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Numbness descends like a fog and I replace the phone on the table.
He was there. I saw him. I stood by him, I yearned to hold his hand, and his back says LIVE FREE. I know that.
Confusion jumbles in my head, which is nothing unusual. I’m always confused, but I’ve never been confused about Dare.
Where is he?
What is real?
“What is wrong with you?” Finn hisses at breakfast, his fingers pressing into my knee to get my attention. I shake my head.
“Nothing.”
“You’re lying,” he accuses, and as usual, he’s right about me.
He always is.
I know what he’s thinking.
I can’t take care of myself. I’m an invalid. I’m crazy.
I nod to reassure him. “I’m okay.”
He nods back, but he’s unconvinced.
It doesn’t matter though.
“I’m going to sketch today,” I tell him. “The grounds, the garden. Wherever the wind takes me.”
“I’ll come with you,” Finn says quickly, his hand already on mine because he doesn’t trust the wind, or anything else with me. But I shake my head.
“No. I’d like some quiet time.”
I want to fill my lungs up with the breeze, I want to be a hollow reed, absorbing the world, sucking it down, figuring it out.
I level a gaze at Finn and he stares back, and finally, he acquiesces.
“Ok. If you need me, just shout.”
I nod, knowing full well that he can’t hear me from across the grounds.
I grab a notebook and a pencil, then I make my way quietly outside, feeling Finn’s gaze between my shoulder blades with every step.
I walk away from the Savage house, from the Savage lawns, from the Savages. I walk to the gardens, where it is serene and quiet, where I feel Dare’s presence, even when he isn’t here.
I sit beside the bubbling brook, dipping my feet in the cool water as I watch it pass over the stones, polishing them.
My mind floats away, carried on the breeze.
Dare’s absence consumes me. How can someone simply be gone?
Eleanor is so stern, so rigid. She can make anyone disappear. I believe that. She has power and money and hatred.
A lot of hatred.
“See? You can change things.” The boy in the hood is suddenly next to me, and his presence makes me jump. “But you’re not the only one.”
I stare at him, at the black void where his face should be. I reach out to pull his hood down, to reveal his face, but he stops me with his hand.
