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“I was offered a job,” I answered happily as she led us over to a small sitting area by a large bay window. “Interior decorating.”
Felicia nodded as she rang a small bell, indicating she needed service. Seconds later a small woman came in and Felicia turned to her with a smile. “Two teas, please.” The servant nodded and scurried back out of the room to get our drinks. Then Felicia turned back to me. “Interior decorating?” She paused a moment, nodded again. “That’s perfect. I wonder why we never thought of it before.”
“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. “Lord knows I love to shop,” I said with a quiet laugh. “And I did have a lot of fun decorating my condo, but I guess I never thought of it as being a viable career option.”
“Well, if you’re honest, you weren’t really looking for a career before,” Felicia stated bluntly. “You were with Scott, and you threw yourself into his career, and to becoming the perfect wife. Even when you started school, you never worked toward a career goal, you’ve always had tunnel vision where your future was concerned.” She patted my knee lightly and gave me a small smile, taking some of the sting out of her words. “I’m happy to see you doing something for yourself, and not just for a man.”
“But…” I began, before she cut me off.
“I know,” she began, her tone soft. “You’ve followed everything I taught you, everything I raised you to believe, but I have to say, Victoria, you took it to a level that I never meant you to.” When I turned to her, confused and hurt, she brought a hand to my cheek and continued, “You were so lost and confused when your father brought you to me. So worried that you would end up alone and depressed like your mother, so I taught you how to avoid that. But you have to understand, I never meant for you to lose yourself in the process. You’ve lived with your father and me, and you know that I do attend events, and do my best to be the perfect wife. Not only to the world, but behind closed doors as well … But, I hope you also know that I’m an independent woman. I always have been. And, my relationship with your father isn’t one-sided. He’s there for me as much as I am for him. But when I saw you with Scott, I began to realize that you’d somehow missed that part of our lessons, and you were living your life solely for him.” She brought her other hand up, cupping my face and forcing my eyes to stay on hers, when I would have rather averted my gaze so Felicia wouldn’t see the tears forming there. “When you guys broke off your engagement, I was relieved.”
My eyes widened with shock. “Relieved?”
“Yes,” she returned with a sad smile. “I wasn’t happy that you were hurt, or that you were embarrassed about having a broken engagement, but you and Scott weren’t good for each other, Victoria. I’d much rather see you the way you are today, happy about having a new job, looking confident and excited, than content with being on Scott’s arm and attending functions with his mother. And I think, if you dig real deep and are honest with yourself, you’ll find that you’d rather see yourself this way too.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
Felicia winced a bit, then shrugged apologetically, “Because at first you were happy, and even though you had some set-backs in your relationship, you seemed determined to make your relationship work. I didn’t want to upset you. I wanted to support you.”
I understood what she was saying, but I needed to know I could count on the people I loved to be honest with me, so I said, “Next time, please, tell me your honest opinion. I won’t hold it against you.”
Felicia nodded as our tea was served. As it was prepared, I let Felicia’s words sink in.
It was true, that although they ran in the same circles, and Felicia was the perfect wife, she was very different from Scott’s mother, who was only concerned about impressing others and maneuvering people to get what she wanted. I guess I had allowed my identity to be sacrificed in order to become what I thought Scott wanted, someone like his mother. Because although he’d said he didn’t want to live the life his parents had, Scott had been following in their footsteps. I guess he’d finally realized it himself, and that’s why he’d broken it off with me, and done what he could to stop himself from following their path.
For the first time in months, I could think about the decisions Scott had made, and not hate him for breaking off our engagement.
“Are you okay?” Felicia asked gently, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I took the tea cup that she offered and replied, “Yes, I’m pretty great actually.”
We smiled at each other, and I could tell that Felicia was relieved that I wasn’t upset over what she said. We chatted about fashion and country club gossip for a while, then I stood to take my leave. Felicia saw me out, and as I drove
away from the beautiful home I’d been raised in, I made a quick decision and turned right to head toward my mother’s place.
A few minutes later, I’d left luxury and opulence behind, as I turned into the run-down trailer park where my mother and Abigail lived. I hadn’t been by to see my mother since Scott and I broke up, but I knew from Abigail that she had heard about it.
I took a deep breath, smoothed down my hair, and knocked briskly. I turned and looked around the trailer park while I waited. It had never been a pleasing area to live, but it was more an eyesore now than ever before.
I heard the slamming and banging of my mother moving through the trailer, and turned, bracing myself to see her again.
The door flung open with a grunt, and my mother spat out, “What do you …. Oh, it’s you.” She turned and walked away, leaving the door open, which I took as an invitation to enter. She was wearing an old, neck-to-floor dressing gown, which hung in an unflattering drape as she flung herself onto the couch. Her long brown hair was the same shade as mine, but was dry and ratted. It looked like she hadn’t run a brush through it in weeks. She picked up a cigarette, tapped it against the palm of her hand, then placed it in her lips, scowling at me as she lit it.
“To what do we owe the honor, princess?” my mother asked gruffly as she took a drag, leaning back on the couch and propping her legs up on her scuffed and worn coffee table.
“I just wanted to see how you are, and to speak with Abigail,” I replied, keeping my hands clasped so she wouldn’t see them shake.
“She’s in her room,” she replied, thrusting her head toward the back room.
I turned slowly and walked purposefully toward Abigail’s room, so my mother wouldn’t know that I was eager to get away from her as quickly as possible.
I shoved the door open and closed it behind me, leaning my back against the door and closing my eyes to regain my composure. I took a deep breath, then opened my eyes, giving them a minute to adjust to the darkness, before looking around and finding Abigail snoring softly in her bed.
I huffed out a breath in exasperation, turned on the light, and walked over to fling the covers off of her.
“Get up, Abigail,” I said loudly. “It’s almost two o’clock in the afternoon!”
Abigail moaned and pulled her pillow over her head, so I reached down and grabbed it, throwing it across the room.
