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She comes to some of my games and cheers me on and takes me out for drinks when we lose. (Well, back to her and Ian's place, for very fancy gin and tonics).
And I tell her about Cam and how I'm waiting and how I miss him and love him and need him.
She's gracious enough not to say I told you so (but we both know she's thinking it).
I make friends, I play, I study.
I live my life. Not waiting for Cam, exactly, but still in this state of limbo.
His pictures are the highlight of my day.
London tourist attractions, work meetings, sweaty post-run selfies (so yummy, seriously), favorite coffee shops, new restaurants, pub nights with friends.
The decorations in the waiting room of his therapist's office.
His Halloween costume. (He goes as Ian, which basically means a suit, but with a hot pink tie. Supposedly, it's a hit at the office, but I don't buy it).
(I go as a unicorn, of course).
I celebrate my birthday with friends.
He sends me a rainbow cake (dick shaped, of course) and a new suit jacket, a thicker one for cooler weather, already tailored to fit me.
I send him pictures of the changing leaves.
He stays in London for Thanksgiving. He's not ready yet. He doesn't trust himself with me.
He knows, as soon as he sees me, he's going to fuck me senseless.
And that makes the waiting such beautiful agony.
Chapter Fifty-Five
Cam
After four months avoiding the subject of sex with Sienna, I'm on my way to New York. It's my first time leaving London since I kissed her.
And the first time I'm asking myself can I handle fucking her and really considering the answer.
I think about it all the time, but it's always hypothetical. Will I be ready when I see her… sometime in the future.
Only I'm seeing her tonight.
I'm not sure I'm ready, but I'm in a fucking frenzy anyway.
I need to see her.
I need to touch her.
I need to kiss her.
After that, I'm not sure.
But I really fucking need to kiss her.
After a bad night of sleep and a long day of meetings, I get ready for our company's holiday party.
I finish dressing; I arrive early; I mingle.
I play my part as life of the party—it's not like Ty can do it. I tease, I laugh, I fill champagne glasses.
The second Sienna enters, my calm evaporates.
She and Indigo are arm in arm, and they're dressed to complement each other.
Indigo in a silver gown (as Sienna would say, it's a total boss bitch look). Sienna in a short gold dress and matching tights, her lips the perfect shade of red, my suit jacket hanging on her shoulders.
The same cufflinks.
Her eyes meet mine. Brighten. She nearly runs to me, but she stops herself.
She sneaks a text—thirty minutes, then you're mine—and suffers through Indigo's meet and greets. Then Ty's.
He beams every time he introduces Indigo as his wife.
I was wrong. He is lighting up the party. Not with the kind of energy I bring, but with his own.
He's still over the moon.
He's still the picture of love and devotion.
It doesn't make my stomach drop.
It doesn't make my throat close.
I'm happy for him. Happy for Indigo.
Happy, period.
After Sienna does the rounds with her sister, she finds Eve at the bar. After ten minutes sipping their drinks—something bright green for Sienna, a gin and tonic for Eve—they turn to me.
"Cam!" Eve waves as if she just noticed I arrived. "Hey, I haven't seen you in forever."
Sienna stares at me like she's going to rip my clothes off, but she stays where she is.
"Are you going to make us walk over there?" Eve waves to me again. "Look at our shoes."
"Does he have to look to know you're wearing combat boots?" Sienna laughs.
Eve does too. "How else will he know my laces are silver?"
"And Ian's still wearing a bright pink tie." She nudges her friend, finishes her drink, looks to me.
Immediately, desire overtakes her expression. Her pupils dilate. Her tongue slides over her lips. Her fingers dig into her glass.
"Yes, we're hilarious. I agree," Eve says. "Like Cam with his whole thing about calling soccer football. Like we don't know it's called football everywhere else."
"If you knew, you'd call it football," I say.
Eve whispers something in Sienna's ear.
Sienna whispers back.
They're good friends now. If that's the case, anything is possible.
This is possible.
Fuck, it needs to be possible.
Eve nods and looks to me. "Okay, if you insist, we'll come over there." She leads Sienna to me. Moves to the side, so she's blocking us from view. "Oh no, I just realized, I have to ask Ty and Indigo a very long, complicated question that will distract them for the next two minutes. Damn." She snaps with faux disappointment. "Make use of the time."
Sienna mouths thank you.
Eve turns and moves in the direction of her brother-in-law.
