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Thirty minutes later, I was finally able to finish the application, now all I had to do was get my transcripts when I went back to school on Monday. Now, this was the part where I waited. There was no need for me to stay at the library any longer because I had just about filled out all of the scholarships that I saw on the site. I stood up from the chair and put my book bag on my back and made my way out of the building. After I finished giving my aunt the money, I was going to head over to Tacarra’s to tell her about the good news. I knew she was putting in her application for Bethune Cookman, and I was so proud of her and hoping that she got in. I just hoped that she was just as excited for me as I was for her.
The apartment complex that I lived in with my aunt was only about five minutes away, but I was walking, so it took about fifteen minutes. It was the usual outside for a Saturday morning. Kids riding their bikes, men posted up on the wall smoking weed, and women walking around dressed half naked. I shook my head at the place that I called home and walked into the apartment, using my key. When I got inside, I noticed that there were two big suitcases by the front door. I looked around the room and saw my cousin, Porsha, sitting on the couch like she was about to go somewhere.
“Hey, you’re leaving or something?” I asked as I took my book bag off of my back and placed my key inside it. She looked at me and rolled her eyes. She hated my ass just that much.
‘Yes, Mama’s new boyfriend is about to take us all to Orlando,” she said.
A smile quickly formed on my face because I had never been to Orlando before. I had always seen pictures of the amusement parks, but to actually go there, I was way too excited. Hell, I would be excited just to go down to Deerfield beach because my ass had never stepped foot out of Miami.
“You can wipe that ugly ass smile off your face because you’re not going,” Porsha said with a chuckle.
I didn’t believe her, so I went in the back to find my aunt. I knew they weren’t going to take this trip and just leave me here by myself. I walked the hallway to my aunt’s room and knocked on the door.
‘Who is it?” she barked, causing me to jump at the sound of her voice.
“It’s me,” I said.
A few seconds later, she came and opened the door. She didn’t have the satin cap that she always sported on her head. This time, she had her hair in a wrap and was dressed nicely in a pair of jeans and a shirt. I looked at her with hopeful eyes, praying that what Porsha had just said wasn’t true.
“Where is my damn money?” she asked me.
I reached down in my pocket and handed her the money. I worked at Chic-Fil-A Monday through Friday, from 5 p.m. until 11 p.m. We got paid biweekly, so pretty much every two weeks, I was bringing home to my aunt about four hundred dollar bills. But this week, it was thirty-five dollars short. I watched as she counted the money and then looked down at me with a scowl on her face.
“Where is the rest of the money, little girl?” she asked and I knew that question was coming next.
“I was late the other day to work because the bus didn’t come until two hours later, so I didn’t get paid what I normally do,” I said, hoping it sounded convincing enough to her.
“Yeah, whatever. Your ass lucky I’m in a good mood today, or else I would have beat the fuck out of you for playing with my damn money. Get the hell out of my face before you make me change my damn mind,” she said.
I couldn’t just walk away. I wanted to know whether or not I could go on this trip to Orlando with them.
“Okay, am I going with you guys on the trip too? Because Porsha said that I wasn’t,” I said, twiddling with my fingers.
My aunt looked down at me and laughed, as if I had just told the biggest joke. I cringed because I didn’t know what hateful words were about to come flying out of her mouth.
“And bitch, she was telling the damn truth. My man said that he would take me and my damn kids to Orlando. Not the damn crackhead’s daughter who I had to fuckin’ raise because she couldn’t put the damn crack down. Get the hell out of my face, Antonia, and those crocodile tears aren’t going to change shit. Go sit your ass down somewhere!” she barked and slammed the door in my face.
I turned around and Porsha was standing there cracking up, holding onto her sides from laughing so hard.
“Did you think that I was fuckin’ playing with you?” she asked, still laughing.
I pushed past her and made my way to my room. My little cousins were all excited, jumping up and down on the bed, ready for Orlando. I got in my bed and pulled the covers over my head, silently crying. A few minutes later, I head a car horn blow outside, and that’s when everybody in the house started to hurry up and get ready to leave. I’m guessing that was my aunt’s boyfriend coming to take them to Orlando.
“And you better not have nobody in my fuckin’ house. We’ll be back Wednesday!” my aunt said.
I felt a body come and wrap their small arms around me and kiss my cheek. I knew it was my little cousin, PJ. I sat up in the bed and looked at him, wiping my eyes. I could tell that he was excited for Orlando, but could also see that a part of him felt sorry for me. I didn’t want him to spend his vacation worrying about me, so I had to say something that would get him to forget about me not going.
“Don’t worry about me, PJ, I’ll be okay. You just go to Orlando with your sisters and mom, and enjoy yourself. I’m pretty sure I’ll get to go the next time,” I said, hugging him and then kissing him on the cheek.
“I love you, Tonia,” he said and kissed me back.
“I love you more, now go have fun,” I told him, and he jumped off the bed and left the room.
A few minutes later, I heard he front door close. I jumped out of the bed, looked out the window, and watched as my family climbed into a black Escalade truck. A few tears fell from my eyes when the car pulled away. I just wished that I was able to be in that car with them. I would have felt a little bit better if my aunt had let me go and just made me stay back at the hotel or wherever they would be staying, while they went to the theme parks. This isolation that I was feeling right now, hurt more than any beating or any names that I had been called over the years. This right here really let me know that my aunt really didn’t give a fuck about me.
I closed the blinds and got my key from out of my book bag. I was just going to go and hang with Tacarra for a few and then I would head back home. Lord knows if I stayed in the house all day, I would walk around miserable and crying, and I didn’t want that. After I made sure that the apartment was locked up and everything, I was out the door.
I wanted to make sure that my appearance was somewhat decent when I came around Tacarra, now that I knew that she would put me on blast if I was looking crazy. It wasn’t much because I didn’t have much to choose from, so I had on a pink tank top from Aeropostale and a pair of denim skinny jeans, with a pair of pink sandals. I kept my hair in a long ponytail like how I always wore it and walked.
