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“Charlie, fuck is you talking about? I haven’t had no other bitch up in here so I don’t know who shit that is. Did you forget that Monae’s ass sleeps here every once in a while, so it’s probably her shit,” Jaquan said and I knew his ass was lying.
“What reason would Monae have to leave her bra and panties in here when she got her own fuckin room? Don’t fuckin lie to me, Jaquan. Tell me the damn truth! Was there a bitch in here?” I asked, this time getting my ass in his face. I didn’t care how much bigger he was than me, I wanted him to feel me and know that if he lied to me, I was going to punch him right in his shit.
“It was a bitch in here, but I promise I didn’t fuck her. She did suck my dick though,” Jaquan said and then went and closed the room’s door because he knew that I was about to use all type of words that my daughter didn’t need to hear.
“You know what, Jaquan? Fuck you! If you wasn’t ready to commit to a relationship, why the fuck would you lead me on like that? You should have never fucked me in the first place if you knew you wasn’t ready to be faithful!” I screamed at him.
“Charlie, I said the bitch sucked my dick! You act like I just stood here and told you that I fucked her or some shit like that! Come on now, you tripping for no reason at all,” Jaquan said and then reached his hand out to touch me but I pushed him away.
“Don’t fuckin touch me! I’m leaving, too,” I said, walking over to the side of the bed so that I could throw my shoes back on. Yes, indeed, I was feeling very salty right now and I was for damn sure in my damn feelings.
“Charlie, you acting like a little ass girl right now. Sit the fuck down somewhere because you not leaving this damn house. I’ll admit, I fucked up and the shit won’t happen again,” Jaquan said but I already knew that he was lying.
“You only saying that because you got caught. If I never came over here then I never would have known!” I said, flopping down on the bed.
“Charlie, you gone have to calm down. Like I told you before, anything I do I’m not doing it to intentionally hurt you. I’m a man. How would you have felt if I hit you up at 2 in the morning and told you to come over to suck my dick because that’s all the bitch did! I got too much respect for you to do some disrespectful shit like that to you,” Jaquan said, getting on his knees and kneeling down in front of me.
“So if she only sucked your dick, then why the bitch bra and shit was off?” I asked, wanting to know what bullshit answer he was about to come up with.
“You already know I’m a nasty ass nigga. I want to see nothing but titties and pussy when I’m getting my dick sucked. You of all people should know that, I taught you that shit,” Jaquan said and I looked at him long and hard before pushing him off of me.
“Whatever you say, Jaquan. Just know I don’t believe you,” I said, heading back into the bathroom so that I could take my damn shower.
“I’m telling your ass the truth, girl, so take that shit or leave it,” he said and I nodded my head and closed the bathroom door in his face.
I started the water, making sure that it was scorching hot before stripping out of my clothes and laying them on the counter. I went through all the drawers and when I found a scrunchie, I pulled my long hair up into a high bun. I took a towel and wash cloth out of the closet inside the bathroom and stepped inside the shower with the washcloth, leaving the towel on the sink. As soon as I was inside the shower and in the presence of myself, the water works started. If anything, I was hurt and confused. I didn’t know whether or not I believed what Jaquan was saying and I didn’t want to be one of those damn girlfriends that was the talk of the town because her rapper boyfriend was constantly cheating on her. Take Karrueche Tran for example. When she was with Chris Brown, she took him back after everything that he had done to her. I personally think she came across as weak and I didn’t want to be that girl. The ultimate no-no was when he had a baby on her. I didn’t want Jaquan to have done something so bad that he ended up losing me over it. But again, I wasn’t going to be a dumb bitch either and have him to continually disrespect me and hurt me as well. I felt like this event that had just taken place was only the beginning and I had to sit down and ask myself if I was really ready to become a rappers girlfriend. I knew Jaquan loved me but I also knew that Jaquan had what it took to hurt me as well.
Chapter 10: Monae
“Monae, I’m sick of keeping this shit a damn secret! I’m a grown ass man and I got to hide the fact that I’m in a relationship with my best friend’s little sister! How the fuck you think this shit make me feel? You stay screaming you grown and whatnot, but you scared to tell Quan about us! You act like that nigga gone beat you or something,” Quay barked at me.
It was 8 o’clock at night and I was sitting inside of Quay’s red Camaro outside of my mother’s house. Here’s the thing. Quay and I had been fuckin around for about a year and a half now and nobody knew, not even my damn two best friends in the whole wide world. Hell, not even my mom knew about Quay and I. Now the reason I didn’t tell Charlie was because her ass couldn’t hold water and I knew that any chance she got, she would run and tell my brother. I couldn’t tell Toya because Toya would tell Charlie and then Jaquan would find out.
Jaquan had already put the memo out that I was off limits to any of his homeboys. Matter of fact, in Jaquan’s eyes, I was off limits to any and every boy. Jaquan treated me more like his damn daughter than his little sister. I really didn’t see why Jaquan would have a problem with the fact that I was dating Quay. I mean, damn, the whole family knew him and plus, I would always be in good hands around him. Everybody thought that Quay and I had this whole brother-sister thing going on, which is why we were able to pull this off without raising any eyebrows. I had known Quay pretty much my whole life because he and Jaquan damn near grew up together; but at that time, Quay would look at me as just his little sister. I always had the biggest crush on him but the simple fact that he was five years older than me would be a problem in my brother’s eyes. If you real
ly think about it, he had no room to judge me because he’s three years older than Charlie. I say this now, but I’d never find the balls to say this to Jaquan’s face.
Over the years, while I was in high school, I would admit my attraction to Quay every chance that I got and he would be the one telling me that we couldn’t do anything about it because of Jaquan. Now, years later, here it is, me being the one trying to put our relationship on pause because of my brother/daddy. I loved Quay, I really did, but it wasn’t worth me losing a relationship with my brother over. At the end of the day, blood is thicker than water and I would never put anybody else before my family, I don’t care how good the dick was and believe me, the dick was good even though it’s the only dick I’d ever had. Along with my mind and soul, I gave Quay my body a year ago and it was the best thing that I’d ever done. My friends and mom were under the impression that I was a goody two shoes but little did they know, I was throwing it back at this man every chance I got.
“Quay, I’m not saying he gone beat me; all I’m saying is that I’m scared of the possible outcome. I know that this is going to stir up a lot a lot drama between you and him and I don’t want that to happen at all. Quay, baby, I love you. Just please give me some time,” I said, trying to reach over and climb into his lap but he stopped me.
“Time? Monae, I done gave your ass almost two years’ worth of time! How the fuck you think I feel when we be around your brother and I got to act like you my little sister, knowing in my head that I’m fuckin the shit out of you on a daily basis?” Quay barked at me. I looked at him and rolled my eyes because I didn’t like that he had said that. “Monae, you got a week to tell your brother what’s up or I promise, I’m going to stop fuckin with you! I’m grown, baby girl. All that running around, hiding and shit like I’m ducking the cops ain’t for me. Handle your business Monae or we done,” Quay said, starting the car up and basically telling me to get the fuck out.
It felt like my ass was glued to the seat and I couldn’t move. My mouth was dry and I could feel the tears starting to drip from my eyes. Did this man really threaten to leave me if I didn’t tell Jaquan about us within a week? I would lose my mind if Quay left me, but then again, I couldn’t tell my brother, so I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
“Monae, get out. I got somewhere to be!” Quay said, not even looking at me.
“Well, what about Friday? Did you still want me to go with you to the party?” I asked, wiping my tears away.
“I really don’t give a fuck, Monae. You really just pissed me off and then you siting here crying like a damn two-year-old. You would think that if you loved me like you say you do, then you would jump at the opportunity of telling your brother, being as though I just gave your ass an ultimatum but not once did I hear your ass say you’ll do it. Monae, get out before I hurt your fuckin feelings, girl,” Quay told me, finally looking at me and through his hazel eyes, I could tell that he was pissed but I also was able to conclude that he was hurt as well.
I nodded my head and wiped my tears away with my shirt before getting out of his car. As soon as I closed his door, I watched him take off like a bat out of hell. I went back inside the house and closed and locked the door and then activated the alarm. I was home alone right now because my mom had gone to the casino with her friends.
Yes, I was 20 years old and I still stayed at home with my mother but trust me, I had plenty of other options. I just didn’t want to leave my mom by herself was the excuse I told everybody, when honestly, I was just too spoiled by my mom to leave. Leave it up to me, if I were to get my own apartment, I would eat out every night, which would cause me to gain weight, or I would come by my mom’s house every night for dinner because I couldn’t cook for shit. So, I didn’t see the purpose of me moving out. I had the funds to move into my own apartment or condo, I just didn’t want to. Shit, my mom didn’t even want me to move out because just like Jaquan, she swore that I was still a little girl and then she and Jaquan liked to get mad at me and call me spoiled, but hell, it was their fault in the first place.
I was attending Broward College, majoring in psychology but truth be told, school just wasn’t my thing. I was only doing it to make my mother happy. College just wasn’t for everybody and I was one of those people who it wasn’t for. I felt like you didn’t have to go to college in order to be successful. Look at my damn brother for example; he was a damn millionaire with only a high school diploma to show for it. And then there’s Charlie who had her own store and was successful as well and currently trying to open up another space as well. Just like Jaquan, all she had is a high school diploma. On the opposing side, there was Toya who had her Master’s in business administration and currently worked as a buyer’s agent but she was just as successful as Charlie and Jaquan was the point that I’m trying to make. But in the meantime, I was going to continue taking my ass to school because I didn’t have a plan B.
I made my way into my room and closed and locked the door, flopping down on my queen sized bed. I was so confused right now. I only had a week left to make a very important decision. Times like this were when I wanted to call my girls for advice but then I would have to end up telling them about Quay and me. And then I had to think on whether or not I wanted to go to this party with Quay on Friday because from the looks of things, he didn’t want my ass there. The party was for their homebody Dre. I guess they were having some sort of welcome home celebration for him for being home from prison. I remember Dre from back in the days and that nigga was fine as hell but I wasn’t even checking for him like that. The only man I was checking for was Jaquavious Kamar Wright. After wrecking my brain with the constant back and forth, I decided to call my girls and tell them because I knew that no matter what, they would always give it real with me, no matter if I liked their answer or not. I picked up my iPhone from my dresser and sent Quay a message telling him I loved him before exiting out and calling Toya. I knew Quay wasn’t going to respond to that message so my feelings weren’t going to be hurt when didn’t receive a message back from him.
