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I release them and push my lifeless hands against the pleated silk lid, pushing with all of my strength. It doesn’t budge. I hit it, over and over and over, but to no avail. I’m locked in. I’m stuck, I’m stuck, I’m stuck.
I’m buried alive, I’m alone, I’m cold, I’m dead.
Images flash around me, in front of my eyes, in my eyes, behind my eyes.
Tires squealing in the rain, screaming, metal.
Water.
Drowning.
Me.
Finn.
Dare.
Everyone.
Are we all dead?
My eyes startle open and I am in the hospital.
The walls are white, my hands are warm, I’m alone,
And I must be
Crazy
Crazy
Crazy.
Chapter Seven
Dare stares at me from across the library and I have to physically stop my feet from twitching.
His mouth turns up. He’s thirteen and I’m ten and he thinks he’s so much bigger.
“Calla, are you paying attention?”
My mother draws my attention away from Dare, and I try to focus on her words. What had she been saying? She sighs because she knows I have no clue. What she doesn’t know is that even now I feel Dare’s stare on me, it’s on my skin, it’s warming me, it’s warning me, it’s…
“Calla, you have to listen to Sabine more. She’s here for your benefit. She knows what is best for you. She’s been telling me that you hide your pills, that you don’t want to take them.”
I gag from the mere memory of how my pills get stuck in my throat, their waxy coating sticking on my tongue.
“They taste awful,” I say defensively.
My mother looks sympathetic, but she is still firm.
“Calla, do you know that if you’d been born even a hundred years ago, you’d be the village lunatic? You’d run raving your madness down the streets and no one would be able to help you. But since we have the benefits of modern medicine now, you’re going to be able to live a completely normal life. Don’t piss that away, my darling.”
Her voice is kind, which softens the sharpness of her words, words in which I can hear the striking influence of my grandmother Eleanor. Mom bends to hug my shoulders, and I inhale Chanel and cashmere. I want to cling to her, to linger in her thin arms, but I know that’s impossible. She’s got a lot to do. She always does when we’re at Whitley.
She pulls away and pushes her shoulders back, looking at my brother.
“Finn, I want you to come to town with me today. Father Thomas wants to speak with you about being an altar boy.”
