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"And, usually the guys who like EDM are tools who want to tell you how great ecstasy is."
"You've met these guys?"
I nod. "Mostly older brothers of friends, usually visiting from some school in California or one of those states that's all dessert."
Again, he chuckles.
"What?"
"You're not worried about hurting my feelings."
"Of course not." Not with this.
"I told you a hobby and you called me a tool."
"It's a hobby for tools. But I was surprised because you're not a tool. And you're not… well, if all you do is work and play soccer, you don't really have that club going druggie personality."
"I don't."
"Are you offended?"
"No." He smiles. "Just thinking about how much I like you."
"Oh." My cheeks flush. "Because I insulted you?"
"Because you told me what you thought. And that was more important to you than tact." He takes a long sip of his coffee. "It feels good, being in a room full of people dancing. Even without the ecstasy—"
"Have you done it?"
"A few times. It's like everyone says. You feel all this love and connection with the people around you, with the entire world."
That doesn't sound like Cam.
"It's strange. I liked it while it was happening, but after I didn't understand it."
"I guess everyone experiments in college." I could call this an experiment, but I won't. That's selling it short.
He nods. "Back then, I needed loud distractions like a room of packed strangers. I couldn't be alone with my thoughts. I couldn't handle it."
"Was there a reason?"
"I didn't like myself."
"Do you now?"
"Sometimes."
I take a long sip. "Because of sex?"
He pauses. Studies me. "Yes." His eyes meet mine. "I'm glad you didn't fuck strange men for money, Sienna. Not just because I'm glad to be your first, though I am."
My blush deepens.
"Because I don't want shit to fuck with your head."
So he… had sex for money? That can't be right. "Have you?"
"No. But my first experience with sex was fucked up. It fucked me up. I'm still… I still don't know how to connect sex and intimacy."
"Usually, you hate people after?"
"Yes." His voice softens. "I still like you."
"Oh."
"I… you're fucking with my head."
"I warned you."
"I'm glad. But it's… new. I still don't know how to handle it."
He doesn't know how to handle how much he likes me.
Fuck.
We need to go now.
Here.
Did I mention now?
"I haven't kissed anyone since July," he says. "I haven't touched anyone since I kissed you. I tried, but I couldn't. I couldn't stop thinking about you."
"Oh."
"Have you?"
"There was a guy at a party. I was drunk. It didn't mean anything, but I did… I thought of you immediately. Of how he'd never compare."
"That was all?" he asks. "A kiss."
I nod.
"What was it like?"
"A dare at a party."
"And you always take dares?"
"Mostly."
"How would you prefer it?"
"I don't know. I couldn't really think of anyone but you."
"If it had been me?"
"At some party?"
He nods.
Mmm. Cam at a party. "Are you wearing your suit?"
"I never take it off."
"What about this?" My fingers brush his forearms.
"It's not off."
"The running jersey?"
"Prove it."
Mmm. Sassy Cam. Yes. More. Now. "I don't know. I, uh, I know a lot of older people think it's not sexy if a guy asks if he can kiss you, but I like the way you do it. Like you're daring me."
"Older?" He points to his chest.
"Are guys asking to kiss you?"
"Not often."
"Do you think it's sexy?" I run my fingers over my cup. "When a woman asks?"
"It depends how she asks." He places his hand on my forearm, looks into my eyes, lowers his voice. "If she says, Cam, I want to kiss you. And she leans in close and looks at me like she'll die if I don't touch her."
Mmm.
"I'm glad you asked me to kiss you. I was terrified."
He was? He always seems so strong and in control. "It didn't show."
"I know."
"You're not supposed to say that."
"Why? I do."
My lips curl into a smile. "It, uh, I do think it's sexy, that you ask what I want. Other guys aren't like that. Even guys my age, who claim they're all about the new rules for sex."
"There are new rules?"
"Enthusiastic consent."
"And they object?"
"They complain women won't tell them what they want. Or that talking kills the mood. But, uh, I think when you…"
"You like dirty talk, sweetness?"
Mmm. "Yes."
"You like when I order you to take off your knickers and sit on my cock?"
Fuck. "Now?"
He chuckles. "No."
"But…"
"Not here."
"So now, but somewhere else."
"Soon." His eyes meet mine. His lips curl into a smile. "I'm having too much fun torturing you."
God, he's so mean and I like it so much. "I, uh, what was I saying?"
"How you want to sit on my cock."
"Cam!"
"You were."
"You think I won't do it right now?"
"I do." His voice drops to a dare. "I know you won't do it now."
Fuck, he's right. I won't do it here. "I just… I was saying something."
