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“Please, have a seat. May I call you Ace?”
He looked at her and nodded. What did he care?
“I’m Dr. Lammley.” She pointed to the seat after he still hadn’t sat down. Once he was in the plush leather chair he started bouncing his leg, his nerves at being here starting to grow.
“So, how about you tell me why you’ve come to talk to me today.”
He stared at her, took in her longer salt and pepper colored hair, the dark brown eyes partially hidden behind thick lime green frames, and the grey pinstripe dress suit she wore. He shrugged, feeling his skin tighten, his heart pound, and adrenaline start to course through him at a fast pace. He felt like he was high, like he was dealing with a bad trip, about to lose his shit right here in the office.
“I figured it was the right thing to do.”
“How so, Ace?” She jotted something down on the pad of paper she held.
He shrugged again even though she wasn’t staring at him, and looked over at the window. He stared at the buildings, breathed in and out slowly, evenly, and told himself the sooner he got this over with the better it would be. “I thought talking to someone about my past might help my future.” He looked at the doctor again. “Because I think the woman I’m in love with deserves that much.”
The doctor nodded, wrote something else down, then leaned back in the chair. “So you’re doing this, coming here today to talk to me because of the woman you’re in a relationship with?”
He nodded, then closed his eyes. “Yes, no … I don’t know.”
“It’s okay. Just take your time.”
He kept bouncing his leg. “My dad used to beat me, verbally abuse me, and when he went on a bender I learned to hide as best I could.”
The doctor sat there quietly, nodding, writing on her notepad. “So your childhood was something you feared; you should have looked up to your father instead of been afraid of him.”
He nodded. “He’d lock me in closets to ‘teach me a lesson’, use his belt on me to ‘toughen me up’…” He scrubbed a hand over his face as the memories of his past consumed him. Ace had done a good job throughout his life of blocking out as best he could the things his father had done to him. He’d used fighting, pain, both physical and mental, as his therapy.
“And you feel, by the looks of the bruises on your cheek, your split lip, and the wounds on your knuckles that you’ve self-medicated with violence.”
He stared at her, nodding. “It’s what I know, what I like.”
“I can understand that, but you must feel inside that a part of that violence isn’t what you really want or you wouldn’t be here.”
“It’s all I’ve ever known, and the only thing that’s made me feel centered, semi-normal.” He thought on what she said for a second. “I’m here because I want to make it work with the woman that’s been in my life for a long time, who has never judged me, and knows me better than I probably know myself.”
“So this woman is your lifeline?”
“She is my life. She’s my everything, and whatever it takes to ensure that I don’t disappoint her, that I don’t hurt her by my actions, I’ll do it in a heartbeat.”
10
Lauren unpackaged a box of new books, set them on the counter, and looked down at them. The small bookstore she helped run with her mother carried more of the classics, but Lauren had just ordered a batch of more risqué items that would now be sold at The Reading Nook.
“Seriously, Lauren?” Her mother held about ten books in her arms, all of them classic literature. “I don’t think the customer base that comes in here is really looking for sexy books.”
Lauren smiled at her mother and looked down at the cover of the book on the top of the stack. It showed a man on a horse, his chest bare, his abdomen rippled, of course. He wore a cowboy hat, and from what she could see tight ass jeans.
“I mean look at him,” her mother said and set the books down, pointing to the man on the cover. “You tell me where these kinds of men are.”
Lauren started laughing. She thought about Ace, and although he wasn’t a wrangling cowboy, he definitely had a body that was superior to even the cover model on the book. She thought about the night they’d had just a few days ago, about the way he’d made her feel, and the things he’d said. Lauren loved him so much, wanted them to work out, because she couldn’t see herself with anyone else.
“How is Ace?” her mom asked and started putting the books she’d carried in on the small shelf by the front register.
