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“When your mom and I hooked up baby girl, that’s all it was, we hooked up. I met her one night at the bar, we went to a local hotel and we had sex. I never told her that I was married and had a family of my own. I didn’t feel the need to. I just knew what we did that night was going to be a one-time thing. I was going through problems with my relationship at home, so I pretty much went to the bar looking for something. For what? I don’t know. When your mom told me she was pregnant with you, I told her straight up to get an abortion. I then told her about my wife and Symone. She told me she was going to keep the baby. I regret every day of my life not being a man and stepping up and being a father to you. When you were maybe ten years old, I saw your mom in the grocery store. I begged her to let me be a part of your life, but she basically told me fuck me. She told you that she’d been telling you that I was dead for this long and she wanted to keep it that way” he said sincerely and for some reason, I believed him because how else would he have known about my mon telling me that he was dead?
“After that, I never seen or spoke to Sharon since. And as far as you saying you or your mother not being good enough, that’s not the case at all. I was selfish and all I can say is I’m sorry, I really am,” he said.
I just sat there looking at him. I couldn’t believe after all these years, I was finally sitting down face to face with my father. I sat there wiping the tears from my eyes. This was all too much for me right now. Literally, I was at a loss for words and that’s strange because I always had some shit to say. Growing up, this was all I wanted. Just to have my daddy. It got to the point where I started compromising with God, telling him I would be fine with just seeing him once a week. I just wanted to have him in my life, that’s all.
“Tiny, you okay?” Tisha asked, coming behind me and rubbing my back.
I shook my head yes and stood up to leave. Before I left, Phillip wrote his number down on a napkin and handed it over to me. I was contemplating on throwing the shit in the garbage, but I figured what would that solve? A part of me felt like it was too late for me to even have a relationship with him. I felt like he had already missed out on so much of my life already. In all actuality, we were strangers to each other, even if we did share the same DNA.
“I know it’s going to take some time, but please call me whenever you get a chance. I would love to be a part of your life and my grandson or granddaughter’s life,” he said, pointing at my pregnant belly.
I didn’t even say anything, I just took the napkin and put it inside of my back pocket. When I got back to the table, the girls had already ate and paid for the food. They wrapped my food up and I took it to go.
“Y’all just meet me at my house, so I can tell everybody what’s going on at the same time. I would hate to have to tell this story more than once,” I said as soon as we got in the parking lot.
We all got in our vehicles and headed over to my house. Either way, I would have to tell it more than once, because I had to tell my husband about what happened.
As soon as everybody got to my house, we all gathered around in the den area to prepare ourselves for what I was getting ready to say. I was sitting on the big La- Z-Boy couch with Tisha. Tamika and Kyla were sitting on the couch opposite from us, and Kyla was holding the baby. I began with my story.
“Alright y’all, so for as long as I can remember, my mom would always tell me that my father had died, no explanation on how he died, all I knew was that the man was dead. I never really started questioning my mom about his absence until I was in the first grade. She told me what happened and that was that, never brought it back up again. Years later, when I turned 15 is when I started to think my mom was lying about that shit, so I questioned her about it and finally she told me the real damn story. Come to find out, my dad was married already and had a daughter, which is Symone,” I told them. Only person that knew about that was Tisha. All Tamika and Kyla knew was that my father was dead, which clearly isn’t true.
“When she told him that she was pregnant with me is when he decided to tell her about his wife and his daughter. So pretty much, he told my mom to get an abortion. She told him she wasn’t going to do that, so he left. He basically said fuck me and my mom. After she told me that, I never in my life asked about him again until a few weeks back when this bitch,” I pointed at Tisha, “said I looked like Symone when she walked in the salon.”
“So that night, I called my mom and she went ahead and told me that he did have a daughter but she didn’t know her name. She did tell me though that my father’s name was Philip Hudson though. So, I got on Facebook that night and searched for him. That’s when I came across a picture of Symone on his profile. It only confirmed what I already knew though,” I said finally.
We just sat there for a while and let everything sink in. Before I knew it, I started crying.
“All I wanted to know was why he couldn’t be a man and take care of his responsibilities. My whole life, I would dream about what it would feel like to have my dad. And for him to sit there and say he didn’t want to ruin his marriage because of me makes me fuckin hate him,” I bawled.
“Lani, calm down. At the end of the day, that’s his loss. You did a good job without him. You’re beautiful, smart, and you’re only 24 years old and you own your own hair salon,” Tisha said, crying as well.
By this time, I had made everybody in the room sad, dripping with tears. Even Harmony was crying, but that’s only because she saw Tisha crying. Tisha went over and got Harmony from Kyla and sat on the other couch with her.
“So, the number that he gave you, are you going to call him?” Tamika asked.
“Honestly Meek, I don’t know. I would like for my child to know their grandfather, but as of now my answer is no,” I said stubbornly.
We all sat around the house for the next few hours just talking and watching TV. Around 5 p.m. is when everybody left. I went upstairs to my room and took a much needed nap. I had so many thoughts running through my head. It’s like this is the one thing that I begged God for damn near my entire life, and now that I have it, I don’t even know if I still want it. I just honestly felt like it was too late. I ended up crying myself to sleep.
Chapter 10: Tyrone
I was on my way home from a day of playing basketball with my niggas. It was 7 p.m. n
ow, and we were out there playing since 3 this afternoon. I hadn’t heard from my wife since this morning, so I had a feeling she was sleep. If dinner wasn’t made when I got home, I’m sorry to say but I was going to be waking her ass up. A nigga was hungry as fuck.
I pulled up to the house and I spotted my wife’s car in the driveway. When I walked in the house, all the lights downstairs were off. I took the stairs two at a time and that’s when I spotted my wife in our bedroom, knocked out without a care in the world. She was sleeping so peacefully. Too bad, she was about to get her ass up out that bed and make her nigga some dinner.
“Baby wake up,” I said, shaking her shoulder.
She didn’t stir, she just laid there snoring lightly. I put my gym bag in the closet and attempted to wake her up again.
“Tiny wake yo ass up, I know you hear me,” I said, laughing because she know damn well she heard me now with all that noise I was making in there. Plus Ka’lani was a light sleeper, so I’m pretty sure she heard my ass when I came through the damn door.
“Tyyy move, you see me sleep,” she moaned, turning her back to me.
“I’m hungry baby, you ain’t gon’ fix your husband nothing to eat?” I asked her.
After a few minutes, she finally sat up in the bed with that sleepy look on her face. Her eyes were puffy, and it looked like she was crying before she went to sleep. I don’t know what for, but I was going to find out by the end of the night.
