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“I mean, she doesn’t do anything to me that she feels like I don’t deserve. Thank you for dinner, Jahiem. I’ll see you around,” she said and quickly jogged off.
I watched her until she disappeared, and then I got back in my car. She didn’t pretty much come right out and answer my question, but I’m pretty sure the answer to my question was a yes.
Chapter 5: Antonia
It was Monday morning and for the first time in years, I wasn’t awakened to water thrown at me or some loud as yelling. Since my aunt wasn’t there, I had to get myself up this morning. I could have easily stayed home and she wouldn’t know whether I had gone to school or not, but I just wasn’t that type of person. I took my education very serious, and I wasn’t about to just sit up in the house all day and do nothing.
After taking my shower and everything, I pulled my hair up into a pony tail. I had managed to keep it straight for the most part, and I’m sure Tacarra would be happy to see that when she saw me today at school.
I finished getting dressed, and once I had my work uniform in my backpack, I was out the door. I walked to school, thinking about the little date that I had the other night with Jahiem. I liked him, but he was way out of my league. The waitress at Red Lobster the other night was beautiful and she was a grown woman, so I couldn’t see what would make him be attracted to a little girl like me.
I could tell that he wanted to know bits and pieces of my life, but I wasn’t ready to indulge in that conversation just yet. He completely caught me off guard when he asked me if I was getting beat at home. I don’t know how the hell he was able to assume that, but I was glad that I answered it the way that I did.
I finally made it into the school building, and like always, I made my way to the cafeteria so that I could get my free breakfast. I didn’t see Tacarra anywhere around, so I went and sat toward the back of the cafeteria by myself. As soon as I started to eat, the first bell rang, so I had to eat the French toast that was in front of me fast as hell. I made it to my first period, which was Advanced Placement English right before the late bell rang. I took my seat in the front of the classroom and waited for class to begin. Out of all of my classes, this one right here was my favorite. I loved writing, and Lord knows with this class we had a damn paper due at least once a week, but I loved every second of it.
“Good morning, class. Today, we are going to finish discussing our topic from last class. Remember, we were on the topic about love,” our teacher, Mrs. Williams said as she stood in front of the classroom.
Mrs. Williams was a pretty, dark skinned lady and she always kept her hair in this natural fro. She was a very smart woman, and I learned a lot by coming to her classroom. But the topic that she had us talking about, I didn’t really know what that meant to me.
“Who wants to give me an example of what love is?” she asked and a few students raised their hands.
“Okay, Christina, go ahead,” she said.
“An example of love would be something that’s unconditional. Meaning, you can’t just stop loving someone for something wrong that they did to you because love doesn’t work like that. If you love that person like you say you do, then it will be an everlasting thing,” Christina said.
“Perfect example. Would anyone else like to share what love means to them?” Mrs. Williams asked. She picked on a student named Lewis, who sat in the back of the classroom.
“Love to me is when I’m playing a basketball game every Friday night, and I look in the crowd and I see my parents in the stands cheering me on. When I see that they are wearing shirts with my number on it and how proud they are of me when we win a game, that’s love. Love is coming home from school and later on that night, being surrounded by my family and we tell each other about our day. That’s what love is to me,” Lewis said.
“Another perfect example. What about you, Ms. Taylor. What does love mean to you?” Mrs. Williams asked as she sat on top of her desk that faced the classroom.
Wow, what the hell did love mean to me? Everybody else was giving out beautiful examples, but I didn’t have one to give.
“I really don’t know what love would mean to me,” I said, honestly.
“Aww, come on, Ms. Taylor. I’m pretty sure you have had some encounters in your life where you could share to the classroom what you think love is,” Ms. Williams said. I wasn’t trying to be difficult at all, but I just had no cute stories to tell.
“I can’t share something to the class that I’m not receiving because then I’d be a liar,” I confessed.
The smile she wore was quickly wiped away from her face. For the remainder of the class, she went around asking people what love meant to them, and in closing, we were asked to write a paper on love. Like really break the word down and explain to her and give examples, which we would have to turn in on Friday. When the bell rang, she dismissed us and we all packed up our bags.
“Wait, Ms. Taylor. Let me have a word with you,” she said.
I fixed my book bag on my shoulders and came over to her desk. Once everybody was out of the classroom, she gave me her undivided attention.
“How come you couldn’t think of just one scenario to share with the class today, Antonia? You’re normally the one student in my class who participates the most. What’s going on?” she asked me. I could detect the concern in her voice.
“Everything is okay with me. Let’s just say that I’m not surrounded by love like the majority of your students are. The only time I ever hear positive things about me is here, when I come to school. I wasn’t trying to be difficult, but like I said, I can’t share something that I’m not receiving
on the regular. But don’t worry, I’m pretty sure between now and Friday, I can probably come up with a time where I experienced love. Hey, it might be right now. You just took the time out to see was everything okay with me. If you ask me, that’s love right there,” I said then turned and walked out of the classroom so that I wouldn’t be late for my next class.
For the remainder of the day, things pretty much went by pretty smooth and fast. I ended up sitting by myself at lunch as well because I couldn’t find Tacarra. At first, I thought maybe she just didn’t come to school, but then I saw her after school in the parking lot, walking toward her car.
“Hey, Tacarra, wait up,” I said, walking fast to catch up to her.
She turned around with this annoyed look on her face and looked me up and down.
“I didn’t see you all day today. Where were you?” I asked her.
