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I rush to him, grabbing his arm, trying to hug him.
“Babe, I thought they were going to kill you. And you’re alive, and I just want to hold you. Please.”
He softens for a moment, and holds me to him, and I hear his heart beat even though I’m slumped over the bed rail.
“I love you,” I tell him. “I love you. I watched you on the TV monitor, and all I wanted to do was touch you. And now I am.” I stroke his strong arm, and I see that it is littered with needle tracks. Bruises and dried blood. I swallow hard. This is real. It happened.
He’s quiet and I lift my head.
“Why don’t you want to see me?”
Pain ricochets through my heart at the expression on his face. It’s so… detached. Forcibly detached. He’s doing this on purpose. But why?
“You can’t be around me,” he says simply. “You or Zuzu. I’m… not good for anyone.”
I’m startled. “Pax, you are the best man I know. You’re not thinking clearly right now.”
He shakes his head and stares out the window, away from me.
“You didn’t see what I did. I caved in right away, Mi. They wanted me to do drugs, and I did them. I slipped into addiction so easily. Too easily. I wasn’t strong enough. I’ll hurt you again and again. I can’t be with you.”
He swallows and his eyes are red.
“Babe, you don’t know what you’re saying. Natasha told me… she laced the muscle relaxers she gave you. She purposely was leading you down the path to addiction. They orchestrated everything.”
“But I’m the one who chose to use,” he says simply. “I didn’t have to.”
“I spoke with the detectives,” I tell him hesitantly. “They told me what happened. Those men made you, Pax. They threatened Zuzu. I don’t see that you had much of a choice.”
“They were going to kill her anyway,” he says quietly. “I knew that from the beginning. I guess I just hoped…” his voice trails off.
“She’s alive because of what you did,” I tell him. “You delayed it long enough for the police to come. You saved her life, Pax.”
He shakes his head, refusing to believe it. I know him. I know he’s in a dark place right now, a place where he is unable to hear good things. I haven’t seen him in this place in years, and it terrifies me now.
“They’re doing surgery on your knee soon,” I tell him. “Are you in pain?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m so sorry, babe.”
He looks away.
“You’ve got to leave, Mila. I can’t have you here.”
“But why? I love you. I need you. And you need me, too.”
“I can’t need you,” he says, and his voice is so husky and broken. “It’s not fair to you anymore. Walk out the door, Mila. Don’t look back. I told you once that I wasn’t good for you, and neither of us paid attention. And look what has happened. A wolf can only pretend to be harmless for so long before the truth comes out.”
His words hurt me so much, they cut deep. “You said love never fails,” I tell him, and God, this can’t be happening. “Did you lie?”
I’m stunned and I don’t know what to do. Pax swallows hard.
“No. Love hasn’t failed, babe. I did.”
The words cut through the air, the sharpest of knives and they twist into my heart, until I can’t breathe. My lungs are a vacuum and they are empty.
“You didn’t,” I argue, but he won’t listen.
