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"Okay, for now I'll call your school. Then after I get your brothers to school we'll check again." Daddy said. "How does that sound?"
"Thank you, Daddy," I said.
I used the most innocent and pitiful voice I could.
Then I waited.
I'd had a crush on Daddy for the longest time now. Maybe ever since Mommy had married him.
But I'd never acted on it. But I was eighteen now. And with Mommy away this was my perfect chance!
You can call me wicked if you want. But at least I knew exactly what I wanted. How many people can say that?
At last Daddy got all my kid brothers out the door. Then I could hear him on the downstairs phone. He talked to my school.
I heard him cleaning up downstairs.
I got goosebumps thinking about what might happen next. I couldn't wait for Daddy to come back upstairs.
Finally, he returned with the thermometer.
"Okay, let's try this again, shall we? That first reading couldn't have been right." Daddy said.
Daddy handed me the thermometer. I looked at it.
"Well, there is another way to take my temperature," I said. "If we want to be sure that is."
Daddy looked confused.
"What do you mean?" He said.
"Well, you know, don't you?" I said.
Daddy shook his head.
"Well, you stick the thermometer...well...you know...in that place where the sun don't shine." I said.
I pretended to be so innocent and embarrassed about it.
"You mean, you want to take a rectal temperature?" Daddy said.
"Isn't that the most accurate?" I said.
"Yeah, but, we don't really need to do that," Daddy said.
"But I wanna be accurate," I said.
"Okay, if that's what you want to do." Daddy said. "Then, I'll sterilize the thermometer for you. And I think we've got some...some...um...lubricating jelly. I'll be right back."
Daddy came back with cotton, alcohol, and a bottle of lubricant. The bottle of lubricant hadn't ever been opened.
Daddy sterilized the thermometer with some cotton and alcohol. Then he opened the box that held the lubricant. He pulled out the tube.
And handed both to me.
"Okay, now I'll wait outside. Just tell me when you're finished." He said.
"Daddy!" I whined.
