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“I’ve been busy, ya know, working and all.” I shrug, not giving him the attention. “I have plans tonight, so I need to get home.”
“Why are you avoiding me again?” he blurts out, blocking me from my door.
“Look, Gavin,” I say with a straight face. “Hooking up at the rodeo was a bad idea. A huge mistake. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did, so let’s allow the past to be in the past.”
He squints, tilting his head as if he’s waiting for the punch line. “Well, I can’t say I’m surprised.”
Now it’s my turn to narrow my eyes at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Running away is your MO, Maize. The second things get too real, you bail. You keep people at arm’s length to avoid getting hurt again, and if you keep it up, you’ll never find love.”
I cross my arms over my chest, shaking my head in disagreement. “I’m not running or bailing. I just don’t think you and I will work.” I stand my ground, not willing to let him see this is breaking me.
He pushes off my truck and closes the gap between us, moving my chin up until I look at him. “I’m too old to play these games, Maize. You either grow up and take a real chance on us, or you don’t. I won’t chase you this time.”
“Good,” I blurt, my emotions boiling inside me. I’m seconds from telling him what I heard and have to stop myself from asking him not to go with Cooper. I won’t be that type of woman who stops him from doing something that makes him happy. I saw how his eyes lit up at the rodeo, and I’ll never take that away from him. “Being together meant nothing, Gavin. So let’s pretend it didn’t happen.”
“That’s what you really want?” His gaze burns into mine, and I swallow hard.
“Yes. Stop bothering me. It’s time you moved on.” I take a step back so I don’t do something stupid, like kiss him.
Gavin retreats, brushing his hand over his scruffy jawline. “Alright, Maize Bishop. Have it your way.” He sucks in a deep breath, then walks away.
I fight the urge to look at him over my shoulder and quickly slide behind the wheel, holding back tears. Even though this is what I told him I wanted, it nearly destroys me. But I have no right to be sad about it.
Once I get home, I take a long shower and let my thoughts wander. The only thing that’ll numb the pain is alcohol, and I plan to imbibe once I’m dressed.
“Hey,” I say, popping my head into Kenzie’s room.
“I’ve got The Longest Ride on standby.” She snickers, knowing damn well the premise revolves around a bull rider and a sappy love story.
“Hard pass.” Walking in, I hold up the bottle of whiskey I found in Dad’s liquor cabinet. “I’ve got the good stuff.”
Kenzie pats the space next to her and gives me a sympathetic expression as I sit on her bed.
“Don’t give me that look,” I scold, opening the bottle. “And we’re not watching anything from Nicholas Sparks.”
She laughs and flips through Netflix before landing on Scary Movie 4. It’s so ridiculous and stupid, and it’s just what I need.
After twenty minutes of watching Anna Faris be a doofus while passing the whiskey back and forth, I finally speak. “Gavin was waiting for me by my truck after work.”
“What’d he say?”
“He wanted to know why I was ignoring him. Instead, I told him what happened between us was a mistake and to move on.”
“Maize!” she squeals. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I’m being smart, Kenzie!” I defend.
“No, you’re pushing him away before he can do that to you.”
“Duh.” I take another long sip.
“But you’re not even giving him a chance. He could stay. You don’t even know what he’s going to do yet.”
“No, but he’s considering it, which means it’s only a matter of time before he does leave. And at that point, I could be stupidly in love with him or some shit, and it’d be a hundred times worse. It’s better that I break it off now before anything more can happen,” I tell her matter-of-factly. “I have to be the rational one. Though I don’t want to hurt him, it’s better than getting in too deep where the pain is unbearable.”
“How’d he react to that?”
“I’d say less than pleasant.”
She snorts, shaking her head as I tell her his exact words.
“You’re too jaded and really will become a nun if you keep pushing guys away. Especially one who seems to like you and obviously wants to be with you.”
“We’re clearly at two different places in our lives, so it’s for the best,” I say with certainty.
“Or…” Kenzie grabs the bottle out of my hand. “You could just communicate, tell him you overheard his conversation, and ask if he plans to go or not. That way, you aren’t making an irrational decision to end things and can choose together.”
