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I ended the call and said a quick prayer to God that my baby was going to be okay. I walked out of my office and went out front to let Melanie know that I was leaving for the rest of the day. When I got to my car, I quickly dialed Dontae’s number.
“What’s up lil mama?” he said answering the phone.
“Baby, I’m on the way to the doctor’s office right now. I think something maybe wrong with the baby,” I cried into the phone. I wasn’t able to hold it in any longer. I mean, something had to have happened or else I wouldn’t have been bleeding.
“Breesha calm down. Which doctor are you going to?” he asked me.
“The one on the 5th floor at Memorial west,” I said.
“Alright baby, I’ll be there in a few. Everything is going to be okay,” he assured me.
Thirty minutes later, I was pulling into the parking garage of the hospital. When I got into the lobby, I spotted Dontae already siting down in the corner. I ran into his arms and hugged him for dear life. I felt like whatever news that I was about to get, I wasn’t going to like it. I could just feel it now.
“Come on baby, let’s just go see what’s going on,” he said, pulling me in front of him.
We took the elevator up to the 5th floor in complete silence. No words were spoken between the two of us. It was like, I knew somethingbad was going to happen, that’s why I couldn’t fix my mouth to say anything positive. I walked up to the front desk and gave the nurse my name. Ten minutes later, they were calling me to the back. I was told to lay down until the doctor came. We waited for another thirty minutes until Dr. Lee finally made her way into the room. Imani had referred me to her, and she was the best.
“Okay Ms. Thomas, I was told from one of my nurses that you were having some bleeding,” the doctor said as she took her seat in her chair.
“Yes, I went to go use the restroom and I noticed that there was blood on the tissue,” I informed her.
“Okay, let’s just take a look here,” she said waving two nurses over and propping my legs up.
I watched on as the doctor’s face had basically answered all of my suspicions. I didn’t know what was going on right now, but I could tell that it wasn’t going to be good news. I could look at the looks of sympathy that were plastered on their faces, and I could tell that they were about to drop a serious bomb on me. They hadn’t even told me the news yet, but I already had tears falling from out of my eyes. Dontae stood next to me the entire time, holding onto my hand and wiping the tears from my face. He was no longer saying that everything was alright, so that left me no choice but to believe that something was indeed wrong after all.
2 hours later
I was laid up in a hospital bed on the labor and delivery floor of the hospital. I wasn’t cooperating with none of the nurses. I almost slapped the shit out of one nurse when she tried to stick the IV in my arm. Looking around me, I saw that Mani, Nae, Imani’s mom and grandmother, Dontae, and April were all sitting in the room. Everybody was sporting a blank expression on their face, like they knew something that I didn’t. Since being transported to this side of the hospital, I had closed my eyes for a little bit, so I don’t know if the nurse might have come in and said some things while I was asleep. I swear, this was the most religious that I had ever been in my entire life. Every five minutes, I was praying that God would watch and protect my baby.
“What’s going on?” I asked them.
“Breesha, we just waiting for the doctor to come so that we can see what the hell is going on,” Dontae told me.
Both Imani and Nae got up from their spot on the couch and walked over to me to hug me and kiss my forehead. A tear fell from my eyes, but I quickly wiped it away. Hours went by and my doctor didn’t come until about 7 that night.
“Okay Ms. Breesha, I have some bad news and I really hate to be the one to tell you this,” she said, walking over to me and rubbing my hand that I had resting on my stomach.
Dontae walked over to me and held my other hand, “What’s it gonna be doc?” he asked her.
“Okay, when you came earlier this morning, we were able to see that your cervix was wide open. You know your cervix isn’t supposed to open until it’s time for you to go into labor. You’re only 26 weeks and it’s too soon. I was hoping that we could put the stent in place, but 99% it won’t even work,” she continued to ramble on, but at the time I had already tuned her out. The only thing running through my mind right now was the fact that I was right the whole time. I had lost my baby.
I was in a state of shock right now. I didn’t even want to go through with getting the stent placed in, since the doctor wouldn’t recommend it and I didn’t want to do anything that could possibly kill myself.
“So what do we do?” I cried, looking at her and hoping she could possibly give some words of encouragement.
“There’s a pill called Mifepristone, which will terminate the pregnancy. You take the pill and we wait. The baby can come out tonight or in the morning–we don’t know; we just have to wait and see. It’s going to be like a regular birth, you will be required to push and everything, except that the baby will not be alive. Again Ms. Thomas, with deepest sympathy I am so sorry,” the doctor told us.
“Doc, just give us a minute,” Dontae told her.
“No problem, take your time. I’m just being realistic here. The cervix is already open; it’s already too late. I don’t want to take that risk and something happens to Breesha as well,” the doctor said.
I nodded my head and wiped away at the tears. My aunt, Imani’s mom, came around and we all held hands while she prayed. The whole time she was praying, I was crying. I couldn’t control myself. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I did everything right. I went to all of my appointments, I made sure I was stress free and whenever I felt like I was doing too much, I would sit my ass down. I couldn’t understand why this was happening to me.
“So what’s it’s gonna be?” Tae asked me.
“You heard the doctor. It’s too late. I just have to do what I got to do,” I cried.
The doctor came back in the room, and we told her what it was going to be. She gave me her condolences again, and told me that she would be back so that she could draw up the medicine. I couldn’t get up to pee, so I had to use the tray. While I was peeing, the nurse informed me that my water bag had broken, so even if I had decided to put the stent in, it would have been too late. It wasn’t until 4 o’clock that morning that I was told that the baby was ready to come out. I had to do a little bit of pushing and I thought that I was going to die, because the whole time I pushed, I cried. I wanted to see the baby, but Dontae wouldn’t let me. I watched as the nurse called him over and they went outside. Ten minutes later, he came back into the room and I noticed that this eyes were watery.
