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She had me in a tangled ball of nerves, which is exactly what she wanted.
I ran my hands down my body, gyrating my hips in beat to the thumping base. I moved closer to the camera, careful to keep the lens focused below the neck. When the music stopped, I sent a quick message—thank you, Darling, xoxo— and shut down my operation.
I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t settle. I needed to get out of the house. I needed something to get my mind off the fact that my life was once again out of my control. Because the truth was, Tiffany could blow my worldwide open at any moment.
What the hell was I going to do?
My phone rang and my heart started pounding in my chest. I was almost scared to look at the screen, but when I did, I smiled, relaxing.
I quickly answered it. “Hey, buddy. How are you?”
“Hi, Rob! You didn’t call me yesterday like you were supposed to,” my brother said on the other end.
I winced. “Oh man, I’m sorry Sam. I’ve been so busy lately. But that’s no excuse. I guess I’ll have to make it up to you with the tickets I bought last week to see a Lakers game next month.”
“Are you serious? That will be so much fun!” Sam was enthused and I couldn’t stop grinning. No matter how crappy things were for me, my brother always made me feel better.
“I thought we could go to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner afterward. How does that sound?” I asked him.
“That sounds amazing, Rob! When are we going?” I could hear his excitement. Knowing I was making him happy, made me happy.
“Three weeks from Saturday.”
“Aww, that’s so far away.” I could picture him pouting and I laughed.
“How about I come up to see you on Sunday and we can watch the game on TV? I’ll bring all your favorite snacks,” I promised him.
“Yeah! That would be great. I miss you, Rob,” he said.
“I miss you too, buddy,” I replied. “Has Mom been up to see you this week?”
“She came up yesterday. She brought me some new video games and we ordered pizza. She said she hasn’t talked to you in a while.”
“Don’t worry Sam, I’ll call her tomorrow,” I assured him. Then I listened as he told me all about a new video game he had been playing. Sam was really into Nintendo games. He was really good at them too. I didn’t understand half of what he was talking about when he started on a gaming tangent, but I enjoyed hearing about something that brought him so much joy.
After a few minutes, I could hear someone speaking to Sam in the background. “I’d better go, Rob.”
“Is that Jill?” I asked in a teasing voice, referring to another resident at the facility that my brother spent a lot of time with. Jill was the same age as Sam, and it was clear that they liked each other.
“Yeah, we’re going to the canteen for dinner. Jill says hi,” Sam said.
“So, is Jill your girlfriend yet?”
“Noooo….” he said, drawing out the word.
“Sam, I told you how to ask her out. She likes you, you should go for it,” I encouraged. I realized absently that perhaps I should be taking my own advice.
“I’m embarrassed, Rob. I don’t know if I can do it.” He sounded so young, even though he was older than me. He’d always sound and talk like he was much younger than he was.
“You can do it, buddy. I talked you through it already. Just bite the bullet and ask Jill out. She’ll say yes, I promise.” I wanted Sam to live as full a life as he could. I had sold my soul to ensure it.
“Okay, maybe I will tonight. I’ll tell you about it on Sunday,” he said. I could hear the smile in his voice.
“Bye, Sam.”
“Bye, Rob. I love you.”
After he hung up, I felt a little better. But then I thought of all the ways Tiffany could ruin Sam’s life too and that good feeling talking to my brother had given me disappeared like a popped soap bubble.
I turned off the light in my filming room and closed the door behind me, heading to my room to get dressed. Not sure what to do with myself and feeling incredibly antsy, I grabbed my old sketchbook and drawing pencils and decided a change of scenery was exactly what I needed.
I was only a fifteen-minute walk from the large park in the center of town. The air was brisk and there was a chill in the air. The sun was setting earlier and earlier now that it was fall but there was enough light for me to do some drawing. Once at the park, I headed straight for the massive oak tree that sat by itself in the middle of the green field. There were still families around. Kids climbing all over the playground equipment. There was a group of guys playing parks and rec soccer. It felt good to be surrounded by people.
