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“Don’t you?” she asks.
“No, I don’t. Maybe she said that she loved me.”
That thought constricts every one of my muscles, and I feel like a snake is trying to squeeze the life out of my body, a giant vise grip and my ribs… they can’t breathe.
I suck in a breath.
The therapist lays a piece of paper in my lap.
I look down.
It’s a small torn piece. It matches the journal page.
The missing piece.
My heart pounds. “Turn it over and read it,” she says softly.
With shaking fingers, I do.
“He’s worth it.”
34
Chapter Thirty-Three
“And she said… he’s worth it,” I repeat, and my heart. God, it feels like it’s going to explode with an emotion I don’t recognize.
“You’re worth it,” the therapist tells me simply. “Your mother knew it. She knew that you were so valuable, and so loved by her, that she would willingly give her life for you. She wanted you to live. She wanted you to thrive and be healthy. Because you’re worth it.”
“I’m worth it,” I say aloud, and the words feel foreign. I’m almost thirty years old, and I never once have felt like I’m worth it. I realize that now, in this very heavy moment.
“You’re worth it.”
I stare at the therapist, and she stares back.
“Do you believe it?”
“I don’t know.”
“That is your task,” she says finally. “To get to a place where you believe you’re worth it. Until you do, you won’t have peace.”
“My name means peace,” I tell her, off-hand. “My mother always said I was her peace.”
She nods. “I know.”
I don’t remember telling her that, but I don’t say it.
“I know your wife feels like you’re worth it,” she says. “And your daughter. And your unborn baby will someday feel it, too. You are a good man, Pax Tate. I knew you would be, and you are.”
I stare at the floor, and tears threaten to fall. I don’t know why. Hearing someone say that I have value… it has power.
“Give your wife the chance to love you,” she suggests. “She loves you more than anything, and you love her, too. That is what life is all about.”
She stands up.
“Our sessions are over,” she says. “You’ll continue with the group sessions for the rest of your stay here. It’s been very nice to speak with you. Can I hug you?”
I nod, and she bends, pulling me into a warm hug.
