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“Why you looking at my daddy?” Diante Jr asked as he came into the room and plopped on the couch right next to me.
I couldn’t stand his grown ass. He talked too much shit, and I felt like he didn’t get proper discipline. He cursed like a sailor when his parents weren’t around, and he was always fuckin’ with my shit. Just the other day, I found him flushing one of my wigs down the toilet.
“Boy, please! Ain’t nobody looking at your ugly ass daddy!” I lied, only because Ashanta was in the room and she’d heard him.
As much as I couldn’t stand this little ass boy, I had to admit that he was so damn handsome, looking just like his damn daddy. Dion was bad too, but he wasn’t as bad as his big brother. At times, he could be a little sweetheart. Even right now, he’d come over and given me a hug instead of fuckin’ with me like his older brother.
“Yeah, you was looking at my daddy. I know what I saw. Mommy, she was looking at daddy,” he kept right on.
Ashanta paid him no mind as she walked up on Diante. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he picked her up, kissing her passionately. Now that I think about it, he hadn’t kissed me. My cousin loved that man; there was no denying that. He didn’t deserve her. She was far too good of a fuckin’ woman for his ass. She was too good for me too. This woman had opened her home to me with open arms, and I repaid her by sleeping with her man.
I watched out the corner of my eye as he carried her out of the room and into the back, more than likely to do the same things to her body, plus more than he’d done to mine. I felt played. I felt like I was just a piece of pussy to him. I had to get the fuck up out of there before this shit ended badly for us both. Their son was already catching me looking at their dad, and I didn’t want the time to come when he caught me fuckin’ his dad!
Jashae Johnson
It was Saturday afternoon, and I’d just finished getting the best massage that I’d ever received in my entire life. My man had woken me up this morning, and he switched the roles on me. Instead of me being the one who gets up first each morning to make sure that I had breakfast on the table for him and Maya, he was the one who had done all of that. His breakfast didn’t taste nowhere near as good as the breakfast that I would prepare, but it was the thought that counted.
After breakfast, Miami let me know about the spa day that he’d put together for me and also told me that I didn’t have to worry about Maya because he had everything handled with her. Since I’d come back home, and Miami and I had picked back up where we left off in terms of our relationship, I swear it just felt new again. It was fresh. There was no drama, no arguing, none of that. There was still that little damper in the relationship with his father being sick, but I was there for him as much as I could be.
These days, Miami was spending a lot of his time at the hospital with his father, just soaking up all those last minutes. We’d already gotten word from the doctor that it was going to be by the grace of God if his father lived for another month. That was sad. Death was already hard to deal with in the first place but to actually have to prepare for it and count down on it, I couldn’t imagine. Then again, even when you aren’t prepared, the shit still hurts.
I was in no way, shape, or form prepared for when I lost Vonte. That right there hit me like a ton of bricks. It was still hitting me. I still had my days when I locked myself in a room and cried. I just had a breakdown yesterday at work, which no one knew about. That breakdown stemmed from me finding an old picture in my drawer of Vonte and me from when I’d brought him to my job a few years ago for Take Your Child to Work Day. Right there, in the middle of my office, with the door closed, I broke down. I thought about the child that I was carrying and how happy Vonte would have been that he had a little sibling on the way. I still couldn’t believe that I was pregnant. Lord knows I would need a refresher because I didn’t even think that I still remembered how to change a diaper.
Right now, I was sitting in a room with a few other women, and we were all in our robes after receiving our massages. There were all types of finger foods for us to snack on like fruit, cheese and crackers, and things of that nature. The way my stomach was rumbling, I could use some real food, though.
I was laid back in one of the recliner chairs with a fashion magazine in my hands. Since this wasn’t my magazine, I was using my phone to snap pictures of all the outfits that I liked, and I planned to purchase them online once I made it home.
“Jashae?” my name was called out.
She asked it in a questioning way as if she was trying to see whether or not it was me. I looked up from the magazine and peered at the woman standing before me long and hard. I honestly didn’t know how to feel about her presence. Last I had seen of her, I was bursting in her house and destroying her daughter’s room, looking for my son’s gym bag. The last time that she was spoken of, though, was when I found out from my attorney that she wished to drop all the charges that she had failed against me.
I looked at her, and because she looked a lot like Taylor, I couldn’t help but feel myself get angry as I looked at her. I wanted her out of my presence, but at the same time, a part of me wanted to know what the hell she wanted. Just like me, she was in a robe after getting a massage. From the bounciness of the curls that were in her hair, mixed with the fresh pedicure and manicure that she had, it made me believe that more than likely, she received the same spa package that I had for myself. Like a scared kid, I watched as she looked down at the floor and twiddled her fingers.
“Trust me, it isn’t easy for me to approach you like this, especially given the circumstances. You having to sit here and face me couldn’t possibly be easy. I’m the woman responsible for the girl who played a part in your son’s death. Jashae, I want you to know that from the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry for what happened to Vonte. Because of his relationship with my daughter, I got the chance to meet him a few times, and from one woman to another, you raised an exceptional son. We’re two mothers mourning the death of our babies.
“I just want you to know that the day you came into my home searching for Vonte’s bag, I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you. Neither was I trying to protect my daughter, even in her death. It’s just that as a mother, I didn’t want to believe what you were accusing my daughter of. I knew my daughter; therefore, I knew the type of person who I’d raised, and never in a million years would I ever think that she would have done something like that. I should have known. The way my daughter cried over Vonte’s death, it felt too personal, you know? Only for the truth to come out and she be the cause of his demise,” she said with watery eyes.
My eyes were watery too as I nodded my head. Out of everything that she’d just said to me, I still had one question.
“Did you know that the baby your daughter was carrying didn’t belong to Vonte?” I asked.
Her eyes left mine and lingered on whatever the hell was behind me. That right there showed me everything that I needed to know in terms of an answer.
“I did. At the same time, I didn’t know the amount of secrets that my daughter was keeping until she was already gone. A shit load of stuff came out after Taylor’s death. Listen, I didn’t come over here to ruin your peace and quiet. I just couldn’t see myself walking away without speaking. Take care, Jashae,” she said right before she walked away.
My eyes stayed on her until she rounded the corner and walked out of the double doors. It wasn’t even her who I was mad at, but she and I could never be friends. There was far too much resentment in my heart for her child, even in her death, so I couldn’t be friends with a woman who’d birthed the child who had caused me so much damn pain. Even now, just seeing her and any talk about Taylor made me so damn emotional. Here I was, supposed to be relaxing and enjoying my magazine along with my fruit, yet I could feel myself becoming emotional.
Two hours later
I was almost to my grandmother’s house when my cellphone rang. It was Mahogany calling me. It brought a big smile on my face to see my girl ca
lling. These days, it was more so me calling her because she had been so busy with the baby lately, which was very understandable because I knew how demanding a newborn baby could be. I talked to her yesterday evening after I left work, and for the first time in a while, I heard happiness in her voice. I didn’t know what changed, but I’ll take it.
Mahogany was scaring me with the way she was talking and moving ever since Jamaria came along. It’s like she had lost all confidence, which was why I was making it my duty to check up on the two of them at least four to five times out of the week. Granted, I knew my girl, so I knew that she wouldn’t snap and do anything crazy to herself or to the baby, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t worried.
I remember when I first had Vonte. Mannnn, I cried for months at a time. I was a baby my damn self, who didn’t know what the fuck I was doing with a child. My grandmother would let me sit there, cry it out, and figure it out myself before she would step in and take him for me, but the majority of the time, he would have already calmed down by then. The best advice that I was able to give my girl was that it will eventually get better. Those sleepless nights will one day come to a halt. In all seriousness, though, I was praying to God and asking that he didn’t give me a cry baby like Jamaria. I would probably go crazy just like Mahogany.
“What’s up? Where my baby at?” I asked, referring to my goddaughter and my niece. My blood niece at that, since Mahogany was indeed my blood sister. Weird, right?
