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Chapter 1 – TJ
I huddled underneath my covers, quivering uncontrollably and praying to God that my parents would stop fighting and go to sleep. Fearful that their anger would shift, and they would come looking for me.
“I saw the way you were looking at her,” my mother screamed from somewhere down the hallway of our little trailer. “That stupid slut! I could tell you’ve fucked her.”
I heard a crashing sound and willed the bed to swallow me whole.
“You’re crazy,” my father bellowed, the sounds of glass breaking filled the trailer, and I assumed they’d begun throwing things at each other.
Soon they’d begin hitting each other, and eventually they would turn their rage on me, or they would make up. Either way, I wouldn’t be getting any sleep. I tried my best to start replaying The NeverEnding Story in my head. If I was lucky, I’d lose myself in the world of Bastian and Atreyu, and by the time their story was over, the house would be quiet.
“TJ?” the voice of my boss pulled me out of the memory. I shook my head slightly, then brought my eyes to his.
“Yeah? Sorry, boss, I wandered off for a minute,” I admitted, slightly embarrassed at being caught drifting off.
“Can you come back into the office for a minute?” he asked turning and walking back toward his office, without waiting for my reply.
I looked over at my buddy Cal, who’d popped his head out from under the hood of a Chevy he was working on. He met my gaze and shrugged, indicating that he wasn’t sure what the boss wanted this time.
I picked up a rag and made an attempt to wipe the grease off my hands before proceeding down the hall. I knocked lightly on the open door and peeked my head around the corner.
“Come in and have a seat, TJ,” my boss said in greeting.
I walked in, running my hand nervously through my hair, not caring that I was probably streaking my dirty-blonde hair with grease. Being called into the office always made me feel like I was a kid getting in trouble again. Or worse, like I was being called in to answer questions about the bruises on my body, when the last time I’d eaten was, or when was the last time I’d bathed and changed clothes. Either way, I hated feeling weak and uneasy.
I sat and waited.
Our hours had already been cut, and I knew business was bad, so I figured whatever the boss wanted to say couldn’t be good.
“TJ, you know things have been going downhill here for a while, and I’ve tried to do what I could to preserve the business and get back on even ground, but I’ve come to a decision … There’s no way easy way to say this, so I’m just gonna rip off the Band-Aid,” The defeated look on his face made my stomach clench. “I’m selling the business. Mary and I have raised four kids, I’ve had this shop for over twenty-five years, and it’s just more stress than I want to deal with. We’re going to retire and head down to Florida to be by our oldest. She’s having her second baby, and Mary wants to be by her grandkids. I know you and Cal will take a hit from this, but you’re both hard workers and good at what you do, so I know you won’t have any trouble finding another job. I’ll be happy to write a letter of recommendation if you need one.”
I felt a mixture of anger and hurt at his words. Not because I didn’t understand his position, or wish he and his wife the best, but I needed this job. I depended on it. I loved the work, and the privacy of living on the grounds. I’d been picking up painting jobs with my friend Brock’s company, but it wasn’t full-time work and it didn’t pay as much as working at the shop. The clenching of my stomach turned into a burn.
I hated the thought of losing my job and my apartment. They weren’t much, but they were mine. I made a decent living and had a stable environment, something I’d never really had before. The thought of not knowing where my next paycheck was coming from, or whether I’d have money to eat and pay rent, tore me apart.
But that wasn’t my boss’s problem. It was mine.
I’d start looking for another job, and see if I could pick up some extra jobs with Brock.
“When do you need me out of the apartment?” I asked warily.
“This weekend,” he responded with a frown. “I’m sorry I can’t give you more time, TJ, but we’ve already had a couple of people interested in the property.”
I nodded absently, my mind reeling as I tried to plan what my next step could be. Scott had just gotten Cal off his couch, and was having issues with his fiancée, Victoria, so I didn’t want to impose on him. Cal and Shelly had just worked out their marital problems, and Cal had moved back in with her, so there was no way I would ask them to put
me up. Not when they were just getting back on track.
I thought about my grandparents, and felt the familiar rush of sadness. I’d only had them in my life for a few years, but they’d been the best years of my life. They’d taught me what it was to feel loved, and they’d done their best to rebuild my trust and faith in people. They’d passed away last year, so they wouldn’t be around to save me this time.
I was going to have to figure this out on my own.
Chapter 2 – Sasha
I curled my toes and felt the satiny smoothness of my sheets. I loved sleeping. It was the only time my mind shut down and I was able to relax. My dreams were a great escape from the reality of my life. Not that my life was bad, by any means, but in my dreams … anything was possible. I didn’t have to be the successful, rich, well-put-together girl that everyone expected me to be. I could be free, and I yearned for that freedom.
Reality was such a drag.
The reality was that I had parents who didn’t care that I existed, let alone feel any sort of pride in any of my accomplishments. In their eyes, it was silly that I wasted my time in real estate. My bank account was full, and I would never want for anything … Well, anything physical anyway. Emotionally … My account was empty.
As a child I’d been raised around the world. I’d lived in glamorous places and rubbed elbows with glamorous people. My father had bought me a house when I graduated high school, and I had enough clothes in my closet to dress the entire city. My parents couldn’t understand why I felt the need to stay in this town and work. Especially in something as blue collar as real estate.
I had a feeling that I’d never understand my parents, and they’d never understand me … Which was fine. Really. I had the best friends a girl could ask for, and I was doing something that I enjoyed. Sure, I went through men like I went through shoes, but I’d been around long enough to know what men wanted when they saw me … or, at least, the me I let them see.
I enjoyed them, and they enjoyed me, and if they thought I was cold when I brushed them off after a few encounters, so be it. At least we got what we wanted from each other in the interim.
I moved my foot again, and when I encountered a hairy leg, I opened one eye gingerly and turned my head.
Oh, yeah … Sean. We’d met a couple weeks ago when I’d sold him his house, and had hooked up a couple times. It was time to let him know that our brief encounters had come to an end. I always tried to be tactful, and I did tell him right from the start that I was only looking for a fling, but sometimes, they got attached. And I had a feeling that Sean was beginning to get attached.
He was a nice guy, and a pretty good lay. I had no complaints. But, he seemed to be at a time in his life where he was getting ready to settle down. He was about five years older than my twenty-four, shit, almost twenty-five, years, and had just bought a four-bedroom house. Sean was definitely starting to think about his future.
He let out a soft snore, which made me smile. He really was quite a good-looking man, and I thought he’d make someone a wonderful husband one day. He was funny, and I was a little sad to let him go. But I knew that someone like me would ruin someone like him. He needed a sweet girl, someone like my friend Shelly, who would be happy to raise his kids and keep his home welcoming and comfortable. I could never be that girl.
I never wanted to have kids.
Ever.
I know myself, better than anyone, and I am comfortable enough with who I am to admit that I’m too selfish to have kids. I want to live my life for me, not for anyone else … And why would I want to bring kids into a family like mine. Sure, they’d never want for any material things, but there was more to life than money and clothes. And since I was barely able to find those things for myself, how could I ever share them with a child.
Some people were meant to be parents … Like Cal and Shelly. They were going to be fabulous parents. Full of love and happiness. And I was going to be the perfect Aunty. I would spoil their kids and enjoy taking them out to do fabulous things, then I would take them back to their parents. I would gladly take on that role, but I would not be a good mother.
I slipped quietly out of bed and walked naked to my bathroom. It was equipped with all of the amenities of a five-star hotel. Sunken Jacuzzi tub, glass shower with multiple shower heads, a vanity, and marble counter tops. I brushed my teeth and grabbed my satin robe off of its hook. I checked myself in the mirror, rubbing the black smudges off from under my eyes, then fluffed out my hair. There was no reason not to look my best, even when I was about to give Sean the boot. I had appearances to keep up.
I opened the door and was mildly surprised to see Sean up and pulling on his pants.
“Hey,” he said, his eyes crinkling at the corners when he smiled.
“Hey,” I replied softly.
