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“That’s a good question. You should ask her,” I said. “Time to grow a pair, little brother. How are you going to feel if she starts dating someone else?”
I watched his knuckles turn white as his grip on the steering wheel tightened. “I’m not going to be happy. ”
“Exactly. ”
Dean pulled into the hotel parking lot, and I hopped out of the car, half praying that my teammates would be in their rooms instead of the hotel bar. I walked around to the driver’s side and extended my hand toward my brother, before he grabbed it and pulled me in for an awkward through-the-window hug. I pulled back, and we slapped each other on the shoulders before sharing a long look. I broke eye contact and turned to leave.
“It will all work out. You’ll get her back,” Dean predicted with naive confidence.
I breathed deeply before saying, “I fucking better, or I don’t know what I’ll do. ”
“I’ll help you. ” Dean grinned up at me with a smile that looked eerily like my own.
I nodded and admitted, “I’ll need it. ” Giving him one last pat, I said, “I’ll call you later. ”
“Alright. Take care. ”
I watched as he drove off, his hand sticking out of the window in a good-bye wave. I raised my arm, waving back before he was out of view.
With a deep sigh, I headed indoors. All hopes for a quiet entrance were dashed as the sound of my last name filtered through the hotel bar and into the lobby.
“Carter! Carterrrrr! Get in here!”
I glanced to my right, noticing a few of my teammates getting comfortable with a group of good-looking women. I shook my head before walking over, making no attempt to hide the disapproval on my face.
“Where’d you run off to tonight, kid?” my teammate Costas asked, his head peering around the scantily clad woman currently sitting on his lap. I thought about his wife, staying home with their kids while he traveled with the team, and forced my judgment into quiet submission.
“I had some personal shit to take care of. ”
“Have a drink with us,” he said and gestured for the blonde bartender. She finished drying the glass in her hands before setting it down and heading our way.
“Not tonight. ” I shook my head.
“More drinks for us, then. ” Costas winked, and my stomach turned. I wanted to lose my shit on him, just grab him by his smug face and ask if he realized what he was doing, what he was risking. How just one girl… one meaningless night… could cause his world to crumble around him. But I couldn’t get pissed at Costas for my mistakes, my loss.
“See you in the morning. ” I turned away from the bar, their comments following behind me.
“Poor rookie, did you see his face?”
“Welcome to the big leagues, kid… women in every state. No offense, sweetheart. ”
Idiots.
They’d misread the disgust on my face as shock. Maybe if they were ever forced to lose the one person who meant everything to them, they’d understand what my face was truly saying.
I made my way into my hotel room and collapsed onto the bed. With my cell phone in hand, I stared at the screen for what seemed like hours, resisting the urge to dial Cassie’s number, or send her a text message. I realized it wasn’t going to be easy to stay away from her when everything in my body wanted her back.
Suddenly, I shot up from my bed and made my way toward the desk in my room. Using the hotel’s complimentary stationery and pen, I did something I couldn’t remember ever doing in my life.
I wrote her a letter.
Kitten,
I’ve realized that the only way I’ll be able to stop myself from calling you, or texting you, or e-mailing you, or sending a carrier pigeon to your fucking window, is to write to you. Which sort of makes me feel like a pussy, honestly. But if I don’t do this, I’m afraid I’ll ruin it all before I even get the chance to fix it.
You’re probably wondering what happened tonight. I know you didn’t expect to see me, and I don’t even know how you’re feeling about the whole thing, but I hope it’s the same way I feel. I never stopped loving you. I know I may have a funny way of showing it, but I’ll make it up to you. You’ll see.
I’m dying to get on the next flight to New York and win you back. But I can’t do that until I’m free and clear from all my past attachments. I’m just trying to do the right thing by you. I realize that my idea of the right thing isn’t always everyone else’s, but I hope in this case you’ll agree with me.
