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The whole thing just made me want to break down and cry. Krystal was damn near pushing Maya off her.
“No. Go get back in the car!” Krystal ordered.
It was as if seeing her daughter damn near beg for her didn’t mean a damn thing. This bitch was so fuckin’ selfish. I didn’t know what exactly happened between her and Trip, but he had to have said something hurtful to her or even called the relationship off for her to just not want to be a mother anymore. It had to be something because women don’t just stop giving a fuck about their child overnight. That’s how I knew that she had Trip’s baby out of spite. I wasn’t sure what she thought was going to happen once Maya was born, but it was obvious that things didn’t go exactly as planned.
“No! I’m ssss… staying ww… with you!” Maya screamed and cried.
“Didn’t I tell you to get back in the car? Go get in the fuckin’ car before I beat the fuck out of our ass out here!” she demanded.
In seconds, Maya scurried off, all the while crying. If this was the way that Krystal talked to her on a daily basis, then it explained why Maya was always so shy and timid. I couldn’t even say that I was shocked. I mean, what did I expect? This was the same lady who allowed someone to
drop their child off at my place of employment.
“Krystal, I’m telling you now, if you leave her with me, I’m not giving her back. On everything I love, this will be the last time that you see this little girl. I will have my lawyers get in contact with you so you can waive your rights. I don’t say shit and take it back. What’s it going to be?” I asked, ready to get the fuck out of there because this shit was pointless as hell.
“I don’t want her. Never did. I had her, thinking that when I eventually told Trip, it would get him to love me. I always liked Trip. Always! I always admired what you and him had. I wanted someone to love me the same way that he loved you, even if it meant receiving that type of love while he was incarcerated. Women like me don’t know the first thing to do when it comes to being a mama. That little girl in that backseat done seen and heard so much shit that I’m surprised she’s even sane. She’s been living in the projects her whole fuckin’ life. She done seen people get murdered, attended funerals for some of her classmates who were hit by stray bullets, seen her mama down on her knees sucking and fuckin’ for money. You think I’m getting rid of her to be selfish. Nah, I’m getting rid of her because that’s what needs to be done. It’s your call, Jashae. Put her in foster care, do whatever you got to do. I’m leaving,” she said.
“I’ll make sure to let her know that you died in a car accident on the way home. You may as well be dead to her anyway. Women like you fuckin’ kill me! You thought that by having Trip’s baby it would upgrade your title in his life? Sis, if my ass didn’t walk the fuck away from it, your status would have never been upgraded. I moved on and been riding the next nigga’s dick for almost half a year, and you’re still in the same position as you were in when I was dealing with Trip! A baby is not going to change shit. Men are going to do what the fuck they want to do regardless. I would have much rather Trip stuck his dick in a bitch with a brain, but you… I don’t even have the words. Be on the lookout for a phone call from my lawyer.”
With that, I jumped in the backseat with Maya. I had to calm her down. She screamed, cried, kicked, yelled, and punched the whole way to the hotel where we would stay until we returned to Miami tomorrow.
Krystal Woods
“Stop leaving this shit around. My kids find this shit and eat it, and my baby daddy will beat the fuck out of me and you,” my two years older cousin, Ashanta said as she came outside on the patio where I was.
She threw the baggie of coke in my lap that I must have left out last night on the living room table. I came to Atlanta and just started indulging in all types of crazy shit, that I never would have done when I was back home. The most I would do at home is smoke weed, drink a little lean, swallow some Xanax pills, and that was it. Here, all the strippers that I danced with were on coke. I let a couple of them talk me into using, and now it had become my best friend. It kept me sane and made me forget about the problems that I had back at home.
It wasn’t a surprise that I took to drugs so easily because growing up, that type of shit was part of my lifestyle. As a little girl, I would watch my mama and her friends indulge in all types of drugs. I remember the mornings after that, she would be so high that she wouldn’t even know who the hell I was. My mama’s house was like the hangout house. Growing up, it was my other four siblings and me.
I was the youngest of the bunch. I had three sisters and one brother, and we all had different daddies. I couldn’t even say that one of our daddies was better than the next because all five of them weren’t shit. None of them picked us up to take us anywhere, none of them gave my mama money to help take care of us, nothing!
My mama’s house had always been the place to hang out, play a couple of card games, do drugs, and sit on her patio and do nothing. I saw so many people around me doing drugs that by the time I was fourteen, I had already started smoking weed. Shit, I had to have been nine when I drank my first bottle of liquor. I wouldn’t say that my mama didn’t give a fuck about us, but she honestly couldn’t care less about what the fuck we did. Now, here I was years later, and I felt like I had become her. Just living life, putting poisonous shit into my body, and not giving a fuck about anything or anyone.
I knew I was living wrong, and I didn’t need anyone else to tell me that shit. Hell, I been living wrong; I just had a good way of hiding that shit. I had been struggling for months financially. I never had to work because I lived the type of lifestyle where I believed that pussy cost, so I made my money by fuckin’. That, and I was mean with doing box braids whenever I took the time out to actually do them. That was pretty much how I made my living since I was nineteen because that’s when I moved out of my mama’s house.
I started fuckin’ with Trip, and a bitch thought she was in love. When he and I started getting serious, and I gave birth to Maya, and then he started talking about marriage, I became about him and him only. Doing hair was the only income that I had, and that wasn’t much because I lived smack dab in the middle of the hood at the time, and a lot of customers were too scary to bring their ass to my apartment.
I couldn’t believe that I fell for a lying ass nigga like Trip. I never lied to Trip; if anything, I just kept secrets from him. The biggest secret of them all just happened to be Maya. I had my reasons for keeping Maya a secret. For one, when he and I would fuck during visitation, he was always under the impression that I was on birth control. Two, I knew that he didn’t want any more children. That was something that he’d made very clear. I knew that if I had told him that I was pregnant, he would have told me to get an abortion. I knew Trip, and I knew that he could be a monster. If I were to defy him and not get the abortion, he probably would have had his niggas run down on me and kill the baby out of me.
When I was dealing with Trip, of course I knew about Jashae. Well, I knew what he was telling me. When I would ask if they were together, it was always, “That’s my baby mama,” never giving me a real answer, but at the same time, I wasn’t dumb.
On the other hand, this man was asking me to marry him, telling me he loved me, and all of that. Now that it all came down to it, I was played. I got played for visitation pussy, phone sex, money, and time. Even with all of that, I still loved his stupid ass. He made it clear that we were through, though. That day in the visitation room, and the voicemail that he left me when he found out that I left Maya with his mother and went MIA all proved that he didn’t want anything to do with me.
Crazy thing is, when I went down there to see him for visitation, I didn’t go there planning to tell him about Maya. Actually, the picture that I showed him of her was one that I always carried around with me. It’s just that when he started talking crazy about not wanting to get married anymore, I just fuckin’ snapped. I knew that telling him about the daughter we shared could risk our relationship, but at the time, I was running so high off emotions that it didn’t even matter to me. Now, look, I probably lost the one man who actually gave a fuck about me.
When it came to Maya, I just felt that she was too much to handle. Every time I took her to the doctor, they diagnosed her with something else. Maya didn’t start talking until she was two, almost on the verge of three. I knew something was wrong with her, but like I did everything else, I kept pushing it to the back burner. Next, they were talking about she had autism spectrum disorder. I didn’t want to believe it, but she displayed many of the symptoms common with children on the spectrum like her communication and her way of socializing with others. Although she was five, at times, it felt like her ass was two.
When she was in kindergarten, they had a specialist come out who believed she had a learning disorder as well. I guess the problem was bad enough since it interfered with school and other everyday activities. I wasn’t even sure if all that shit that they were diagnosing her with came from me smoking, drinking, and everything else that I was doing when I was pregnant with her because no one had said anything. All I knew was that I just couldn’t do it.
I could see if she was a normal five-year-old who didn’t demand so much extra attention, but damn. Fucking around with that little girl, I was going through almost ten blunts a day just to stay fuckin’ sane! Everybody wanted to point the finger at me and make me out to be the bad guy, but I just didn’t understand how me deciding to give my daughter a different lifestyle made me to be a bad person.
I didn’t know that Trip’s mother would drop Maya off to Jashae, but I couldn’t say that I was mad. Although I didn’t know Jashae and Vonte personally, when he was alive, they were always doing little sports interviews with him for basketball, and I could tell from his personality alone that she’d raised a good boy. So, I wasn’t mad at the fact that Jashae would raise my daughter for me. Hell, that was her son’s sister, so it really wasn’t like she was doing me a fuckin’ favor.
I couldn’t stand that bitch, though. She brought her ass down to Atlanta last night and called herself telling me about myself! She did all of that talking just to leave and take my fuckin’ daughter with her! I didn’t know if my mind on wanting Maya would change later down the line, but right now, I was firm on my answer. I no longer wanted to take on that responsibility!
“My bad. Where the kids at anyway?” I asked after I stopped staring off into space and daydreaming.
My cousin, Ashanta, was a very beautiful girl. She reminded me of Diamond from the movie The Player’s Club. Her ambition and determination are what had me seeing the similarities between the two. We’re talking about somebody who was a full-time nursing student by day and part of the naked hustle by night. She was a classic example of someone who was using her stripper money to pay her way through school. She could easily get the money from her dope selling boyfriend, Diante, but she’d told me long ago why she didn’t. Diante was the type of nigga who would throw all the shit in her face that he did for her, and I guess she just didn’t want to live with that burden for the rest of her life.
