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Although it was that time of the month for me, I wasn’t cramping like how I was making it seem. I didn’t too much care for my grandmother on my dad’s side. Every time I came around, I felt like she was always criticizing something about me. One day, it could be that she didn’t like the braids that were in my hair, or my dress would be too short, or her favorite one, which was that she felt like I was too grown for my age.
Whenever she started judging me or saying little slick remarks, my mother and her would always start bickering because my mom was one of those moms who would go to war with anyone behind her kids, even if that meant her own husband’s mother. The thing is, my dad’s mother only treated me like that. She never had anything to criticize when it came to the twins. To her, they were like little angels.
“Journey, please! I don’t want to go to the damn dinner either, but she called me and insisted that we come! Whatever problems I have wit
h your father shouldn’t be transferred to me having problems with his mother. What’s the big deal with going? We go, eat, and go back home! You love steak, so I’m sure that whatever fancy restaurant she decides to go to will have steak, and you can get that. Besides, it saves me from having to cook tonight,” she said, making her own self laugh. I didn’t laugh with her; I just sat there wishing that we were leaving the restaurant already.
“Ma, you think you and daddy will ever get back together?” I asked, deciding to pick her brain since she felt the need to do that to me whenever she and I were alone. Also, I wanted to see if she would admit to having any dealings with this Bully guy.
“You know what, Journey? I’m not even going to lie to you. You’re at an age now where I feel like you’ll better understand this more than the twins, so I shouldn’t have to sugarcoat anything for you. There is no way that your father and I will ever get back together. Did I want to try to stick it out for the sake of you and the twins, hell yes but at the same time, baby, I can’t settle! I won’t dare bad talk your father in front of you, but just know that I’ve been settling for years with him. The twins had questions for me the other night, wanting to know if me and Daddy still loved each other since we no longer lived together.
“I can’t speak for him, but I’ll always love your father. That was my first love, so there will always be love in my heart for him, but we just can’t be together. We are too toxic for each other, and when it gets to a point that we start arguing, cursing, and fighting in front of y’all, then I feel like it’s time to just walk away. Nothing changes, though. We’ll continue to be a family, just under two different roofs,” she said, and I nodded, although I just really didn’t get it.
“I don’t get it, Ma. How can you be with someone for more than half your life, and then all of a sudden just end it? Why can’t you and Daddy just work it out? Majority of my friends’ parents are divorced or were never even married in the first place. If I were you, I would just stay,” I said, trying to give her some advice.
She let out a sarcastic laugh. “And that, my beautiful daughter, is why you are too young to have a boyfriend. You are too young to understand love. I love your father so much that I’m willing to walk away because if I stay, he and I won’t do anything but continue to disrespect each other. I’m going to tell you something that I’ll tell Jada when she’s old enough to hear it, which is for you to know your worth. I don’t give a damn if you were with someone for fifty years, you don’t stay and let a man treat you like shit just because the two of you have history! That’s not love! That’s settling! Remember that,” she said.
“Are you going to move on and date someone else?” I finally asked the million dollar question.
I wanted to see if she would look me in my eyes and lie to me. For the most part, my mom always kept it real with me. She never spared me from the truth, but if it happened to be one of those things where I was inquiring on too much or if it was out of my place, she wouldn’t tell me.
“Journey, I’m thirty-three years old, meaning that I still have a whole life to live. My life doesn’t stop because your father and I are no longer together. Switch the subject. I don’t like having these types of conversations with you. How was your day at school?” she asked, switching the subject herself.
Funny how she didn’t answer the question. I didn’t bother to answer her question either, especially since I didn’t even stay in school today. The music all of a sudden stopped playing in the car, and the name, Za’Kai, popped up on the screen. I watched as she quickly snatched her phone off the car charger, so the name would remove itself from the screen, but it was too late because I’d already seen it. That had to have been Bully calling. It just had to. I pretended not to pay her any attention as I looked out of the window, but lowkey, I was dying inside, hoping that she answered the phone for him, and she did.
“Hello?” she answered. Any other time, her call volume would be so loud, but it was funny how I couldn’t hear a damn thing he was saying after she answered it. She let out a little school girl laugh before she proceeded to speak again. “I’m in the car with my daughter, so I’m not going to answer that. Yes, I could use that. No, remember I told you that I have to go to the dinner tonight. Okay. Bab—I mean, Za’Kai, okay!” she went on to say. Did this woman almost just call this man baby? Oh, hell no! “Yes, I’ll call you when I get home.”
I didn’t know what the hell he was saying to her, but it had her smiling and looking crazy as I watched her from the corner of my eye. I’d never seen my mom act like this with any man, not even my own father, and they’d been together more than my whole fuckin’ life! I didn’t know how to take this on. It was so obvious in my mother’s voice that she was in love, and I hated it. She was reminding me of how I used to be when I first got with Raheem. I was so in love and sprung over him that my cheeks were always hurting due to all of the smiling that he would have me doing.
When she finally ended her phone call, I wanted to question her about it, but I knew that she would instantly shut it down and tell me that I needed to stay in a child’s place. Plus, my auntie Sky started calling, so I didn’t even have time to question her about this man.
9
Takari Evans
“Mommy, if we eat all of our food tonight, can we have ice cream?” that was my greedy daughter in the backseat as I headed in the direction of Morton’s, which was where Jerrod’s mother planned to have her birthday dinner tonight. Lord knows I didn’t want to go to this, but for whatever reason, she’d called me earlier in the week, damn near begging that I come along with the kids.
Because Jerrod and I were no longer together, I didn’t see why the hell I had to go, but his mother was so damn good at convincing you to do something that you didn’t want to do that I ended up agreeing to go. Basically, giving in to her resounding pleas. Lord knows there were times when I just couldn’t be in the same room with her. Plus, I didn’t want to face Jerrod. Usually, whenever I saw him, it was for a few minutes because I’d either just be dropping the kids off or standing at the doorway and waiting for him to bring them back.
Another month had gone by, and he still hadn’t signed the divorce papers, even after I had my lawyer send them over again. It was frustrating as hell to me because I felt that as long as he and I were married, Za’Kai was going to continue labeling me as his friend, and I hated that because I felt like I was so much more to him than that. Although I hadn’t said it to him yet, I loved Za’Kai. I promise it wasn’t his ability to fuck me to sleep that had me saying this. It was how attentive he was with me, how loving, caring, handsome, and smart he was that had me sure that I loved him. He could still be that asshole that he was back at the movies, or even at the park, but most of the time, I got the version of Za’Kai that would have me weak in my damn knees.
So much more had happened between us since we had sex at his grandmother’s house. We’d been on dates on the weekends, he’d popped up at my job some days to take me to lunch, and I’d spent time at his home cooking dinner for him. I loved what we had going, but as long as my last name was Evans, I didn’t know how far he and I were going to go. I felt that Za’Kai liked me just as much as I liked him, but there were times when he would pull back or make little comments, basically just to remind my ass that I was still married.
“Yes, I’ll let you have ice cream,” I told my daughter and watched through the rearview mirror as she did her little happy dance, which made me laugh.
Jaden and Jada couldn’t care less about coming to this dinner because as long as they had food, they were riding. It was Journey and I who didn’t want to be there. We’d been in the car now for almost fifteen minutes, and she hadn’t said a word. She couldn’t possibly despise coming to this dinner more than I did.
I took my time getting to the restaurant, but it was only so slow that I could drive before I finally pulled the car up to valet. I looked in the valet parking lot, and I quickly found Jerrod’s Rolls Royce. I said a silent prayer, asking God to allow me to be on my best behavior tonight, and I quickly got out of the car. I helped Jada out of her booster seat while Journey helped Jaden, and in no time, we were walking into the five-star restaurant. I quickly let the hostess up front know that our party was already there, and she showed us to the back.
First thing that I noticed when we made it to the table was that Jerrod’s brothers, Raymond and Elvan were there. I didn’t think that they would come, especially since they no longer stayed in Miami, and we were celebrating their mom’s birthday in the middle of the week, but there they were. Raymond sat next to his beautiful wife and their two sons while Elvan was there alone, which wasn’t shocking since he was a single man.
“Aww, look who made it. Don’t you all look so beautiful,” Jerrod’s phony ass mother said as she stood up from her chair to come over and give us all hugs.
I could feel eyes on me, and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that Jerrod was staring. Hell, I’d be staring at me too if I saw me walk in the building looking this damn good. I wanted this man to see just what the hell he’d given up, so I’d dressed in a red, silk spaghetti strapped blouse, which exposed my entire back. I wore skin tight, high waist jeans that made me look like I had a little booty on me, and I paired the outfit with a pair of nude colored Christian Louboutin heels. I’d been flat ironing my hair too much these days, so tonight I went back to my natural roots and was wearing my hair in its curly state. I only applied a little bit of makeup to my face, and before I left, I took a picture in the full length mirror of my bedroom and sent it to Za’Kai. When his response was, don’t get fucked up, that was all I needed to hear to know that I looked damn good tonight.
I knew Jerrod was pissed! I had pushed out three fuckin kids for his ass, yet I managed to look the same way that I did when we first met. He had to be the silly fool that Teddy Pendergrass was talking about in his song. The whole town is laughing at me!
“Takari, baby, I thought you and I had a discussion about this. You said that
