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I didn’t want to believe the things Jack was saying. He loved Cassie more than he’d ever loved anyone, and somewhere deep inside I waited for him to yell April Fool into the phone, even though April had been months ago.
“The team went out to celebrate, and I got drunk. Really fucking drunk. And this chick was relentless. I told her no a million times, but then I said yes once.”
Oh Jesus. I could just picture the scene in my head—Jack out celebrating with his team after his big win, a groupie coming on to him, not leaving him alone. I’d seen it before.
But Jack had never had anything to lose before. And I honestly hadn’t seen him allow that kind of thing around him since he’d started dating Cassie. To say I was surprised would be an understatement.
“Damn, Jack.” I ran my hand through my hair, hating that he had done this. To himself, to Cassie, to me. I didn’t want them to break up, and I didn’t want to lose Cassie as a friend. “How could you do this?”
“I don’t know, I don’t know. I didn’t want to. Fuck, I was beyond loaded last night. I don’t think I’ve ever been so drunk before. I know it’s no excuse, but I’ll never drink again,” he said, his voice anguished. “I swear it. I’ll never touch another drop of alcohol. I’ll never talk to another groupie.”
Jack was bargaining—with God, with me, with whomever he hoped was listening. I’d never seen this side of my brother before, and it scared me.
I sat alone in my dark room, worried sick about all Jack could lose. The rational part of me knew the right thing to do was to tell Cassie, that she deserved to know, but the rest of me didn’t want her to know. What purpose would it serve?
Was it worth the pain Cassie would go through if Jack was truly sorry? He’d never do it again; I was certain of that. Although, I would have bet money that he would have never done it in the first place.
“Are you going to tell Cassie?” I tossed the million-dollar question out there and waited for his response.
I thought I heard him sniff across the line and tried to imagine him crying, something I’d rarely ever seen in our entire lives.
“I don’t know,” he said in a low voice. “I called her this morning right when I woke up, and I wanted to tell her. I wanted to be honest with her, you know, do the right thing? But the second I heard her voice, I panicked. I couldn’t do it. I’m so sorry, sorry for screwing up, but I don’t want to lose her over this. I can’t lose her.”
He breathed deeply, and I could hear him pacing again. “I fucked up, Dean, I made a mistake. But I’ll never fucking make it again. Ever. I swear. But if I tell her, she won’t stay. She’ll leave me. I know I deserve it, but it’ll destroy me.”
Jack was right. There was no way that if he confessed this sin to Cassie that she would forgive him and stick around.
He sighed, and the line was quiet for a moment before he asked, “What do you think?”
“I don’t know. I’m really fucking pissed at you right now,” I admitted. “But I don’t know what the right thing to do is. If you tell Cassie, you’re only going to hurt her and ruin the best relationship you’ve ever had. But if you don’t, can you live with the lie? Or will it eat you up inside every time you look at her?”
“I don’t know. I feel like the guilt from lying to her is my own fault. I’d suffer willingly if it meant she didn’t have to know, and we could still be together. That girl is my world.” He had whispered the last part, and I wondered if he was even talking to me anymore.
“You knew better,” I told him. “I can’t believe that you didn’t know better.”
My heart hurt for my brother, but at the same time I wanted to beat the shit out of him. For hurting Cassie, for risking his future. For letting me down.
I wanted to understand, tried to comprehend how he could let this happen. How his teammates could let this happen. Why didn’t anyone try to stop him?
Jack’s voice turned pleading as he said, “I made a mistake, just a stupid fucking mistake. Shit, I have to figure out what I’m going to do. Dean, you can’t say anything to her, okay? You can’t tell her, and you can’t tell Melissa either. Promise me you won’t say anything to anyone. You’re my brother, and I don’t have anyone else in the world that I trust the way I trust you.”
“This is really messed up, Jack. I’m going to see her at school once it starts, and I’ll have to lie to her. You know I’m a shitty liar.”
It made me sick to know this horrible secret and have to keep it inside. Without a doubt, it would eat at me. My mind spun as I tried to calculate how long I could avoid Cassie without her wondering what was up. Probably not for very long.
“I’m really sorry for putting you in that position, little brother, but please. You can’t tell her. Please just do this for me right now. Until I figure out what I’m going to do. Okay?”
I squeezed my eyes closed before rubbing my hand across my face. “You’re my brother, Jack. I’m loyal to you, and I’d never betray you. But this really sucks.”
“I know. I’m really sorry. Fuck.”
“Just try and focus on why you’re there, okay? Don’t let this affect your pitching.” Before he could argue with me, I said, “I know, I know. Easier said than done.”
“No. It’s good. I can take all my aggression out on the batter. Anger is a good motivator.”
“Yeah, but heartbreak usually isn’t.”
Maybe Jack had the right idea before he’d met Cassie. Matters of the heart could be distracting, and avoiding relationships saved a lot of time and aggravation. Not to mention pain and heartbreak.
