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“Can you just come over here so I can tell you?” I asked.
“Nah, man! Last time you told me you had something to tell me, you ended up raising your shirt and showing me that big ass tattoo on your back with my name. That was a dumb ass move. Let’s go. I ain’t got time for your theatrics,” he called out and walked over to the front door.
“I’m pregnant, Jabari!” I said.
It’s as if my words didn’t even faze him because he kept right on turning the knob, as if he didn’t even hear me.
“Nigga, did you hear me? I said that I’m pregnant!” I reiterated.
“Good for you! Fuck you want me to say? Congratulations? That ain’t got shit to do with me. Take that shit up with your baby daddy,” he shot back.
“I’m doing exactly that! Don’t stand there and try to downplay this shit, Jabari!” I yelled.
That got him to step away from the front door after he slammed it.
“Downplay what? If I downplay this shit any more than I already do, this shit is going to be to the fuckin’ floor. Don’t come at me with no shit like that, shorty. Ain’t you just get mad at me a few weeks ago and found yourself throwing it in my face that another nigga was eating your pussy? I know from there that I’m not the only nigga that you fuckin’. Don’t put that shit on me. I strap my dick up faithfully when I fuck on you!” he barked.
“And your break condoms too!” I threw in there.
“I break condoms and then I replace them with other ones. If I ever slipped up and broke a condom, and some of my nut accidently slipped off in you, I always fed your ass a Plan B right after, so like I said, stop fuckin’ playing with me. Just because you don’t know who your baby daddy is, please don’t try and throw that shit on me. Get the fuck up while I’m still being nice and offering to take you home!” he demanded.
I knew he was mad. I could feel it. I could see it.
“You’re such a little ass fuckin’ boy! You’re always down to fuck, but you’re not down to handle your responsibilities,” I voiced, standing up from the couch.
“I’ll be that. You’re trying to run game on a nigga, and you’re getting mad because I’m not falling for that shit. Who the fuck you think I am? Some square ass nigga? You can’t just open your mouth and feed me shit, telling me you’re pregnant, and I’m just supposed to take your word for it. If I didn’t know that you was fuckin’ other niggas, then there’s a slight chance that I would have believed you, but because I know I’m not the only nigga digging in your shit, it’s a different story. Let’s go. I done already gave this shit too much of my fuckin’ energy anyway,” he said.
“You may not know your daddy, but it’s obvious that you take after his ass,” I voiced.
I only knew his dad wasn’t around because I’d heard him say it before.
“Okay. I’m still waiting on the part where you walk the fuck out the door, so I can take your dumb ass home!”
“You’re a waste of fuckin’ sperm. Your mama was better off swallowing your ass!” I was saying anything to hurt him like he was hurting me.
To find out that I was pregnant by this man, and for him to react like this was a pain that I couldn’t even explain to you.
“Yeah, like you swallowed all of mine. Find your own way home, hoe. I ain’t taking you nowhere! Get the fuck out with that loose ass pussy,” he spat.
“You know, I don’t even blame you. I blame your mama. That bitch ain’t never have a man around here to show you how to treat a woman. You done saw so many niggas dog her and her pussy out, that you think that this is the way to treat a woman!” I spat.
“Get out, hoe! I’m warning you before I drag your ass the fuck out!” he threatened.
“Drag me out like them niggas do your mama, right? How many times you done watched them niggas run trains on your mama, fuck nigg—”
Whap!
He ended up slapping the shit out of me. Everything that I said was true. When I met his mom for the first time a couple of months ago, I didn’t know her personally, but I knew the way people talked about her. They talked about the way she done fucked just about every nigga in Atlanta. Of course, when I met her, I wasn’t bold enough to tell Jabari to his face what people were saying about his mother, but now that the two of us were beefing, I didn’t care what I said.
When he hit me, I could taste the blood in my mouth. I hawked up all the spit that I could get, and I spit blood mixed with spit at him directly to his face. I watched the way his light brown eyes turned black. Like I was a nigga, he punched me right in my mouth. I fought his ass back because fighting was nothing new to me. I punched, kicked, slammed, anything that I could do to fight back. In the end, I was dragged out of the house.
For damn near thirty minutes, I sat my dumb ass outside on the porch, crying and in pain, and no one ever came to help me. The most pain that I was in was the pain in my lower abdomen, letting it be clear that I was definitely having a miscarriage. I reached my hand down and placed it between my legs. When I saw the blood that was on my fingers, I broke down even harder. I should have just left, because had I left, at least I would have still had my baby.
The present
Crazy how I still remember that day as if it were yesterday. I guess that’s the case because I never really got over it. I still feel like that was something that happened yesterday. Our child would have been thirteen years old. I never really got to find out what I was having because I was so early in the pregnancy, like five weeks, so I honestly just bled it out in clots.
That night on the porch when Jabari dragged me out of his mama’s house, he left me no choice but to lay there and go through the excruciating pain of losing our child. If I had to explain any type of pain that I ever went through, that miscarriage was definitely the worst. I’m not even talking about the physical part of it either. It was the mental because I was still going through that. Jabari and I never got closure after that. I would call him after that, pretty much every day, just to let him know that it was his fault that we’d lost our baby, but nothing would get through to him. Pretty soon, he ended up changing his phone number on me. He was still in Atlanta, but I never saw him. That man was avoiding me like the damn plague.
