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I walked closer to her bed and took a seat. For a few minutes, I just sat there and listened to her get it out of her system. Once I saw that she’d calmed down a little bit, I removed the covers from her face. As if she was a little girl again, I pulled her into me, wrapping my arms around her, and she placed her head on my chest. No matter how grown Journey thought she was, she needed to know that she would always be my baby. Hell, she was my first child, so when it came to her, there was always a much softer spot than when it came to the twins, although I loved all of my children equally.
“You know that whatever is bothering you, you can talk to me. I know that you’ll probably be more comfortable talking to Shrimp about certain things, but remember that you have me too, alright?” I asked her, and I could feel her nodding her head up and down on my chest.
“I know, Daddy. I’m just cramping, and my head started hurting from all that crying I was doing. I just need to get some sleep, but I’ll be alright,” she let me know.
I knew that she was lying, but I didn’t bother to press her on the issue. She wasn’t crying like she was dealing with cramps. Her cries seemed so hurt and similar to the way I often heard Takari cry, but I could be wrong. I stayed in the room with her for a little while longer, and before I left, I made sure to kiss her forehead, and then I was out the door.
The room next door to Journey’s was the guest bedroom that my wife had been sleeping in. The door was cracked, and I could hear the television playing. I walked in slowly and found her lying in the middle of the bed with her head propped up on her hand as she watched whatever was on the television screen. I knew she felt my presence in the room, but she didn’t even bother to look at me.
If you asked me, I felt like she’s taken this shit way out of proportion. Takari talked to me crazy just about every chance she got, but the moment I said some shit, all bets were off and she stopped sleeping in the same bed as me. Granted, I didn’t even mean the shit like that. How many times did I have to say that I was never trying to imply that she pinned the twins on me? All I was trying to fuckin’ say was that we shouldn’t put all of our hopes into a fuckin’ pill that we know for a fact doesn’t always do its job. If it did, twins wouldn’t have been here or at least they wouldn’t have gotten here so soon. For the life of me, I couldn’t see the harm in that.
“How long we supposed to keep this shit up?” I asked right after I took the remote from the bed and turned the TV off.
I knew my wife like the back of my hand. Therefore, I knew that had I talked to her while the TV was on, she would have ignored my ass or pretended like she didn’t hear me. That was the type of petty shit that her ass loved to do. I flicked the lamp on that was closest to me because I wanted to better see her face. After I turned the TV off, it was pitch black in the room, and for this conversation that was getting ready to happen, we needed to be able to look into each other’s eyes just to see if there was any type of love left for each other. I knew for a fact that I loved my wife, but I couldn’t speak for her.
“What exactly is it that we’re keeping up? I’m doing what you want me to do, Jerrod. You want me to be the wife who doesn’t call you while you’re at work, doesn’t ask you what time you’re coming home, or anything like that. All I’m doing is the things that you want. If you’re inquiring on why I’m sleeping in a whole different bedroom, I won’t dare answer that question because you know why! I’m not going to allow you to continue talking to me like you’re crazy. To even put shit out into the atmosphere like I pinned the twins on you, I just can’t look at you the same after that. Truthfully, that sounds like some shit that your mom put into your head,” she went on to say as she rolled her eyes.
I ran my hand down my face and pulled on my beard in the process because, for the first time since I’ve been with my wife, I felt the sudden urge to grab her little ass up from this bed and shake the shit out of her. I was a grown ass man, and I didn’t like the fact that she was trying to insinuate that I couldn’t think for myself. My mom didn’t have shit to do with what I said to Takari. That was all me.
“Unlike you, I don’t discuss everything with my mama that happens in this marriage because certain shit isn’t meant to be shared. You tell your mama every fuckin’ thing that happens in this marriage. While you’re at it, make sure you tell her the full thing and don’t leave pieces out. Tell her how you can’t even keep your fuckin’ house in order. Our thirteen-year-old daughter is in her bedroom crying, but I bet you didn’t know that because you’re too busy beefing with me to even realize what the fuck is going on around you!
“What type of wife are you, Takari? It’s going on three weeks that you’ve been sleeping in this fuckin’ room! Any other man would have left your ass already! Fuck is wrong with you?” I asked, looking down at her.
My voice was so loud that there was no doubt in my mind that I had awakened the kids. I usually tried not to argue with Takari like this, especially while I had my kids in the house, but her nonchalant ass attitude was slowly pissing me the fuck off!
“Jerrod, fuck you! Seriously, fuck you! What do you mean I don’t have my house in order? The only thing about this fuckin’ house that isn’t in order is you and me! There isn’t a thing that you can tell me about my fuckin’ kids that I don’t already know because I make sure that I stay on top of that at all fuckin’ times! All three of them completed their homework, they each read for an hour tonight, and I’m scheduled to attend a parent-teacher conference tomorrow for Jada and Jerrod. What the fuck have you done?
“I’m sleeping right next door to Journey. You don’t think I know that her ass was in there crying? Before you came into the house, she came in the room asking for her phone back, and I told her no! That’s why her ass is in there crying! Jerrod, you can leave me, nigga! I have no gun to your head telling you to stay with me. Go ’head,” she had the nerve to say.
All I could do was shake my head with a sly smirk on my face.
“Best believe something, beautiful. If I ever get tired of this shit and feel like I can’t do it anymore, it won’t be me walking out of this beautiful house. It’ll be your ass! I own this shit, and anything that you think you own, I own that too! Always remember that,” I let her know, and she quickly shut the fuck up.
After I said my peace, I walked out of the room, leaving the door wide open. I was trying to make this shit work, but I was slowly starting to feel like this shit was probably done years ago, and we just didn’t even notice it.
7
Za’Kai “Bully?
? Kemp
There she was! Easily the most beautiful woman that I’ve ever laid eyes on, and she was walking toward me. Even now, at thirty-five years old, I still looked at her with the same gleam in my eyes, that I did when I was a little boy. She was beautiful, and despite her lifestyle, she still managed to keep a smile on her face.
Yes, I’ve been to juvie, jail, and prison a few times, but I never stayed in either of them for more than three years. My ole girl had at least another twenty years left in this bitch but was smiling like she was getting out of this hellhole tomorrow. Like myself, my ole girl had caramel, golden skin. In fact, she was like the female, older version of me because everyone said that we looked alike. The good hair that I had, I got it from her because my mother’s mother was an Indian woman with a mixture of black in her. One would look at my mother and be able to tell that she was mixed with something, but I don’t think that a lot of people’s first choice would be Indian.
Being in prison for all these years had caused her hair to grow even more. Right now, she had it slicked back into a neat ponytail that went way past the middle of her back. She had those same, big brown eyes as I did, and when she walked, she held onto a certain type of confidence that she’d given me as well. My ole girl knew she was the shit as she walked over to me in the gray sweats and gray shirt that all the inmates had to wear. White sneakers were on her feet.
When she was inches away from me, she quickly walked into my arms, and I hugged her like I hadn’t hugged her ass in years. The guard that was on duty today for visitation, I used to sell weed to him years ago, so he let us have our little moment without blowing that fuckin’ whistle and telling us that we couldn’t touch. Although I was her son and she was the parent, I towered over her body, kissing her forehead and letting her know that I loved her.
If anyone knew me, you knew that a nigga was miles away from being in the same category as vulnerable. The only time I ever showed a soft side is when it came to my kids and my ole girl. I wasn’t even vulnerable with my baby mama when we were a thing. My baby mama, Breshay, was probably the only woman outside of family that I actually loved, but I never told her that shit. Growing up in this hard, fucked up world, I felt like it turned my feelings cold. A nigga like me was too afraid to let his guard down because I felt like the minute I did, a motha fucka would try to take advantage of my kindness.
Breshay and I didn’t work out for plenty of reasons. Reasons that I know for a fact I played my part in too. Toward the end of our relationship, we really just became two people who were in the business together. I would use her to cook up the dope, and that feeling alone was better than sex. Who knows if I would ever find that girl to break down these walls, but so far, the only person that has been able to turn me soft just for a few minutes is my daughter. That’s it.
“Look at you, Bully! My son is so handsome. I know the bitches are on you like some little leaches. Mannn, if I was out, I would have had a good time turning them bitches away,” my ole girl let me know, making me laugh.
She was easily one of the funniest people I knew. She complimented me on my looks every time she saw me and said the same thing about these bitches each time too.
“You know me, ma, I’m not worried about these bitches. I’m focusing on my kids and trying to save up enough money to open this barbershop,” I said, taking a seat on the bench, and she did the same.
