AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I just want you to be happy,” he admitted sweetly but it was too late. Jack picked the one topic that forced me to react in such a vicious way that I wanted to reach across the bed and rip his heart out. My defenses crawled into every crevice of my body, spreading its barbed wire protective coating all around.
“Then don’t ask me to quit again. Not even in a joking way. It tears me up inside. ” My work was the one thing I had that was all for me. It wasn’t about Jack. It wasn’t about us. It wasn’t about anyone or anything else. “Photography is my passion, Jack. It owns pieces of my soul, my guts, everything inside of me. My entire being comes alive whenever I stand behind that lens shooting, and I worked really hard to get to this point. ”
“I know you have. And I’m sorry,” he backpedaled. “I just meant that I’ll miss you. I want you with me all the time. I hate traveling, and I’ll just wish you were there. But we’ll never have that as long as you’re working. ”
I whipped my head in his direction, my gaze glaring. “I can’t not work, Jack. Don’t you get that? How can you, of all people, not get that?”
I learned a long time ago that no one was going to do things for me. If I had a dream I wanted to reach, I had to claw my way toward it and grab it on my own. I wouldn’t give up what I’d worked so hard to achieve. I wouldn’t let anyone take it from me. Jack, of all people, had to be able to relate. He worked just as hard as I did to get the things he wanted. Both of us had been let down by the few people in the world you’re supposed to trust implicitly. All the unfulfilled promises from my dad ran through my mind, but the constant disappointment I’d felt growing up paled in comparison to both of Jack’s parents choosing to leave him.
“I do get that. What the hell are you talking about?” He tugged at his hair.
“If I stopped taking pictures and stopped working, I’d be lost. I wouldn’t know who I was without it,” I admitted, the very thought causing my insides to feel pitted and empty.
“How do you think I’m going to feel when my baseball career is over?” He sat up straight and faced me.
“But you said once that you’d give it up. For me! How could you say that?” I couldn’t imagine giving up that part of myself for anyone. Not even Jack.
“Because, goddammit, it’s the truth! I’m going to be a fucking mess without this sport. I don’t know who I am without baseball, and it’s going to take me some time to figure it all out when that day comes. But I’ll be able to do it as long as I have you. ”
I shook my head, disbelief running amuck through me. “Listen to me,” he demanded. “One day baseball will end. It’s a fact. And that day is going to be one of the worst days of my life. But if I have to go through the end of my career without you?” He huffed. “Then you might as well just put me out to pasture like one of those old fucking cows. Because there is no me without you. Jack Carter does not exist as a full person without Cassie Andrews. ”
My chest heaved as I fought back the hot tears that threatened to pour from my eyes as he continued. “Without you, I’d be a shell of a man. A hollowed-out, empty, lifeless carcass. And I know that because I’ve been there. I lived through it. I lived through losing you due to my own stupidity, and I can never explain to you what that felt like. ”
I allowed my tears to fall, but I couldn’t say anything yet.
“Cass, I don’t want you to stop working. I don’t want you to give up anything for me. But I need you to know that I’ve learned from losing you. I know how bad it feels to not have you in my life, and I never want to experience that again. ”
I sucked in a breath. “I can’t imagine my life without you, Jack,” I wholeheartedly admitted. “Even when we were apart, I always hoped that we’d find our way back to each other. But I don’t like feeling pressured to choose between you or my job. It’s not fair, and it’s a decision I don’t want to have to make. ”
“Because I won’t win?” he asked, his voice soft but firm.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “But I can’t believe we’re fighting already. ”
“We’re not fighting. We’re just figuring things out. ”
“No. I’m pretty sure we’re fighting. ”
I Won’t Let Anything Happen to Her
Jack
I knew what Kitten meant last night, even if she didn’t. She felt like choosing between her job or her heart was like being asked to literally choose me over herself. I wanted to blame her, but I couldn’t. She didn’t know what it was like. Not really. To live without the one person you knew you were meant for. I’d experienced the pain of being forced to live without her while I had achieved my biggest dream.
It wasn’t enough.
Having baseball but no Cassie didn’t make me happy. I was pretty sure it was the same for her with photography and no me; she simply hadn’t realized it yet. She hadn’t really been forced to. At least not from the perspective I had been. I fucked up. I lost her. It’s different when you’re the one who made the mistakes.
I tried not to wake Cassie as I dialed the office where Matteo worked. I purposely woke up before her alarm was set to go off to handle this.
“Good morning, Mr. Lombardi. It’s Jack Carter. ”
“Good morning, Mr. Carter. Is everything working out with Matteo?” His accent echoed through the phone.
“That’s what I’m calling about actually. ” I attempted to explain before he interjected.
“If Matteo’s not working out, we have plenty of other drivers. ”
I released an irritated breath. “No, Mr. Lombardi, Matteo’s fine. I wanted to see about booking him longer on the days I have home games. ”
