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I swallowed quickly, hoping I wouldn’t choke. “I’m afraid to feel more for someone when I shouldn’t be feeling anything at all.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I mean, what’s your biggest fear? What are you the most afraid of?”
Britney, the brat, was trying to get me to admit more that I wanted to. She wanted me to dig out the things I longed to shove deep inside and pretend weren’t a part of me.
“Just tell me,” she said with an exasperated huff. “You know I won’t judge you.”
It wasn’t her judging me that I was worried about. I was my own worst judge and jury.
Staring at my yogurt, I focused on my spoon circling in the creaminess rather than meet her eyes. “I’m afraid I won’t care that he has a girlfriend. That I’ll give in and take him any way I can have him, in bits and pieces, if that’s all he could give me, because I like the way I feel when we’re together. Because I feel so much when I’m around him. He makes me so happy. Or, at least, he did when I thought he was single.”
God, I hated what a weak person I was being right now. I wanted to throw up as the words left my lips. As always, I wanted to do the right thing, but for once in my life, I wasn’t entirely sure what that was. Of course, the right thing would be to let Frank go, but my heart ached at the idea in a way I’d never experienced before.
Stupid hearts are fickle creatures, demanding to be heard. They crush you with pain one minute before completely shutting off and feeling absolutely nothing the next.
Which was exactly why I had to keep my distance from Frank until I was strong enough to refuse to settle for scraps. Not to mention the fact that I didn’t like how this entire situation was bringing out sides of my character that I didn’t particularly like. I’d never considered myself this weak woman, or the type who would settle for anything in life, especially not in matters of the heart.
I was better than that.
Stronger than that.
And I deserved more than that.
“I just need more time,” I said to Britney, who had been uncharacteristically quiet.
“For what?”
“To figure out what exactly I want to do and say. I need to have a plan when it comes to Frank, and I can’t waver from it. Not even for a second when he looks at me with those stupid green eyes.”
“But you will talk to him?” she asked with a hopeful lilt in her voice.
I nodded. “I will.”
“Promise?”
“I promise,” I said, not knowing exactly when I’d do it.
The betrayal was still too fresh, and the connection between Frank and me only existed to the point that it still affected me, obviously. I needed time and space to allow both those things to simmer, but at some point, I’d need closure for my heart to heal. I just wasn’t entirely sure when that would be.
And maybe by the time I was ready to face him, I wouldn’t feel the need to anymore.
Teamwork
Frank
Nick locked the door when the last of our customers left, and Ryan put his shirt back on without even being asked. Apparently, there was a first time for everything.
“I know you don’t want to talk about this because you’re all broody and Frank-like,” Nick said, scowling as he waved a hand in my direction. “But I want to hear your Claudia plan.”
“Cloud-ee-ah,” I said, and he repeated her name properly, but in a mocking tone. “And I don’t want to talk about it. Not yet.”
“Why not?” Ryan and Nick asked in unison, and instead of getting annoyed, I tried to understand. It took almost all my patience.
“Can I keep this to myself for now, and if I need your help—which I very well might—I’ll let you guys know?” It was my version of a compromise. I might need them on board if I ended up not being able to track Claudia down, or figure out a way to get to her, which I was struggling with, to be honest.
Ryan and Nick glanced at each other in silent communication before giving me begrudging nods.
“I’m just throwing this out there,” Ryan said as he rotated the bottles on the shelf, ensuring the labels faced outward and were aligned. “But Britney gave me her number, and I’m pretty sure I could find it if you hit a dead end.”
