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“He is so fucking hot.” Nan nodded toward Grayson as Tamara joined her on the walk and they waited for Avery to reach them.
“Yeah.” Tamara sighed. “Makes it hard to give up being single.”
Nan laughed so hard tears streamed down her face. “You’re such a liar. You went after Connor for years, ignoring every other guy who looked your way.”
Tamara giggled. “Okay, you got me there. But I can still look and fantasize.”
“About what?” Avery wanted to know as she strolled up to them.
“About your husband. We were just mentioning how hot he is,” Nan teased her.
Avery’s brows dipped behind her black frames, but her lips twitched as she replied, “Keep it up and I’ll set my sights on Master Dan. I saw you leaving The Barn with him last weekend.”
Tamara shook her head, turning to enter the tea shop. “Sure you would. You wouldn’t sit for a week. Nan might enjoy that, but neither of us would risk such a punishment.”
Nan followed them inside, wishing she could agree with them. There’d been a time when she’d not only relished, but embraced a painful session over a Dom’s lap, and the lingering effects of such an intense punishment. But pining for a return of those pleasures wasn’t the only thing clouding her head right now. For the first time, she experienced a stab of irritation over her friend’s innocent remark about flirting with Dan. What the hell was up with that? Between the unexplained mistakes she’d encountered coming downstairs and now her uncharacteristic possessiveness, she would be lucky to get through the rest of the day without losing what remained of her sanity.
“So, did I miss something else this morning? Did we change our time to meet this week?” Their weekly get together at her shop was usually in the afternoon.
“No, we just didn’t call you, figuring you would be here, regardless. I have a patient coming in at one today to make up an appointment and Sydney is at an auction with Caden,” Tamara replied, choosing a table near the counter.
“And Gertie asked if I could fill in this afternoon for Barbara, who called in sick.” Avery took a seat next to Tamara, glancing up at the chalkboard menu. “That cherry blossom tea sounds good.”
“It is. Let me get it started.”
As Nan strode behind the counter, Tamara called after her, “What did you mean, something else? Are you having senior moments already?”
Nan jerked as if struck then averted her face from Tamara’s frown. “I must be,” she tossed back, injecting a lighter note in her tone than she was feeling. “I seem to be absent-minded this week. First, thinking I’d lost my purse at the library when it was there all along and then this morning, discovering I’d left one of the pots turned on.” She didn’t dare mention the plate left out upstairs, or the misplaced teas. Her nerves were strung taut enough without having her friends hovering over her with concern.
Avery smiled and waved her hand in dismissal. “That stuff can happen to anyone, at any time. You’ve been so busy since getting back, it’s a wonder that’s all you’ve forgotten.”
“Not to mention still dealing with whatever happened in New Orleans, which we’re still waiting to hear about,” Tamara reminded her as she brought the cups over along with cherry scones.
Taking a seat, Nan was grateful they were the only ones in the shop at the moment. “I know, and I also know I owe you an explanation. I’d rather wait until there’s wine and pizza though, and when Sydney can be with us so I don’t have to repeat it.”
“Okay, but let’s make it soon. The fair is coming up. The Barn will be closed that Saturday night, so maybe we can get together then.” Reaching for a scone, Tamara took a bite and moaned in pleasure. “Mmm, so good.”
Avery sent Nan a wry grin. “That’s what she said and sounded like when Master Connor bound her on the St. Andrew Cross last weekend.”
Nan laughed, recalling only too well the pleasure of being restrained on the padded wooden X, her favorite apparatus. Damn it, she vowed tomorrow night would be different, she would get the relief she needed and would not let Gerard’s torment of her interfere.
She hadn’t counted on the torment of her own mind playing tricks on her. By the time Tamara and Avery left, the afternoon regulars were starting to come in and the rest of the day passed without much of a break. Nan was grateful for her loyal customers but getting back into the swing of working was draining after the months she’d spent doing little except wallowing in self-pity and nightmares. Before heading upstairs, she double checked all the brewers, ensuring each was turned off, and then did a quick inventory scan, making a note everything was put back in its proper place.
After fixing a salad for dinner, she tallied her books, called Jay for a brief chat and took a long, hot bath. Before turning in, she flipped on one light in the living area, the panda night light in the hall bath and her closet light in the bedroom, leaving the closet door halfway ajar.
So, why, when a sound startled Nan awake several hours later, did she find herself jerking upright in pitch blackness? With her heart lodged in her throat, nausea roiling in her stomach, she blinked to make sure she was awake, and with confirmation instant terror propelled her from the bed. The door creaked, rousing her from a fitful sleep. Oh, God, he was back. The flashback initiated a wave of frantic hysteria and sent her fleeing through the dark, dashing into the living room by memory since she couldn’t see in front of her. “Have you learned your lesson, cunt? Are you ready to behave like a proper slave?” Gerard’s cold voice rang in her head and she rammed into the sofa. Crying out, she stumbled her way to the door where she struggled with the lock. By the time she wrenched it open, her shallow breathing had switched to panting sobs, one questioning plea bouncing around inside her head. Dan, where are you?
Heedless of her scanty nightwear of satin boy shorts and matching camisole top, Nan ran through the moon-lit shop and dashed out onto the walk, shaking with relief at the bright glow shining from streetlamps. Leaning against the wall, she sucked in deep breaths, pressed a hand to her pounding chest and worked to get herself under control. But nothing stemmed the flow of steady tears or slowed her racing heartbeat. Burying her head in her hands, she shuddered as she realized it wasn’t a power outage that caused her lights to go out, as her subconscious had been hoping.
Nan was so lost in her misery, she didn’t hear the footsteps approaching and jumped when the deputy lightly touched her arm.
“Nan, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?” Concern colored his tone as he looked behind her into the shop.
“Jase, I didn’t hear you. Sorry.” She’d known him since grade school and yet felt like a stranger standing there in her underwear pajamas, crying and trembling without an explanation. “I… needed some fresh air. I didn’t think anyone would be out.”
“It’s my turn at taking the night shift. A
re you sure you’re okay? You look upset. Can I help you back upstairs?”
