushed my chair until it hit the floor-to-ceiling window looking down on Washington Avenue.
“You already have,” Erica said, her eyes getting watery. The Rolex I gave her sparkled at her wrist, but I knew that wasn’t what she was talking about.
“When do classes start?”
“In a few days. Matt—”
“You’re going to be an incredible architect and Washington University will give you the best education.”
It had been hard convincing her to take the opportunity, but I knew she’d been saving for the chance to go back to school. I simply sped up the process.
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
“Well, I’m going to finish the Monroes’ lake house and the library in Creve Coeur, but then…” I flipped the card again. “We’ll see.”
“No more disappearing acts?”
It seemed like a miracle she could even see me. Every day I woke up and looked in the mirror at my body, and wondered how it was still around.
“I swear,” I held up my hand. “Now, you should head out before traffic gets too bad.”
I quickly hugged her, before her tears could start in earnest, and promised to stay in touch, to take care of myself.
Blah, blah, blah.
I just wanted to be alone. To lick my wounds. To examine all of my memories of Savannah and Katie in quiet. Torture myself in peace.
Savannah isn’t coming.
I knew that. I knew that the second I made the demand. She said she loved me, but without faith, love was shallow. Practically empty.
An hour later I heard the door open again and I spun away from the view I’d been staring at. The sun had set and my office was gray and shadowy, the yellow light from reception cutting a bright slice out of the gloom.
“I told you I’d—”
Savannah stepped into the doorway.
SAVANNAH
Nerves were cutting off all brain function. I could only look at him and wonder if I was too late.
Do you still want me? I wanted to ask. Even though I’m a mess? Even though it took me so long to believe in you, in the goodness and wonder of you?
My mouth was dry. My palms damp.
“Hi,” I said. Idiot.
“Savannah?” He stood, slowly as if in disbelief. He was thin again, pale. But so handsome in a suit, the tie pulled loose.
He wore his glasses. And I just wanted to curl up in his arms and lick him.
“Matt!” Katie barreled into the room, nearly knocking him over in her enthusiasm. “Whoa! Look at that view!” She ran to the window and pressed her face against it, her breath creating condensation against the glass. She’d been this way the whole journey—two days of uncorked curiosity. It was exhilarating. And exhausting. “You’re not going to believe it. We saw the Mississippi River. It looks dirty. And we saw a homeless person and we got stuck in traffic. Lots of traffic. We stayed in a motel, Matt. With a pool. Can you believe it?”
