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I nod slowly as I feel the underwater feeling try to cover me. "I don't feel worthy of you." I shut my eyes.
He pulls the car over, and I want to sink right through the floor of the car. This seems too much, like I’m being too dramatic.
"You are worthy of the whole damn world, Sky. Outer space. The fucking solar system. And we belong together."
He crawls into my side of the car and lets the seat down and wraps himself around me. It feels so good. My eyes ache and my throat tightens.
"Is this what's keeping you up at night? Shit about us?" Vance sounds almost affronted.
I squeeze my eyes shut, which makes tears fall. "I worry I'm not right for you,” I choke out. “That I can't be what you need. You're light years ahead of me.” In keeping with the space analogies. “You know yourself, and you accept yourself. And other people. I'm...behind.” I let a long breath out. “And I'm aware of that."
V’s fingers wipe my tears, and his eyes shine his love down at me. It’s a tangible thing; I can see it when he looks at me like this.
"You're ahead of me in some ways, too,” he murmurs. “But we're together. This is us, it isn't me and you. We're a fucking team, McD. Forever."
"Are you sure you really want that?" Tears are stinging my eyes, and I hate that I feel like a pussy when I cry around him.
"I'm more than sure. Is that what's keeping you from taking me down to the courthouse?"
I hold his head against my chest and squeeze my eyes shut. "Yes.” I let a breath out, go on in a voice that still sounds broken. “I don't want to rope you in too soon. Or take away your freedom."
"Is that how you feel? Like your freedom's gone?"
"Of course not.” I cup my hand around the back of V’s head. “I wanted this for years." I don't say what he already knows: I wanted a family badly enough to consider it with a woman.
Vance made all of that impossible. In the end, I wanted him enough to say goodbye to everything I’d planned for myself. I figured coming out would be the end of my career. But he’s right when he says it’s not just a career; it’s a calling. That’s why I holed up after I did that gay wedding—because I could feel it coming—my own coming out. And I was scared.
"I don't want to chain you down,” I manage as he lifts his head to look at my face. “Especially before you can…see how it will be,” I choke out.
"But I want that.” He laughs like he thinks I’m crazy. “I took your ring, Sky. I'm already your husband in my heart and mind."
I press my temple to his. Then I brush a kiss over his strong jaw. I’m feeling better suddenly, like all the dark stuff has passed. "Let's go to the courthouse," I say.
He hoots out a soft laugh. "Right now?"
"Do you think it's open?" I ask.
"No." He laughs again, and I can tell by how careful his expression is that he’s trying not to ask me if I’ve lost my mind.
"I don't want to wait. I keep putting it off. But not because I don’t want to. Because I'm scared,” I whisper.
“I’m not gonna ask if that means cold feet.” He smiles like he’s teasing, but there’s something in his face that makes me wonder if he isn’t.
I cup his cheek. “C’mon, Rayne. Tell me you’re not wondering about that—not really.”
He puts his face against my neck, and something warm shifts in my upper chest. “Rayne, Rayne… My Rayne. We’ve gotta fix this ASAP. Get the paperwork and get you settled. Get the good insurance going. Wear the rings and give you everything you deserve.”
I kiss his jaw under his ear and then he’s taking my mouth. He kisses me deep and hard and hot until my dick is aching, and I’m wishing we could go at it right here in the car.
“You treat me just fine, preacher. Better than fine.”
I’m unbuttoning his pants when V’s hands close around mine.
“C’mon, preacher,” he says softly. “We don’t want some dashboard footage or some weird shit like that busting up our party.”
I laugh, but I grab his jaw and kiss him again because my dick’s so hard I can’t not.
We drive home with our hands locked together and my boner still throbbing, and I feel better than I have in a while. When we get there, I figure we’ll end up between the sheets, but V offers to cook one of those pre-made skillet meals while I hop in the shower.
When I come out, I find him frowning at the bag. “I think this may be expired?”
