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“What the hell are you saying? That you couldn’t stay faithful if I wasn’t here? Bullshit. That’s bullshit, Nick, and you know it,” she yelled.
I was so fucking relieved that she hadn’t believed my crap, but I needed her to. I needed her to think I was weak.
“I honestly don’t think I could,” I said, doing my best to meet her eyes. Lies. More lies.
“You’re a coward.”
She was right. I was a coward.
I couldn’t stand up to my dad. I couldn’t fight for my future, or for the one person in the world who I wanted by my side. Even though I wanted to hold on tighter, to make her all kinds of promises about how I’d wait for her and stay faithful while she was away, I released her instead. I let her go, breaking my own heart in the process. I might not be able to be strong for myself, but for Jess, I’d do anything.
“I should probably go.” I pushed up from the chair quickly, almost knocking it to the floor.
I needed to get the fuck out of that apartment before the walls closed in on me. I could barely breathe as it was with Jess leaving and taking my heart with her.
The worst part was she’d never even know she had it. She’d leave thinking I didn’t want her anymore. She’d leave thinking I was perfectly intact, when the truth was I would never be whole again.
The End
Jess
The door shut softly behind Nick as he left, and I let the tears fall.
I didn’t understand at all how he could walk away from me like that, walk away from us. Stupidly, I had assumed he would at least want to try to stay together. The situation wasn’t ideal, but it never occurred to me that he might freak out about staying faithful. In my heart, I knew he was lying, but I didn’t know why.
How could I have been so wrong about everything?
“Did I hear Nick leave?”
Rachel’s door opened, and she and Trevor peered out from behind it. I shook my head at them, sobbing, unable to say anything.
“Jess, what happened?”
“Are you okay?” Trevor asked, his concern genuine.
Pulling myself together, I choked out, “H-he broke up with me.”
“No way.” Trevor straightened up as if my words were hard to believe. “That’s not possible.”
“Obviously, it is possible.” I hiccupped as I waved a hand at my face, which had to look like complete hell.
“What’d he say?” Rachel asked as she rubbed my back.
I plopped to the floor, burying my head in my hands. God, my heart hurt. Every breath hurt. My mind raced while I wished this was just a bad dream I’d wake up from.
“He said he couldn’t do the long-distance thing, and he wouldn’t even try.” I looked up at my roommate and best friend. “I feel so stupid. I thought he loved me.”
“He does love you. I don’t believe for one second that he doesn’t,” Rachel said softly, trying to reassure me.
“He absolutely loves you, Jess. I can promise you that,” Trevor added.
Their assurances should have made me feel marginally better, but they didn’t. Nothing did. Nick had called it off, walked away, and taken my heart with him.
How would I ever get over him?
The only thing that saved my mental health was the fact that I was moving soon and had a ton of things to do. I still needed to choose my classes at a brand-new school, and I had to find a place to live next semester ASAP.
For my own self-preservation, I buried myself in my upcoming relocation and did my best not to think about Nick. It wasn’t easy. But as each day faded into night and I hadn’t called or texted him, I gave myself a mental pat on the back for being strong enough to walk away, when all I wanted to do was call him and beg for answers.
