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“I know,” he sympathizes. “I know. If you need me again, I’m just a phone call away.”
“That and a thousand miles.”
“More like eight hundred. No distance is too great though, son.”
My father has truly embraced showing his feelings nowadays. Sometimes, I like it. Sometimes, it makes me uncomfortable.
“Do you have time to come over to the house?”
He shakes his head. “Unfortunately, I don’t tonight. I’ll come back next week or so.”
“Ok.”
We finish our drinks, and he shakes my hand, then hugs me. He leaves, and I head to the restroom. While I’m standing at the urinal, I’m hit with an overwhelming desire to use.
It comes from nowhere, like a great black wave, and I can taste heroin in my mouth, I can feel it pulsing in my blood. I can feel the sting of the needle, and I can smell the it in my nostrils. It’s sharp, it’s overwhelming.
I fight to breathe around the feeling, but the breath doesn’t want to come.
“Dude, you alright?” the guy next to me asks, his dick in his hand. He’s breaking bro-code to ask.
“Yeah.”
I put one hand on the wall, finish my piss, and finally manage to breathe.
What the actual fuck?
The craving doesn’t go away, and it is still there on the ride home.
I open the muscle relaxers and swallow four of them, lying my head back against the seat, gritting my teeth.
This can’t be happening.
I won’t use.
This isn’t a part of my life anymore.
But holy shit. The need… for heroin, for cocaine… it’s overtaking me right now. It’s coursing through me, tangible and real. I almost feel shaky with it.
And I don’t know why.
Son of a bitch.
My skin is clammy and cold, and when we pull up to the front doors of my home, and Roger opens my door, I’m not ready to get out.
I’m still too shaky.
But I put on a brave front, and step into my home, because I’m not a god-damned pussy and I am stronger than this.
Whatever this is.
I’m surprised to see Mila up and about, with a cup of hot cocoa in her hand. I stand still, prepared to lecture, and she grins.
“My doctor said I could get up. He gave me the all clear!”
She’s radiant, absolutely glowing.
“You’re sure?” I ask. “It’s not dangerous?”
