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After I had been initiated as a firefighter and when I was out on different calls, I would come across families. They were all in different situations in various degrees of stress and emergency, but the one thing they had in common was fear of losing a loved one. Once the crisis had been averted, they came to us with wide eyes and tears of joy and thanked us.
If I was ever in that position, I knew I would have no one to worry about me. I would have no one to pray for me. I would have no one. Period.
It was a sad reality, but it was my reality, and I had made my peace with it. At least, I thought I had. But these last few weeks talking to Megan had made me realize that I missed having a shoulder to lean on. I missed having someone I could confide in. I while I hadn’t actually confided anything too personal to Megan, I realized was that I felt comfortable enough to want to—and that worried me. Or maybe it scared me; I couldn’t really tell the difference sometimes.
Once I was done cleaning out the supplies, I walked back into the day room and contemplating calling Megan to check in. She had been abrupt the last time we had spoken, and I didn’t want to overstep, but I was started to realize that I was growing dependent on our conversations. They helped me sleep at night. She helped me sleep at night.
Chapter Six
Megan
“Hi,” I said.
“Megan,” Phil said, surprised. “I didn’t expect you to call.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know… I suppose the last time we spoke, you left kind of abruptly. I sort of got the impression that you were upset with me about something.”
I tensed up a little, wondering if I should answer him back with the truth or just a casual excuse that meant avoiding the topic altogether.
“I wasn’t upset,” I said because I was a coward. “I was just…tired.”
“Hey, I can understand that.”
“I’m sorry I hung up so abruptly,” I said.
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” Phil said easily.
I paused for a moment, realizing that I?
?d been looking forward to talking to him all day. It was not the healthiest place for me to be right now, especially considering that Phil didn’t seem to feel the same way. It had been a month now since we’d met at Brent’s party and we hadn’t seen each other since then. And yet, we had shared dozens and dozens of phone calls. We had literally spent hours talking to each other, but I felt like he was a mystery to me and I needed to delve deeper.
“Phil, can I ask you something?” I said, speaking on a whim.
“Of course.”
“We’ve been talking for a month now, and I still don’t know much about you.”
“Seriously?” Phil seemed surprised. “You know tons about me.”
“I know your movie preferences. I know what music you listen to. I know what food you like. I know all about your job, even though I’d like to know more. But I don’t know about your childhood, your family life, your parents.”
There was a pause on the other line. “I don’t like talking about my past, to be honest,” Phil said, finally breaking the silence. “I like to keep that stuff in the past where it belongs.”
I nodded. Then realizing that he couldn’t see me, I spoke. “Okay… I understand if you feel like you can’t share that with me.”
“It’s not about you, Megan,” he said gently. “Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying I don’t trust you. I just don’t like to bring up the things we can’t change. You just end up dwelling on them and that makes you bitter. I spent a good portion of my life being angry about different things, and I don’t want to hold on to that anger anymore.”
“Okay,” I said quietly. “I hear you.”
“Thank you,” he said. “How was work?”
It was a predictable turn to a more acceptable topic, and I felt a little disappointment creep in. I had to face the fact that I was crushing deeply on Phil. Our late-night conversations had only served to make matters worse.
“Work was fine,” I replied distractedly. “I’m getting the hang of things. I like the working environment, and I’ve made a friend, too.”
“Do tell.”
