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Coming out on the other side of this nightmare I survived, I see how he twisted the truth and made me believe I wasn’t good enough to hold on to Jason’s love, to keep his attention when he would soon be surrounded by so many girls and then the NFL would call. I stood no chance at all. Sabrina taught me that jealousy makes women vicious. I’d be an embarrassment on his arm. My accent would be mocked. He’d eventually see what he could have would be better than what he had at home.
Cole did a number on my head, which destroyed my heart. I don’t understand why Jason is back, but I can’t deny I still have feelings for him. Does one ever get over their first love?
“God, I’m the most boring person ever, Jason. What could you possibly want to know about me?”
“Why are you still here?”
Easy. “I live on the farm.” I have nowhere else to go . . . not an easy thing to admit, not even to myself.
“No, why are you still in Solace Pointe?”
I take a sip of wine, the cool liquid counteracting the heat of the evening. I like how I feel less pressure with a little wine in me, more relaxed, or maybe it’s that Jason puts me at ease. He used to. I never had to be on guard with him.
Not like with Cole.
Cole made sure I stayed on my toes, and the few unfortunate times I forgot that lesson, I paid the price.
“It’s complicated,” I reply.
“I have the time.”
With the food forgotten, he settles in as if this story is worth his full attention. “It’s not exciting.”
“I’ve had enough excitement. Now I want to hear about you.”
I want to redirect the conversation away from me, but I have a feeling he’s much better at this game than I am. He always did make me feel important, until the end when I didn’t understand where I stood with him. “When my dad died, he left the farm and all fifty acres to my sister and me. The hard work he put into keeping the farm was what killed him. I wish I would have known that he was working so hard to get out of debt.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Your father was a good man. I know he thought hard work was the answer to everything.”
“He had to let everyone go, and after that, he struggled to keep up with the crops. We inherited that debt, and now I struggle to keep up.” Pointing across the property, I add, “We only have two working plots left. The others have gone to weeds.”
“We?”
“Shelby and I. Oh, and Billy. He helps us more than he should.”
“He’s a good guy.”
“Yeah, I’ve been trying to get my sister and him to go on a blind date.” My giggle bubbles up. Damn wine. Damn Jason for treating me like I’m still cherished.
“I don’t think that’s how blind dates work. They’ve known each other their whole lives.”
“They still see the gawky sides of each other,” I start, my excitement to hook them up taking over my voice. “They need to see each other the way they are now. It’s been a few years.”
He finishes his sandwich and leans back on one elbow, facing me. “Where is Shelby?”
“After college, she went to New York City. We thought she was starting her career, but what she ended up doing was saving the farm.”
“How so?”
“Although the debt was overdue, the bank gave us a five-year extension to pay it off. Kindness of a small-town farmer’s credit union. We have one year left. She works and pays money toward the loan.” The burden that weighs down on me returns. “I can’t bear to lose it, so I gave up leaving to stay here and work it.”
“Is it what you want?”
“I used to. It gets really lonely, though.” I laugh humorlessly and then raise an eyebrow. “That’s not a hint, by the way.”
“I didn’t catch it if it was.”
“I have a feeling you don’t miss much.” I finish my wine. “Tell me about what you’ve been doing since I last saw you.”
“Hmm . . . the last time we saw each other was when you walked into Red River holding Cutler’s hand. That was all I needed to see. I knew right then that nothing was keeping me here anymore.”
Ouch. If he only knew the truth. I missed him so much that I ached inside as I withered away. It was easier to pretend I’d never experienced pure love than to experience the burn from it. My sister was so worried about me, but I still couldn’t bring myself to confess what was happening behind closed doors. The humiliation of them finding out the strong girl they once knew was weak.
And then Jason was gone. He disappeared into thin air, like the memories I held on to. I say, “Your mom was here.”
