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I reached in, pulling out the phone and flipping it over. After my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I noticed that it wasn’t Ava at all.
It was my God damn mother.
I squeezed my jaw tight, throwing the phone as hard as I could. “Fuck!”
It smashed against the ground, splitting into pieces.
Without wasting another second, I gunned the throttle, leaving a trail of dust and gravel behind me. I shifted, faster and faster, accelerating quicker than I had yet. Before long, the speedometer reached one hundred miles an hour. I cranked the throttle again, shifting it into the highest gear. One hundred five, one hundred ten, the speed came faster and faster with each second.
And then, with one last crank on the gas, the bike exceeded one hundred twenty miles an hour. With nothing between me and the road to Mount Baldy, I turned off the headlights and lowered my head, screaming at the top of my lungs. At last free, alone with the speed that fueled me, I ripped across the open road in the darkness and into the unknown.
It was the last thing I remembered.
AVA
I’d returned home, determined to put Dyson out of my mind for good.
I still had the issue of telling Simon about his school, and I owed it to him not to put it off any longer. And so, when he arrived home that afternoon, I greeted him at the front door. After getting an update on how his day went, I decided to just get it over with as soon as possible.
“Simon, honey,” I began, grabbing a couple of glasses from the cupboard in the kitchen. “Would you like a snack?”
I turned just in time to see him plop down on the sofa and pick up his tablet. “No, thank you.”
“All right, what would you like to drink?” I asked.
“Um, some orange juice please.”
After getting it out of the refrigerator, I filled his glass. Once I did, I looked at my empty one for a moment, feeling like I needed something else besides juice to settle me down.
Vodka.
Reaching into the freezer, I pulled out the seldom used bottle and cracked it open. Not the best parenting strategy, I knew, but life wasn’t perfect and neither was I. After a healthy three second pour, I filled the remainder of the glass with orange juice and put everything away.
Exiting the kitchen, I took a quick sip of my drink and winced.
That would do.
“Here you are, sweetheart,” I said, extending the glass of orange juice to Simon. “How was school today?”
He took the glass from me and immediately took a drink of the juice. After he finished, he placed it down on the table in front of him. “Okay.”
“Good, that’s good,” I muttered, taking another gulp of the liquor-infused drink in my hand. It burned my throat as it slid down. I needed it to warm the rest of me.
Come on, kick in already…
I walked around the table and sat on the couch, opposite from his position. Engrossed in his game, Simon didn’t look up. I exhaled, chewing my lip while I tried to figure out the best way to begin. With each second that passed, sitting there in silence wasn’t doing me any good. I took another healthy gulp and shook my head, placing my drink down on the table.
“Simon, honey,” I began, turning towards him. “There’s something very important you and I need to talk about.”
Distracted by his game, Simon listened to me with halfhearted interest.
“Uh huh,” he muttered.
I smiled, stretching my body across the couch and reaching towards him. A split second later I took the tablet from his hand and turned it off, placing it on the table in front of me.
With his full attention now focused on me, I proceeded to tell him everything. I explained all of the steps I’d been through to try and keep him enrolled at his school because I knew how much he loved it. I watched his face as his expression changed from confusion, to sadness, to acceptance.
When I finished telling him everything that I thought mattered, I reached in his direction and motioned for him to hold my hands.
“This is only temporary, okay?” I began, looking him in the eye for emphasis. “I haven’t given up, but that’s just the way things are right now. So, as it stands today, you will be in public school in the fall.”
Simon’s small fingers wrapped around mine. He looked up at me.
“It’s okay, Aunt Ava. You don’t have to explain. I know that you’ve done everything you can.”
I squeezed his tiny fingers. It was the only thing keeping me from breaking down. How he came to be so mature and wise at such a young age, I’d never understand. I didn’t know what to say——there were no words. Instead, I tightened my grip on his hands and tugged him to me.
Within seconds, we embraced.
Brushing his hair aside, I kissed him on the cheek, apologizing and promising him I’d never give up. Eventually, I released him and leaned back into the couch. He looked up at me, mild-mannered and seemingly unaffected.
Meanwhile, my insides churned with a mixture of guilt and self-loathing. Not wanting to subject him to any of what was fast becoming a drunken pity party, I reached for his tablet and passed it to him.
“Why don’t you go to your room, Simon?” I began, extending it in his direction. “I’ll come and get you when dinner is ready.”
He took it from me, smiling and looking into my eyes. “I love you, Aunt Ava.”
I smiled back at him. “I love you too, Simon. More than anything. Now go ahead, go to your room.”
Just as he walked down the hall and disappeared into his bedroom, the front door to the apartment opened, and Jillian entered.
“Hey,” she said, closing the door behind her. “What’s going on?”
She dropped her purse on the kitchen counter, never taking her eyes off of me. While she stared in my direction, I felt my face melt with sadness. With a couple of shots of vodka on my brain, I reached up and covered my eyes, convulsing while the tears began to flow.
“Oh no, Ava, what’s wrong?”
Without looking up, I heard Jillian walking towards me. Within a few seconds she just sat down next to me on the couch and pulled me close to her, putting me in a forceful embrace.
I wept, without bothering to say a word. Jillian began to rock back and forth, holding me against her while she did.
“What is it?” she whispered. “Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.”
Eventually I recovered enough to tell her about Simon’s school. I told her about the team letting me go. She did her best to console me, telling me I’d done all I could to hold back the inevitable for so long.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that by yourself,” she said, leaning away from me. “You should’ve told me. I could’ve been here for you, you know, to help.”
I rubbed my eyes with the base of my palms.
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I groaned, sinking back into the sofa cushion. “It’s hopeless.”
“No, nothing is hopeless, Ava.” she replied, “It just seems like it right now. You’ve been through so much worse than this in life. You’ll get through this also.”
For a few moments at least, the tears stopped flowing. I looked up at her.
“I don’t know what I would do without you.”
She smiled back at me. “Remember that one day when you’re a rich doctor, would you?”
I chuckled at her, closing my eyes and leaning my head into the couch cushion.
“What happened with Dyson?” she asked.
Without thinking, I lurched forward, reaching for the half empty glass of orange juice and vodka. Jillian followed my movement with her eyes. I grabbed it, lifting it to my lips and taking a healthy sip. The liquor still stung my throat, and after my first swallow I coughed, covering my mouth.
She leaned away from me, eyeballing me with suspicion. “What’s in there? Are you drunk? How did I not smell that on you before and… Ohhh, vodka?”
Swaying, I snapped my head in her direction. “What? What are you talking about?”
Jillian motioned with her fingers. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Give that to me.”
I exhaled, closed my eyes and passed the glass to my roommate with reluctance. She took it from me and stuck her nose inside to confirm her suspicion.
“Ava! What are you doing! This isn’t like you!”
I moaned and collapsed into the softness of the sofa cushion again, placing my hands in my lap.
“What happened with Dyson? Don’t make me ask a third time…”
As best I could, I told her everything that happened in his family’s garage. I told her that I’d confessed my love to him. Like any good friend, Jillian probably did what she thought was best. She badmouthed him and told me how much he didn’t deserve me.
She may have been right, but I was still alone. And now that Simon was kicked out of the school, I was even worse off than I was before I met him. At least with Dyson, I felt something I hadn’t for years.
Now, I had nothing.
“What are you going to do, Ava?”
I looked up at her, uncertain if more tears were to follow. “What do you mean? Do about what?”
Still clutching the homemade screwdriver in her fingers, Jillian continued, “About Dyson. What if he tries to contact you again? What are you going to tell him?”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. There was nothing left for us to say to each other. There was nothing to tell.
The thought of that was more than I could stand. I felt my body go limp for a split second before grief overwhelmed me again. Jillian placed my unfinished cocktail down on the table and swept me into her arms.
