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My frown deepens and I pick at my burger. I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.
“I don’t think he’d do that,” I say, trying to stick to my convictions. “He really loves me.”
Sarah takes a deep breath.
“Again, I don’t want to say this, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say it: old habits die hard.”
I stare at her.
“What are you talking about?”
My friend looks regretful as she elaborates.
“I’m just saying that Brandon’s forty-five, and he’s set in his ways. How long has he been divorced?”
“Ten years,” I mumble.
Sarah nods.
“Exactly. So it’s possible that he’s been using escorts for a full ten years. Maybe he’s stopped, but maybe not. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I think you should keep your wits about you because you’re a new, shiny toy in his life, and it’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks.”
I shake my head furiously, tears coming to my yes.
“No, he wouldn’t!” I say fiercely, staring at my plate. “He promised.”
Sarah nods thoughtfully. “Okay, but have you and Brandon had ‘the Talk’ yet?”
I furrow my brows. “What?”
My friend sighs.
“You know, ‘the Talk,’ where you define the relationship and your expectations for each other.”
“Well yes, sort of,” I say. “Like I said, he promised that he’s not using escorts anymore. But it’s more than that. I told him I loved him, and he said it back, so we’re way past the initial phase of getting to know each other.”
Sarah crosses her arms over her chest.
“Okay, but love only goes so far,” she replies seriously. “Talk is cheap, remember? I hate to sound so nit picky, but did you guys put concrete terms to your relationship? Did you decide to be exclusive, and stop seeing others?”
My stomach feels suddenly upset, and I push my plate away. “No, we didn’t explicitly discuss that. But thank you for your concern, Sarah,” I say, a little stiffly. “I’ll keep your words in mind.”
My friend immediately looks penitent.
“I know this is hard to swallow, Luce, but again, Brandon is decades older than you, and he’s already admitted that he uses professionals. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy, but it could be that he has different expectations from life.”
“He told me he wants children,” I state in a wooden tone.
Sarah nods thoughtfully.
“Yes, but talk is cheap,” she repeats softly once more. “Men will do anything to get in your pants. You know that.”
Now, I’m angry and my features are frozen in place.
“Thank you for your concern,” I say in a frigid voice. “But I promise you that everything is fine. More than fine. Better than fine.”
Mercifully, Sarah nods and accepts my dismissal. We move a bit awkwardly to other subjects, and soon she has me laughing as if the first part of our conversation never occurred. Still, even after we’ve split the check and hugged goodbye, I still can’t shake the feeling that a bucket of ice water has been dumped over my head. I feel uncomfortable, unsettled, and suddenly very insecure, because what if my friend’s right? What if Brandon’s been lying through his teeth this entire time? What if he’s still using escorts, even though he explicitly said he wasn’t? Old habits do die hard after all.
7
Lucy
There’s no problem in life that a homemade baked good can’t fix. That’s my philosophy, anyways. But I think that anyone who disagrees must have no joy left in their heart because who can resist the sugary goodness of a batch of cookies, or a spongy cake?
Today, I’ve decided to bake a loaf of banana bread, liberally sprinkled with chocolate chips. Brandon mentioned on our last date how much he loves banana bread, and I know he has a sweet tooth, so chocolate chips seem like a great addition. Plus, banana bread is doable. Maybe I’m not the world’s best baker, but I know my way around a stand mixer, and my mom is lucky enough to have one of those fancy KitchenAids that I hope to have in my own home someday.
Humming a snippet from a song on the radio, I gather my ingredients and lay them out on the counter. I’ve made banana bread a few times so I’m not too worried about messing it up. Besides, Brandon is sweet enough that he’d probably like it even if I did.
As I always do, I smile just thinking about my boyfriend. My conversation with Sarah a few weeks ago made me nervous, but no evidence has arisen to suggest that Brandon’s affection and promises are anything but genuine. I comfort myself with the reminder that Sarah has always been a little overprotective. She loves me, and is only looking out for me. In fact, when I told her about Jasper and Celine, her first response was, “I always knew he was a scumbag. Let’s key his car!” (Thankfully, I was able to convince her not to.)
