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“I’d forgotten how you smell,” he said, kissing the tops of my thighs. The push of my hip bone against my skin. “Like spice and sweat and lilacs.”
I moaned, arching towards him and he rewarded me with a finger slip down between my legs. Through tight curls to the wet of me. The slick heat. He sucked in a breath. I blew out one. His finger, calloused and wide and thick brushed my clit, sending electricity right through me. I arched on the bed, pressing down on his finger, wanting it inside of me. Wanting him inside of me.
There was another finger, pressing the lips of my pussy out wide and then, oh God, then it was his tongue. And it was over for me. I put my fingers in his hair, draped my leg over his shoulders.
“More,” I demanded and felt him chuckle against me. But he gave me more. A finger deep inside of me. Another one. And I was grinding down on him as hard as I could. Fucking his fingers the way I wanted to fuck him.
“God-damnit,” he breathed and then sat up, still fucking me with one hand while he reached, his mouth slick, for the drawer beside his bed.
A condom.
I pushed his hand out of me, reaching for his cock with both hands and my mouth. Knowing I only had seconds before he was fucking me into the head board. I licked him. Sucked him. Stroked him. The taste and feel of him in my mouth exploded in my memory.
“Jules,” he moaned and I felt his fingers in my hair, palming the back of my head.
God, I’d missed this so much. This easy intimacy. The natural give and take of pleasure. Ten years ago I’d had no idea how rare this was.
He pushed me away, his fingers shaking as he rolled the condom down over his erection. I moved back on the bed and he crawled over me, grabbing onto the backs of my thighs, lifting me, pulling me.
“You ready?” he asked, braced on one hand, his blue eyes boring into mine.
“Are you?”
He grinned and in one smooth thrust he was deep inside of me. I screamed. He laughed, evil and dark. And then he started to fuck me like he had to make up for lost time. He fucked me like he had something to prove. He fucked me until I came twice, the second time so hard I couldn’t move anymore. I just held on, whispering his name. Trying as hard as I could not to say the words that wanted so badly to be said.
I love you.
He came with a roar. Head-bent and shaking he practically collapsed against me.
“Sorry,” he gasped. “I’m…crushing you.”
He shifted as if to leave but I held him there. “No. It’s good.”
He didn’t fight me, just gave me his weight until I felt the boundaries of my body again. The edges of my skin where it felt like they’d burned away.
“Gimme a second,” he said, finally pushing off and away from me. Holding his dick and the condom and walking naked and proud to the bathroom next door.
I knew if I stayed where I was, naked in his bed, he’d come back. And we’d talk. And he’d fuck me again. And we’d talk some more. And those words… the words that would change everything would come roaring out of me.
And we’d done this already, jumped into love and both been shattered by the aftermath.
So, I did the impossible and dragged myself out of bed and got dressed. My body raw under my clothes.
He stepped into the room and saw me. “Wow,” he said.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“No,” he said. “I get it. You’re taking me up on the dirty little secret thing.”
“No,” I said and reached for him. Holding his hands even when he tried to pull away.
There was still so much between us that was unsettled and unsure. And in the moonlight, drunk on orgasms…I just couldn’t do it.
“Tomorrow,” I said. “We’ll talk. Really talk.”
“Sure,” he said. I kissed him hard and when he tried to pull me up against him, I stepped away.
“Tomorrow,” I said. “I promise.”
13
The next day, I got a message from Tyler that he was going to take Miguel out to watch the bulldozers clear out the FEMA trailers.
A few hours later, unable to keep my mind on work, I took the drive out to the site. Only to find Tyler alone next to his truck.
“Where’s Miguel?” I asked, yelling over the sounds of bulldozers and jackhammers breaking up the concrete pads.
Tyler pointed to the bulldozer systematically rolling over a brown trailer that used to be someone’s home. From inside the cab, wearing a hard hat and sitting next to a man I recognized as Bill Hartley, Miguel waved.
The smile on the kid’s face could light up the night sky.
