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“Will Jones pick up Dare today?” I ask her as she sets her glass on the table. My mother clears her throat a little and Eleanor is still.
My grandmother stares pointedly at me and my heart speeds up. Why aren’t they answering?
“You should rest today, Calla,” Eleanor finally answers, without acknowledging my question. My mother clears her throat again, a small and strange sound. It causes the hackles to rise on my neck, because something is
wrong
wrong
wrong.
“Is Dare coming home today?” I ask
again, more firmly this time, and this time directed at my mother. She stares at her eggs for a long time before meeting my gaze.
“You need to rest today, my love. You’ve been wearing yourself out.”
Her face is expressionless and odd, and panic starts to rise in me like a wave, a wave that threatens to overtake me and pull me under.
“I’m fine,” I manage to utter. “I’m fine.”
My mother nods and Finn reaches for my hand beneath the table. He squeezes my fingers lightly, then harder. Our silent signal to let things drop. He wants me to let it…Dare?...drop.
No.
Never.
I turn to my grandmother. “Will Dare be here for dinner?”
Finn is squeezing my fingers hard enough to cut off circulation, but I ignore it. I focus on the faces in this room, the treacherous, treacherous faces.
I can hear shoes scraping on the floor, silver scratching porcelain plates, light breathing. I count my breaths.
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Just before my sixth, Eleanor abruptly pushes her chair away from the table and walks for the door.
“You’re disturbed, child,” she quietly says as she passes. “Go to your room and I’ll send Sabine.”
My mother looks away and Finn squeezes and I have a terrible dark feeling sitting on my chest.
“But why?” I call out after her because clearly she is the only one who will answer.
She doesn’t. Silence follows her and descends upon the dining room and everyone seals their lips and I’m terrified.
Where is Dare?
I rise from my chair, but my chest constricts. Tight, tighter, tightest. I can’t breatheIcan’tbreatheIcan’tbreathe. I tumble to the floor and the anchor the albatross the stone …. They all sit on my chest and break it, and crush it and hold me down. I’m crushed to the floor, my heart hurts and I can’t breathe.
I can’t breathe.
