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“I like to slum it sometimes.” He finished his beer before tapping his glass on the bar top, signaling he wanted another.
As I reached for his empty glass, my eyes met hers and she gave me an uneasy smile.
“Hi, Ryan.”
Pursing my lips, I nodded, my eyes asking the questions my mouth refused to voice.
Why are you here? What do you want?
Once I’d slid Grant’s newly filled glass toward him, Sofia looked around before asking, “Can we go somewhere private and talk?”
I scanned the crowded bar, thinking it wasn’t the best time to take a break, but Frank stepped over and spoke close to my ear.
“I’ll cover you. Go talk in the office.”
Thumbing toward the dark door behind me, I turned and made my way there without seeing if Sofia was following or not. When I got to the door, I looked back to see she was behind me, then pulled the door open and held it wide for her. I followed her inside, moving to sit in Frank’s desk chair.
I motioned for her to sit across from me in the only other empty chair, and she hesitated for a few seconds before sitting down. It felt so formal, my staring at her with a desk between us like she was about to be interviewed. In a way, she sort of was, considering that I had a few questions.
“Ryan, I’m sorry.” She clasped her hands together and stared down at them before meeting my eyes again. “I’m sorry for how I acted and how I treated you. I think I might have been wrong about you, and it wasn’t fair or right of me to judge you.”
She thinks she might have been wrong about me? What kind of lame apology was that?
I almost fucking laughed, but I stopped myself the second I looked into her eyes. She sat there, so open, so vulnerable, and the last thing I wanted was to make her defensive and regret walking in here tonight.
Still hurt, I said, “I know that it can’t be easy for you being a single mom, but why did you think—”
“I know I judged you without knowing you, which is wrong. And I made assumptions based on your job and what I’d seen of you here. I did exactly to you what I hate being done to me.”
Confused, I sat back in my chair, studying her. “What do you mean?”
Sofia sat up a little straighter, as if she was steeling herself. “I’ve always felt like strangers were making assumptions about me because of my situation. When I was pregnant, people checked my hand for a ring. They did the same thing when I had an infant in my arms. I was always being judged unfairly, or at least it seemed like it. And I did the same thing to you.”
“What kind of guy do you think I am? Why do you think I’d be so bad for you?” I asked with a grimace. “For your son?”
“You seem like such a playboy. A lot of women give you attention, and it looked like you enjoyed it. I don’t want a guy who needs attention from other women. I would hate having that kind of life. And I don’t want a role model like that for Matson.”
Before asking Claudia and Jess for their opinion on Sofia, I would have never guessed how my life might look to others from the outside looking in. I knew the kind of man I was, the kind of man I wanted to be, but it wasn’t fair of me to assume that anyone else could see that just from looking. I always put on quite a show at work.
“I’m a one-woman kind of guy, Sofia. I’m not a playboy. I might have gone through a phase at one point, but it didn’t last long. It wasn’t me. I want to settle down. I want a family. I want to find the kind of love my brothers have.”
Her mouth formed a crooked smile before it faded. “I would have never guessed any of that by looking at you. Or by watching you at work.”
“Obviously.” I realized that I sounded like a bit of a dick, so I took my tone down a notch. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” She unclasped her hands and started playing with a pen.
“What are you so afraid of?”
The cap of the pen flew onto the floor and she bent over to pick it up. “I feel like I’m afraid of everything right now. Of falling in love. Of never falling in love. I haven’t had a relationship since I had Matson, really. At least, nothing that ever turned even remotely serious. I’m scared of giving you my heart and having you completely obliterate it. Because I think you could do that, Ryan. I think if anyone could destroy me, it would be you.”
A harsh cough bubbled up from my throat, and I pounded my chest. I hadn’t expected that answer. “It works both ways, you know. You could completely obliterate me.”
“Could I?” She sounded unconvinced.
“Sofia, I’m sensitive. If I haven’t made that clear by now, let me tell you again. I’ve got a soft heart. I’m a hopeless romantic. I want all that fairy-tale bullshit that they peddle to girls. I want it.” I pointed at myself. “Me.”
“I don’t trust easily.” An uncomfortable laugh escaped from her beautiful lips. “Obviously. It’s always just been Matson and me for the last eight years. And my parents, of course. But I have a really hard time letting anyone in. I don’t know how.”
