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We had the girls to think about, and I had Nanna and a job and a whole life that was already packed to the rafters without him.
He had the yard, and the pub, and a thousand women to keep serviced for the sake of a boxful of cash under his bed.
And I love him.
This was sex. Just sex. Of course it was.
I put the ring back where I’d found it and walked home in my old sandals.
I was all smiles at breakfast, helping Mum with the pans while Dad played dominoes with the girls. I wanted to say something, wished I could have said something, but there wasn’t really much to say anyway.
I fucked Jodie last night, Mum. It meant everything.
“You alright, Darren?” Mum’s eyes were fixed on mine, her eyebrows raised.
“Alright, Mum, yeah.”
“Anything happened? You seem… bright…”
“Just the usual.”
She nodded, like that even fucking meant anything. The usual what?
Ruby tipped over the domino tower in time for eggs. I watched the girls eat, listened to the way they laughed, soaked up all the stories they told my mum and dad.
Today all I saw in them was Jodie, even in Ruby. Her eyes, her laugh, the way she flicked her hair.
“Dad’s taking us rallying,” Ruby said. “And Mum and Tonya and Daisy are coming too.”
Mum smiled at me. “They are, are they? Is that right, Darren? Is Jodie going?”
I shrugged. “Think she’s getting a tent.”
“She is getting a tent,” Ruby said. “A big one with three rooms, I’ve seen the picture on the internet.”
“How lovely,” Mum said.
“Lovely,” Dad said.
I ate my eggs.
I took the girls to the cinema for the afternoon, some magical crap film that bored the shit out of me. I ate popcorn and stared at my phone, waiting for a text from Jo that never came. I don’t know what I was expecting.
Ruby was in high spirits as we left, but Mia was quiet.
“What’s up?” I asked as we drove back to the village, but she shrugged and claimed it was nothing.
I had a paranoia that she knew Jodie had stayed over, that it would be weird for them. The kind of weird that no kid should have to deal with, at least not until her parents were with the fucking plot. I wondered if I should text Jodie, scope out whether I should push it with Mia and what I should say if she did know, but I held back.
I made them a cruddy sandwich at mine and they didn’t seem to mind. Ruby watched TV while Mia played around on her phone. I smiled at the flashing washing machine, load completed, couldn’t help but notice that there were a lot more clean mugs in the cupboard.
We were getting ready to leave for Jodie’s when Mia headed off into her bedroom. I found her on her bed, scrunched into a little ball with her hands over her face.
“Mia’s sad,” Ruby said, like I couldn’t work that out for myself.
“Why don’t you go watch some Top Gear, Rubes?” I said. “I’ll be right out.”
I closed the door when I heard the theme tune ring out, sat on the edge of Mia’s bed and asked her if she wanted to talk. My heart was pounding, guilty, like I’d been caught out doing something I shouldn’t, but the truth of it was nothing like I imagined.
She twisted around and grabbed my waist, buried her face in my t-shirt. I could hardly make out her words.
“Please don’t make me go to school tomorrow, Dad. I don’t want to go to school tomorrow! Please, Dad, please say I don’t have to go!”
“Hey,” I said. “What’s wrong with school tomorrow?”
I thought about homework, some shitty teacher, some cruddy sports day she didn’t want to get involved in, all the usual.
“It’s Tyler…” she cried. “Tyler Dean. He’s really mean to me on the bus, calls me names… Says I’m ugly and stinky and makes all the other kids laugh at me. Mum told Mrs Webber and Mrs Webber told Tyler’s mum, but now he’s even more mean! He sits by me and pretends to smile, rubs my hair and uses his knuckles…” She let out a sob. “He says we’re friends now. That he’ll be friends with a slimy stinky ugly snitch like me, but I owe him now, and if I tell anyone…” She was crying too hard to make the rest out.
I could feel the twitch in my jaw.
“And what did the little fucker say will happen if you tell anyone, Mia?”
“He said he’ll make life horrible! So horrible I’ll kill myself and he’ll laugh about it! He’s been getting people to block me on Facebook. I’ve seen horrible things about me on other people’s timelines.” She gulped in a breath. “He says he’ll make sure nobody likes me, that every single person on the internet knows what a stinky little snitch I am!”
