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“I’m sorry.” I sat down on the couch and patted the space next to me. “Now that we’re finally here, I don’t even know where to begin or what to say.”
Taking in a deep breath, he gazed at me with concern. “Take your time.” He reached for one of my hands and held it in his, his thumb tracing small circles.
Giving his hand a quick squeeze, I met his eyes. “When you didn’t show up at the restaurant that night, I fell apart. I’ve never been so scared in my life. I felt completely helpless and out of control, and it was one of the worst feelings in the world.”
Dalton closed his eyes for a second before reopening them. He opened his mouth to speak, but I pressed one finger to his lips to quiet him.
“I’m not trying to make you feel bad,” I told him. “I just want you to know why I reacted the way I did. The panic attack made me feel like I couldn’t control my mind in times of stress or uncertainty, and I immediately associated you with that. I convinced myself that being with you meant constant chaos, or constant unknowns. I know it wasn’t necessarily logical, but I couldn’t talk myself out of feeling that way.”
He squeezed my hand back. “Babe, I know exactly what I did to you. I understand it completely, and I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
I tilted my head at him and mouthed thank you. Dalton had been nothing but understanding and patient since he burst back into my life.
“I was overwhelmed with everything I was feeling. When you showed up that night, very much alive, I felt like my brain short-circuited with a billion different emotions going all at once.”
The buzzer sounded in the kitchen, and I jumped to my feet. “Let me switch the cookies. Hold on.”
I hurried into the kitchen and pulled out the first batch, then scooped out the dough and placed it on another baking tray. After shoving it into the oven and setting the timer for ten minutes, I headed back to my seat next to Dalton.
When his lower lip jutted out in a pout, I knew what he wanted without even asking. “They’re too hot. You have to wait about five minutes.”
“Fine.” He crossed his arms, and I rolled my eyes.
“Okay, where was I?”
“Short-circuiting,” he said, and I sucked in an audible breath.
“Right. I pushed you away because I thought I had to. I was so scared. I mean, I’m still scared. I’m worried and I probably always will be, but I want to work through that with you. At least, I want to try,” I said, feeling like I was babbling and not making any sense at all.
Dalton nodded. “That’s all I want too. I want to be here for you always. And to be honest, I didn’t even think about how my job would affect you negatively. I was so caught up in how it was you who made me want to do this in the first place, you know? That had always been my focus, not any of the scary parts, which is so stupid of me. Of course you’d be scared.”
I reached for his hand and laced my fingers between his. “It’s not stupid. I didn’t even realize how much it affected me until you didn’t show up, and I immediately assumed you were dead or hurt. So I can’t promise that I’ll always be okay, and I know it won’t be easy. I clearly have a lot of fears to work through that I never even knew I had. But I don’t want to be without you. I’ve done it for the last ten years, and I don’t want to have to do it anymore.”
“I don’t ever want to live without you, Cammie. And I promise you, I’ll do everything in my power to always stay safe and out of harm’s way. My worst fear is hurting you again.”
Sighing, I said, “I know you can’t promise me that you’ll always be safe. You can’t promise that. And don’t, because I’ll be so mad at you if you break it. But I just need to know that you’ll try.”
Dalton pulled his hand from mine and grasped my shoulders, turning me to face him directly. “I will always do my best to come home to you. I know that nothing in life is a guarantee. You can’t promise me that you won’t get in your car later and not get into a car accident.”
He stopped talking, frowned, and then started again. “God, that’s a horrible fucking example, and I’m really sorry. Please don’t get into a car accident. But you know what I mean. There are some things we can’t control. I can’t lie to you and tell you my job isn’t dangerous at times. It is. But that’s part of why I love it so much. I know that I’m making a difference, making the world a better place. It gives me purpose, but so do you. And I never want to do anything that hurts you, Cammie. Ever.”
I looked into his green eyes, amazed at how much this man loved me. “You really are incredible. I mean, I always thought so, but you’re even more wonderful than you were. You’re so much more,” I said as I thought back to the boy I used to love. He had grown into an awe-inspiring man.
“I love you, Cammie. I never stopped. Not for a single day since we’ve been apart. Sure, it’s ebbed and flowed, I’m not going to lie about that, but it’s never disappeared completely. Not once. And I always knew it.” He brought my hand up to his face and kissed my knuckles, sending the warmth of his affection shooting through me, and I smiled.
“You’ve always been a part of me, Dalton. When you didn’t show up that night, I realized that I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. I had just found you again . . . just gotten
you back. And I knew in that moment that I had never really stopped loving you.”
“Say it,” he demanded as he lifted my hand, turning it palm up. He dropped a kiss into my hand, then pressed kisses up my arm.
“Say what?”
“Tell me you still love me.” When I bit my bottom lip, bringing it between my teeth, he growled my name.
“I still love you,” I said, unable to fight the smile that played on my lips.
“Then dance with me.” He pulled me from the couch and onto my feet as he plucked his cell phone from his pocket and fiddled with it. Music played through the tiny speaker as he placed it on top of the coffee table.
