AllFreeNovel
Share Us
It hurt me to hear him pleading with me in this way, regardless of whether he deserved my pity. My heartbeat quickened with his words, taking pleasure in the fact that he wanted to talk to me, wanted to explain things.
God, this entire time I’d thought he hadn’t tried to get in touch with me at all. I’d been so angry that he could walk away from me and treat me with such blatant disrespect and disregard.
But I’d been wrong. He’d been trying to reach out the whole time.
“So he has been texting you,” Britney said, her words mirroring my thoughts.
“Guess so.” I wished I had the ability to pull those texts
from the void and bring them back to me. I really wanted to know what they said.
“Play the next one. I’m dying to hear the rest,” she insisted.
“I don’t know how else to reach you. I don’t know what else to do.”
That one was short, almost abrupt in its desperation, then the next message played.
“Claudia, I know that you must be hurting and angry, and you’re probably disgusted with me. I deserve all of that, but I never meant to hurt you. If you don’t believe anything else I say, please believe that.”
Pressing Save again, I held my breath as I waited for the next one to begin.
“It’s stupid, but I miss you.” His tone was so sincere that my eyes immediately filled with tears. I believed him.
“I miss the way your accent would come out whenever you got all riled up or excited about something. I miss our conversations and the way just being with you made me feel more alive than I’ve felt in years.” I could hear the smile in his voice, and felt myself smiling along with him. I missed him too.
“I know I shouldn’t be telling you any of this, but if you’re not going to call me back, then I need to tell you these things here, on your voice mail, because they need to be said and you need to hear them. I know you hate cheating and cheaters, and you probably think I’m no better than your dad.” Frank sucked in a breath as if saying the words caused him physical pain, and I felt my heart catch.
“And maybe I’m not, but I’d like to think that I am. I’d like to think that if you knew everything about my situation, you might not hate me as much as you do right now. Maybe you’d . . .” He paused for three heartbeats before ending the message with, “Maybe you’d understand and actually be able to forgive me.”
He sounded so choked up at the end, it almost broke me to hear him lose it.
Forgive him? How could I ever forgive him?
“Please tell me you’re dying to know everything,” Britney asked between the brief lull in messages. “Because I sure am. This is like a soap opera, and I’m completely invested.”
“This is my life, Britney,” I snapped, and her expression fell. “Sorry. I’m just not enjoying this as much as you are.”
She gave me a quick one-armed hug. “I’m not enjoying this. I just really want to know the whole story. My curiosity is killing me. Play the next one.”
Without a word, I saved the last message and played the next.
“It’s been six days. It should be getting easier by now, right? But it’s not. I can’t get you out of my head. I can’t stop thinking about you. I should have told you about Shelby, but I didn’t know how.” Shelby. My insides clenched as he gave me a name to go with his girlfriend’s face.
“I know that’s not an excuse. I’m starting to understand that maybe I’ve messed things up so badly that they can’t be fixed. I really am sorry. I know I keep saying it, but there’s no other word. If there was, I’d overuse it too.”
I found myself laughing a little at that, even though his tone was filled with anything but laughter. Pressing Save, I waited for the next message to play, and frantically looked around for a clock when it said the date and time that this last message had been left.
“He just left this,” Britney said, checking the time for me on her own phone. “About ten minutes ago.”
It was one thing listening to the messages knowing that they had been left days ago. But waiting for this last one to start, realizing that he had just left it only ten short minutes earlier, caused my heart to punch against my chest like a defiant beast wanting out of its cage. If Britney had told me that she could see it beating through my clothes, I would have believed her.
“Claudia.” He sounded so defeated, my pounding heart ached with each beat. “I have no idea how many messages I’ve left you, or how many texts I’ve sent. But since you aren’t responding to me, you’ve left me no choice. I won’t go another day without explaining myself to you. I wanted to do this in person. I wanted to look you in the eyes and tell you everything. But I guess I’m doing it in a voice mail instead.” He huffed out something between an uncomfortable breath and a small laugh before continuing as my chest tightened.
“I’ve been with Shelby for years. Too many, if you want to know the truth. I haven’t been happy in a really long time, and meeting you only magnified my situation a thousand times over. I’ve wanted to end things for so long, but . . . I’ve been a coward.” A bitter laugh escaped him as his tone changed. It sounded like he was realizing something for the first time as he began speaking again.
“Yeah, I’ve been scared. That’s the only real excuse I have. I guess the truth of the matter is that I haven’t been strong enough to leave her, even though I know that I should. You see, I made her dad a promise. I promised him I’d always take care of his daughter. And when he died, I didn’t know how to take it back without feeling like it was a betrayal of some sort. I had no idea when I made that promise that I’d eventually stop wanting to be with her, that I’d fall out of love. I sure as hell never knew I’d meet someone like you. I know I’ve let you down. I know you’re probably disappointed in me. Trust me, I feel the same way about myself, so I get it. I know I have a lot of changes I need to make in my life. I know that every day that passes is another day I’ve wasted. And I know that I hate myself for what I’ve done to you. I really am sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for lying. Maybe someday you’ll forgive me? Maybe one day you’ll give me another chance to make things right. I know I don’t deserve it, but maybe one day you’ll change your mind.”
When the messages ended, I found myself at a loss for words, trying to process all the things that Frank had said. Never in my life had a man said the things that Frank had just said to me, and part of me was filled with joy at the way he claimed to want me. The rest of me couldn’t imagine the guilt he must have felt after making a promise like that. My heart actually hurt for him and for Shelby both.
