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This dirty ass motha fucka! Let me explain something to y’all for those of you who might be just a little confused. I knew Jaquan like the back of my hand, and that night that I went and picked his ass up from the studio and he was drunk as hell, I knew it was because of something that was major and stressing him. Jaquan drinks some of the time, but he only drinks himself to the point where he can’t handle his liquor when his back is against the wall. I knew it was bullshit that he was feeding me when he told me that he was stressing about dropping his new mixtape, but I still let it go and didn’t question him about it again. This is why his ass married me! He knew that if I had found out about Chantel while we were just “boyfriend and girlfriend,” that I would easily walk away, so this nigga decided to do the fuckin’ unthinkable and married me so that I wouldn’t leave him. Ain’t this some shit!
I heard the water go off in the bathroom. Fuck the calm before the storm because I was about to go the fuck off on his ass. A few seconds later, Jaquan walked out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around his waist.
“What’s good, bae? When you get here?” he asked like everything was so fuckin’ good between the two of us.
How could this nigga sleep at night knowing he has shit lurking in the shadows behind his ass? Did the nigga not have a conscience or some shit? How could he possibly tell me that he loves me, but go around hiding the fact that he has a baby on the way from me?
“You must think I’m real fuckin’ stupid, huh? I literally have to be just the dumbest bitch that you’ve ever met in your fuckin’ life, right?” I asked him, voice calm and all.
“Fuck is you talking about, Charlie? And why the fuck you have my phone? We going through each other’s phones and shit now?” He had the nerve to have a damn attitude.
He tried to grab the phone, but I quickly threw the shit with all of my might, making the screen shatter instantly. He looked at me with murder in his eyes. “I swear to God if your ass wasn’t pregnant right now, I would slap the shit out of your ass! I ain’t never laid a finger on you, but I promise to God, you would have been calling your mama on me today because God knows I would have had your ass on this floor crying!” he barked at me.
“Fuck you, Jaquan, you liar! Let me ask you something why the fuck did you marry me? When we were younger, we always talked about having a big ass wedding, so why all of a sudden you have a change of heart? Why did you rush for us to get married in Vegas? Answer me, nigga!” I screamed at him, with tears running down my face.
I wasn’t crying due to the fact that I was sad or no shit like that, I was crying because I was fuckin’ livid with this nigga! I swear this was the fuckin’ straw that broke the damn camel’s back.
“How about because I love your dumb ass! Charlie, I told you we were going to have a big wedding, so what the fuck are you talking about? You knew as well as I knew that I was tired of going around labeling you as just my baby mama. I felt like you deserved more than that, and I was ready to call you my wife. I would think that your ass would appreciate that shit, but clearly your unappreciative ass don’t!” he fussed at me.
“You’re a fuckin’ liar, Jaquan, and I hate you so much right now for continuing to lie in my face. You make me feel like I’m not shit to you because you’re continuing the damn lie! When the fuck was you going to tell me that Chantel was pregnant? Huh? Were you going to just bring the fuckin’ baby home after she gave birth, with hopes of me just accepting that shit? Jaquan, do you know who the fuck you’re dealing with right now? Remember, can’t nothing that we signed be unsigned, nigga!”
I was about to walk out of the room, but he grabbed my arm.
“Fuck is that supposed to mean?” he asked.
I could see fear in his eyes, mixed with anger. Fear because I could tell that at this very moment, he felt defeated, and he was scared of possibly losing me. Anger because his secret was out, and I wasn’t in the dark anymore about his fuckin’ secret.
“It means that just because we’re married doesn’t mean that can’t get a divorce! Let’s be real here, the only reason why you even decided to marry me so quickly was due to the fact that you knew in your heart that I would have left your ass once your secret was out. You knew, Jaquan, and because of that, I fuckin’ hate your ass! And I regret marrying you!” I said.
“You don’t mean that, Charlie, so chill and stop making me out to be some nigga that did some shit out of spite. I’ll admit to the shit, though. I love your ass way too much to ever lose you, so if I had to do some shit that would keep us together, then so be it! Charlie, I know you and I know that had I told you about the message that Chantel sent me, you would have left my ass. I didn’t want that, so I did the selfish thing and I decided to make you my wife. But baby, that’s only a tenth of the reason I did it. I love you, man, it’s no other way to say it, and that’s the reason I put this damn rock on your finger.” He lifted my hand up, so the ring was in my face.
“You know what hurts me the most right now, Jaquan? The day you proposed to me in the club, damn near in front of the whole world because everybody was recording the shit. You made me feel like the luckiest woman in the world. You made me feel good about myself because I felt like I did the unthinkable and got married to a thug ass rapper. I felt like you were turning in your player’s card for me! You were willing to do right by me, and seeing you standing up on that stage that night, I dreamed of shit like that.
“I dreamed of you telling everybody how you felt about me, and I always hoped that you would propose to me in front of a big crowd. But you know what? All of that was for nothing because it was all fake! You did it for the benefit of yourself, always looking out for your ass, fuck everybody else,” I vented.
The tears that were falling now were tears of hurt, humiliation, and embarrassment.
“Baby, it was real! Come on now,” he tried to plead.
“It wasn’t, Jaquan, and you know it.”
And with that, I walked away. I went back downstairs and put my shoes back on my feet. Removing my ring, I placed it on the island in the kitchen. I really don’t know what that meant, but I knew that I was wearing 18K of a fuckin’ lie.
Chapter 13: Monae
It was three in the morning, and I was at my mama’s house and I couldn’t sleep for shit. It’s like I woke up in the middle of the night and God told me that Quay was out doing some shit that he wasn’t supposed to be doing. I know they say God works in mysterious ways, but damn, I didn’t think it was to the point where I would wake up out of my sleep and think that he was up to something.
The way my mind was working right now, there was no possible way that I would be able to go back to sleep. I jumped out of the bed and took a quick shower. When I finished, I brushed my teeth and took the scarf off my head and let my hair fall down. I quickly gave myself a part down the middle and walked back into my room. I threw on a pair of black tights from Pink and a pink and black sweater from Pink as well.
I went into my closet and threw on my Uggs and grabbed my purse. I creeped down the hall to my mother’s room but she was knocked out, so I silently closed the door behind me. I deactivated the alarm and made my way outside to my BMW.
I pushed 80 mph all the way to Quay’s house. I don’t know what the fuck I was looking for, but I was for damn sure going to find it. It’s crazy because at this point, I didn’t even know whether Quay was my man, but I guess tonight I would find out.
Twenty minutes later, I pulled up to Quay’s house, and lucky for him, there weren’t any other cars in the driveway. I parked my car and got out. I knew Quay was home because all of his cars were out front, and I also knew that he was most likely sleeping because all the lights in the house were out. I jogged up to the doorstep and rang the doorbell. After I waited for a minute and there weren’t any signs of him coming to the door, I knocked very loudly.
“Quay, open up the door! I know you hear me,” I said, loud but not loud enough to the point where neighbors and shit were going to be woken up
out of their sleep.
