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I decided to give my mother a call. My mom and I weren’t very close at all. When I was in high school, I pretty much felt like I could do what the fuck I wanted to. I was going with Tyrone, and my mother didn’t really approve of him because at the time he was a dope boy. My mama couldn’t stand Tyrone’s ass for shit. I don’t know why, because she never even took the time out to try and get to know him; she just automatically assumed that he wasn’t any good for me. At the time, I’ll admit he wasn’t any good. That boy had me skipping school, fighting numerous amounts of bitches over him, and missing my damn curfew.
Boy, did I give my mama hell when I was growing up. I hope that shit don’t backfire on my ass though when I have my baby. Lord knows I would lose my mind if my child caused me half the problems that I caused my mom when I was young. Eventually one day, she told me if I didn’t stop messing around with him that I had to get out of her house. And what the fuck do y’all think I did? I fuckin left! Tyrone already had his own apartment, so I pretty much just moved in with him. I wasn’t about to let my mom dictate my life because she didn’t approve of my boyfriend. I was barely living with her anyways because I would always sleep over at Tyrone’s house; the only time I would even come home was to get more clothes and shit like that. Since then, things between my mom and I weren’t the same. We talked every once in a while, but it always felt phony so for a while I just stopped calling. If I did call, it was mainly on the holidays or for her birthday. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mama with everything that beats in me, her ass just so fuckin mean!
I got out of the tub and proceeded to let the water out. Once I made it inside my room, I dried off and threw on my oversized tee shirt from Pink that said, “I only sleep in pink.” I walked over to my dresser to give my mom a call. I sat on the bed and waited for her to answer. I had a few questions that I wanted to ask her and since I’m grown now, I hope that she would give me some honest answers, or else I was going to be hanging up on her ass.
“Hello,” she answered, sounding fully awake even though it was well after 10 p.m. Knowing my mama, she was probably up reading. Growing up, my mom loved to read; she would be up at midnight still reading.
“Hey mom,” I said dryly. I wasn’t trying to be rude or anything, I just didn’t feel like we had that mother-daughter connection anymore. That shit went out the window the night she gave me the ultimatum to choose between her and Ty.
“Hey Lani, how are you doing?” she asked, making small talk.
“I’m fine,” I got right to the point. “Hey ma, do you know if my dad ever had any other kids?” I asked curiously.
There was a long pause and then she began. I hope that pause wasn’t for her to think of a good ass lie, but I hope it was for her to get ready and tell me the truth. Didn’t she think I suffered enough growing up? I don’t care what nobody say, every girls longs to have a father in their life. The family isn’t complete without your dad being there.
“When your father and I got together, he was already married and had a family of his own. I never knew any of that until I told him that I was pregnant with you. He told me nothing or no one would be the reason for him to lose his family. He gave me money for an abortion and all. He told me about his wife and his little girl. I believe she was five years old at the time. That was the last I’ve heard from your father since,” my mom finished.
“So, remember when you told me that he left you to be with his family–that was all a lie? You guys were never really together?” I asked, lying down on the bed.
“No Ka’lani, we were never together. Like I said, I didn’t know about his family until after I told him that I was pregnant. We met at some hole in the wall and immediately I was intrigued with him. He came off as a perfect gentlemen but what stood out to me was the fact that he didn’t have a ring on his finger. That same night, we went to a hotel, had sex and that’s how I got pregnant with you. I was embarrassed, okay? That’s why I lied to you so many years and told you that he was dead,” my mom said, and I could hear her crying. I didn’t know what the hell to say, so I just stayed there with the phone still glued to my ear, listening to my mother cry.
?
?Ka’lani, you want to know why I was so hard on you when you were young and dating Tyrone?” she asked me after she finished crying.
“Yeah ma, I wanna know,” I said, genuinely concerned. I always felt like it was a reason behind her madness because like I said, she didn’t even know Ty. She wouldn’t even give him a chance.
“Because I didn’t want to see you hurt baby, that’s all. I didn’t want you to have to go through what I went through with your father. I wanted better for you Ka’lani, but I guess by me being so hard on you, turned you away from me. Ka’lani, I want you to know that I love you, always have and always will,” she told me.
“Ma, I know and I love you too. I was young at the time and I just needed time growing up. I won’t sit here and say that Tyrone hasn’t hurt me over the years, because he has. But ma, that’s a part of life, you can’t protect me from everything. You got to let me make mistakes so that I can learn from them, even if you got to tell me I told you so in the end,” I told my mom truthfully.
I wiped the tears that had begun to fall from my eyes. It pained me that my own father didn’t want anything to do with me, I’m not gon’ even lie. My mother would tell me when I was a little girl that my dad had died, and now I kind of wished the shit was true right. Any motha fucka that couldn’t be a fuckin man and be there to help support his kids deserved to fuckin die. You were man enough to lay down and make a baby, but you weren’t man enough to help raise it! My mama didn’t put no fuckin gun to his head and tell him to sleep with her! That was his fuckin choice!
“What made you call and ask me that Lani? I was just under the impression that you didn’t care that much,” my mom said after a long silence.
“No particular reason,” I said, lying through clenched teeth.
“Well, if you want to know, your father’s name is Phillip Hudson,” she told me.
“Alright mom, thank you. And I would like to put the past behind us now. I want to build a stronger relationship with you. I want to be able to talk to you every day, not just every other blue moon. Besides, you’re going to be a grandmother soon” I smiled, rubbing my belly.
“Get out of here!” my mom screamed excitedly, and I couldn’t do anything but laugh.
“Yes mom, I’m five months,” I told her.
“Congrats baby. I can’t wait. Call me tomorrow and we can try and schedule something for us to meet up for lunch or something,” she let me know.
“Okay ma, I love you,” I said, smiling.
“I love you to Ka’lani,” she told me, and we hung up after that.
Never knew how much I missed my mother up until now. I guess I had gotten so used to the fact that our relationship was never going to get better that I just stopped calling. I’m glad that we had this talk though, because I feel like if anything that this was going to bring us closer. The brighter part to this whole story was at least my child would have the chance of having both parents being a part of his or her life, as well as his or her grandmother. I didn’t want to find out the sex of the baby yet; I wanted it to be a surprise.
I laid down in bed watching Bad Girls Club. All of a sudden, a thought ran across my mind and I wondered if my dad had a Facebook account. I jumped up off my bed and headed into my closet to get my laptop. I signed in to Facebook and typed in the search bar “Phillip Hudson.” There were a couple of Phillip’s on there, so I had to keep looking. I came across a man the same caramel complexion as mine with the same exact eye color. And let’s not forget that one deep ass dimple! I could see why my mom was attracted to him, because he was a very handsome man. He looked to be in his late forties but he could pass for 30. His body was ripped and he looked like he stayed in the gym on a daily bases. I went through all of his photo albums on his page and I still wasn’t seeing any sign of Symone. It wasn’t until I went to his “Family” album that I saw a picture of Symone that said “My baby girl on her 29th birthday.” I noticed that he posted that picture a year ago. Wow!
I couldn’t believe this shit. This hoe was my fuckin sister! Lord please give a bitch strength! What’s crazy is if Tisha ass had never said anything about it, I would have never known because I would have never said that Symone looked like me. Sister or not, I would still beat that ass if she gets too close to my man!
Chapter 8: Symone
