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Storm you can't last
Go away - I command you to move today
Storm - when God speaks;
Storm - you have to cease
That's what I told the storm!
I sat in church and as the choir sang “I Told the Storm” by Greg O’ Quin, it was like a wave of emotions ran over me. I was able to face the fact that this was the end of the road for me. I would literally lay in the bed at night, just waiting on God to take me home to rest. I was tired of fighting. I stopped going to my treatment and I stopped harassing Dontae to let me see my daughter. Since I came back home to Miami and I saw Bria at her birthday party, I never went back to Atlanta. I had a plan and this is what I wanted to do. After service was over, I quickly got up and headed to my car. I sat in the car and cried my eyes out at what I was about to do. I came to church today just to ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness for all of the shit that I’ve done in my life.
I reached inside of my purse and pulled out my phone. Instead of calling Dontae from private, I chose to call him from my number. I knew he wouldn’t answer, but I decided to try my luck anyways. “Yo this is Tae. Leave a message after the beep!” his voice said. I cleared my throat and started.
“Hey Dontae. First off, let me just start by saying I apologize. I’m not going to sit here and say everything that I apologize for because that would take forever and a day. I may not have been the best mother towards Bria but I know for a fact that I loved her. I loved her the best way that I could, being as though I never in my life knew what it meant to actually love someone. The way you treated Bria, I only wish that I had half of your skills when it came to parenting. I’m not going to hold you up or waste any more of your time that I already have. Just let my baby know I love her and I’m sorry. When she grows up and if she ever asks about me, let her know I love her and let her know that I fought so hard to see her one last time. As much as I hate to admit, Breesha was a better mom than I could ever be. Tell her to continue watching over my baby and shelter her from the harms of this world. I signed over my rights to Bria so you guys can go ahead and handle that. She deserves it anyway. Goodbye Dontae. Kiss my baby for her and tell her I love her.” After I finished leaving the message, I pulled the .380 from under my seat.
“God forgive me,” was my prayer before I took the gun and let it go off, killing myself instantly in the church parking lot.
1 year later
Epilogue: Imani
“I’s a married now,” I said in my color purple voice. But all jokes aside, I was now married to the love of my life and life for me couldn’t get any better. Shard and I finally went ahead and eloped in Las Vegas. No, it wasn’t the perfect wedding but trust me, I was planning on having the biggest wedding in Miami in the summer. Shard promised me a big wedding and that’s what we were going to do. I loved my life and all of the people that were in it. Oh yeah, did I mention that this was my last semester in school and that I would be receiving my Bachelor’s degree this
year December? My mom also told me that she had the perfect spot for me to fill out at her school, so everything was looking good on my end. R.J. was getting bigger and badder every day and working my last nerve, along with his daddy. For now, I thought I was done with kids until maybe another two or three years from now. Rashard kept trying to knock me up, but I was sneakily taking birth control pills.
As far as my parents, they were doing great and for once in my life, I could tell that my mom was genuinely happy for me. I noticed that she was letting me live my life now and wasn’t always up my back about something. I was 24 years old now and with that came more maturity. I was learning new things every day and I was just trying to live my life with the ones that I loved and adored. Boy was I glad that I took a chance on love because life with Rashard just got better and better every day. Who would have known that that geeky, U.M. student would have to bust her gun to take out a secret enemy for my husband? Who would have thought that I would have a baby before Breesha? Three years ago, if somebody would have told me where I would be today, I probably would have slapped their ass for lying like that. But peace and blessings to all of you!
Nae
What’s that saying? They say “If you love something, you have to let it go and if it comes back to you at least you will know. But if it never does, at least you will know that it was something you had to go through to grow.” I swear that quote spoke volumes on my entire marriage. There were so many times that I was ready to say fuck it and just throw the towel in dealing with this damn marriage but Sincere and I were able to stick it out. I thought that marriage was going to be easy but it had been everything but that. I knew one thing though; I loved my husband. The last year, Sincere and I endured a lot of hardships, but I was glad that we were able to stick it out and remain lovers and friends.
Oh shit, I forgot to mention that your girl was now officially an RN. Yep, that’s right, I graduated last month and I was hired this month. I tell you one thing; God is good. I got up off my ass and took my behind back to school. Ain’t shit cute about a bitch with no education. Yes, my husband had enough money but I wanted my own and Sincere was able to come to grips with that. I wasn’t a lazy female when he met me and I wasn’t about to start being one. I also forgot to mention that I was expecting! Funny because Sincere swore up and down that he was going to get me pregnant the night of my anniversary because he thought that I had stopped taking my birth control pills. That wasn’t the case at all, I just ended up moving where I would hide them because his ass would always throw them out. But I was only two months and I honestly didn’t want to know what I was having until it was time for me to push.
As far as Sin in I, this was the best that we’d ever been in years. Sincere and I had a bond that nobody on this earth would be able to break. I loved him since I was fourteen and I was going to continue to love him even when we’re old and gray. But that’s enough about me because y’all be quick to say a bitch be bragging. Peace, I love y’all!
Breesha
“Bria, stop bouncing your brother up and down like that. I just fed him and I don’t want him throwing up all over you,” I fussed to my daughter. Yes, you heard me correctly, MY daughter. Bria was now officially mine. Even though biologically I wasn’t her mother, under law and agreements, I was. Yes, it was sad the way things went down with Sharice and I honestly was not expecting for that to happen at all. When Dontae got the voicemail that she left on his phone, we literally heard it at the same time. I watched Dontae’s body language and I could tell that he felt some type of way. Dontae tried to act like nothing bothered him, but I already knew that he was feeling a little sad behind the situation.
What happened to Sharice was all on the news at that time and I would always pray that Bria never came across that while she was watching TV. Bria literally acted like Sharice never existed because I swear that little girl never mentioned her in conversation or anything. I think she got that toughness from her dad to be honest. But on the brighter side, did Imani tell you guys that we went and eloped with her and Shard? I’m sure she didn’t. Honestly that wasn’t even in the list of plans. Dontae and I flew to Vegas with Imani and Shard just to be there as witnesses but next thing I knew, I was saying I do. It was fine because I was going to let Imani have her big wedding first and then I was going to have mine.
I also gave birth to my baby boy, Donate Leon Harris. That little boy was a gift sent from God. Last year, I lost a son and God blessed me with another one. I’d never forget the loss of my first son at all. I talked to him constantly and I knew without a doubt that he was watching over us. As far as me and Dontae went, everything between us was good. If it was possible, I felt like I grow to love him more and more each day. In the future, I could see us having more kids but they way that labor that I had to undergo was set up, I didn’t think it would be happening anytime soon. That’s it for me though. Peace out y’all!
