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The story that gets re-posted the most is written by one of the sleazier, lazier gossip bloggers out there, Kitty Warner. Kitty’s Litter Blog isn’t one of the normal media sites, which at least have a little bit of journalistic integrity. Kitty Warner favors a writing style that’s half tabloid hype, half conspiracy theory-level insanity, and all just fact-based enough that suing her is a waste of time.
And she gave me the full Kitty treatment on this one.
Riley Sunshine: Scandalous Video Slays Image
The world of influencers is full of spotty characters at the best of times. Normally, they’re Botox and silicone-filled ‘models’ who use their overly filtered feeds to steer delusional ‘fans’ into paying for chats, nude photos, or overpriced merch with their pseudo-recognizable taglines.
But few have been so grating, so saccharine sweet, as Riley Sunshine. The self-professed ‘spreader of sunshine’ has built her brand around being a so-called normal girl, one who wants all her followers to live their best life. Irritatingly perky with her perpetual yellow knee socks, combat boots, and silly wave, she’s garnered half a million followers over the past few years.
But dun-dun-dun, to no one’s surprise, things are not all sunshine and rainbows for Riley Sunshine.
Gasp . . . what? But how could that be?
I hear you, Kitty Cats. And I understand your confusion. I too saw the pictures with the hot guy Riley’s been flaunting around. She might as well have stamped ‘new and improved’ on her forehead and added in a caption saying, ‘love is out there for us all.’
Ugh . . . excuse me while I puke into my morning Froot Loops.
Don’t think me a jealous, catty bitch, though. The issue isn’t Miss Perfect finding her Prince Charming. It’s not even how she met him.
Oh, you missed that part?
Well, listen to the audio from Riley Sunshine herself saying she met the man of her dreams on a dating app. No big deal, we’ve all done it except . . .
Did you hear the part where she says people who use dating apps are LOSERS?
Why, Miss Riley Sunshine! I’m appalled, and maybe a little impressed, at your cattiness. But we can’t all be privileged princesses who make a living with smiles and so-called ‘normal girl stuff’ like makeup videos, photo shoots, and volunteering. We have bills to pay and needs to meet—like food, rent, and dick.
So excuse me if I skip over your fake-as-fuck, toxic positivity in favor of some real life. One where I probably haven’t washed my hair this week, my lunch consisted of Cheetos straight from the bag, and my dates come via an app where we all know the drill. I’m down to Netflix ‘n Chill, and then I’ve got things to do, so GTFO.
Oh, and hey . . . your fans see who you are now too. Fake, staged, and judgmental of those less ‘sunshiny’ than you.
Meow.
They’re ugly words, both Kitty’s and my own, and I’ve had to take time to process them. While I read and watch the video again, the story’s going viral. I guess people love to see others fail, and that’s what I’ve done.
Failed at my dating attempt. Failed at my relationship with Noah. Failed at spreading sunshine. And most importantly, failed at being real, the one thing I pride myself on.
The comments are an utter massacre . . . especially on the pictures of Noah and me. Someone posts a screenshot from the argument, and then someone else adds a caption to the picture that says, Dating App LOSER. That comment alone has thousands of likes now.
ItsLuz- Preaching positivity and spreading sunshine? Oops, don’t look now, but your ugly is on display. Too late . . . we all see you.
SlothsDoItSlow- Thought you were fake. Now I know. Fake AF.
YoYoYoYourCherona- Toxic Positivity, party of one, please sit down.
ChampionJosh- I’ll stretch those lips into a real smile . . . with my dick. DM me.
I lean back, rubbing at my eyes. I’ve dropped followers in the past twenty-four hours, about twenty-five thousand or so. And while that’s a major hit for my business, it’s not what’s killing me right now.
I mostly just want to talk to Noah, but I can’t show up at his work like some stage-five clinger. River called me this morning and told me he talked to Noah last night too and recommended that I hold tight. It’d sounded impossible at the time, but then all this online drama started and it’s at least giving me something to focus on. But it’s only a matter of time before someone does enough internet sleuthing to put together Midnight Mark’s face with Noah’s name, and then it’s a short Google search to figure out that he’s one of the developers of BlindDate.
This has the potential to destroy his livelihood too.
“Take a deep breath,” I remind myself as I see another notification pop up, this one a repost of Kitty’s story. “These sorts of things happen.”
